Lobsters Mate For Life
by sydney563
Summary: Maura wakes up after a traumatic event, she doesn't remember much, in particular who Jane is. I'm not good at explaining this one, so you should read it. This is my first real attempt at Rizzles...
1. Chapter 1

**N: there's another authors note at the end explaining a few things, so read that before you get all up in arms. Also, this is told in alternating POV, starting with Maura.**

* * *

It was a growling that woke me up. A growling that I quickly deciphered as someone aggressively snoring off to my left. I blinked a few times, taking in the drab fluorescent lights pouring in from the open doorway. The room I was in was still very dark, just minimal light from the doorway and a soft desk lamp across the room. I sniffed, cringing at the stale, sterile smells. I had to be in a hospital, that overwhelming bleach smell could not be mistaken. I swallowed, my throat dry like a desert and filled with needles. I turned to my right, spotting a large pitcher of water. I instinctively reached with my right hand, knowing the signs of dehydration where settling in and that pitcher would hold a quick remedy for my thirst.

But as I lifted my right hand, I saw it was tangled in wires, IV lines and bandages wrapped around my hand. I held my arm up, running my eyes over the different lines before looking up at the IV bags hanging over my head. One was filled with saline and the other was a pain drip, possibly morphine, but I couldn't read the scrawled handwriting. I dropped my arm back to the bed and breathed in deeply, feeling the all too familiar pinch of fractured ribs. I controlled my rising panic, taking stock of what was wrong. Maybe I was having a odd dream. I often had those when I worked too late on a body, sometimes transferring their injuries onto me. If this was a dream, it was very sensory overload one. I should take notes when I wake up and do a little research in my down time.

The growling next to me grew even louder and paced with the breaths whatever animal was taking. I turned to my left, wincing in pain and closed my eyes. I covered my eyes with my hand, opening them slowly as the pain receded. _Isles, Maura. DOB: 8/07/76_ was printed on the plastic wrist band. It dangled loosely from my wrist, making me frown at how thin my arm looked. I'd have to write this down as well, see if anything in my diet was making me dream about my weight, or lack of.

I sighed, moving to scoot up and get a better view of the room I was in and if I could reach my chart. I barely got my two arms settled to push me up when my entire body screamed at me in pain and weakness. I collapsed back into the bed with a heavy grunt, "What kind of dream is this?" My voice came out a harsh whisper, making me cringe once more as my vocal chords hurt like razor blades.

"Maur?" The word was spoken through the same growl that had been filling the room in the last few minutes of waking up.

"Maura." I closed my eyes, whispering out my full name, cursing myself for speaking when it hurt so much. I never liked nicknames. I swallowed a few times, pressing a thin hand on my throat, "Water."

"Um, I'm going to get a doctor." The growling thing moved closer to me, I could make out a shadowy shape with an impressive mane of black hair. I looked up, catching big beautiful brown eyes staring at me in wonderment. Those eyes were also shimmering with heavy tears. "You're awake." The beasts voice shook with fear, and some other emotion.

"Water?" I turned to look at the pitcher, hoping the beast would take mercy on me and give me at least one drink before it attacked.

The beast moved closer, it's face moving into the light showing me it wasn't a beast, but a stunning woman. Her olive skin and sharp angles had me gasping at the beauty she held. "Maur, I need to get a doctor first." She leaned down, as if she was about to kiss me, frightening me.

I tried to back away, turn my head away. "No."

The beautiful woman flinched, her head pulling away like I had slapped her, her brown eyes blinking as tears slid free. I watched her visibly swallow a few times, before she asked. "Do you know who I am?"

I clutched the blankets under my hands, feeling the incredible lack of strength in my grip. This was turning into a nightmare. I stared at her face, tracking every angle and the way she looked at me. My brain racing through it's catalogue of faces I'd met over the years, and I came up with nothing. I had no idea who this woman was, nor was I certain I ever met her in my life. I tried to speak but stopped as pushing air against my vocal chords was far too painful. So, I shook my head no. Slamming my eyes shut as the pain radiated through my temple and down my body.

The woman hovering above me, bit her lip and nodded. "Okay. I'll go get a doctor." She stood up, her height almost reaching the ceiling. "I'll be right back, Maur. Please don't slip away." She hesitated, looking at me once more as more tears slid down her face. Something deep in my heart ached with the most minute hint of recognition, but I couldn't place why or why this woman was crying for me.

She left the room in a hurry, an oversized blazer flapping around her hips as she called for a doctor.

I couldn't help it, my eyes closed on their own and I fell back asleep. Barely catching the murmurs of the beautiful woman exasperate in telling someone I was awake a second ago.

I let out a heavy breath, slipping deeper into slumber. I was hopeful when I woke up, the pain I felt would be gone and I could have a nice cup of tea to chase out the strange feeling in my heart.

* * *

Three months, five days, thirteen hours. That's how long the doctor told me I'd been in a medically induced coma. I kept pinching the skin on the underside of my wrist to tell myself I wasn't dreaming. I'd woken up with the beautiful woman with the wild black mane of hair sitting across the room, staring at me like I was a long lost relative. When I opened my eyes, she darted out of the room like before, returning with a doctor on her heels.

"Dr. Isles, I mean, Maura, are understanding what I'm explaining to you?" The doctor was kind. I remembered her from a conference I attended a year ago. It was on neurological advancements and traumatic brain injury. I'd gone to gather more research material to help in my own work at the medical examiner's office. "You had some trauma to your brain, that's why I'm here and why you'll be seeing a lot of me over the next few days."

I tried to smile, the pain still evident on my left side. "Yes, Dr. Beauchamp, and feel free to call me Dr. Isles if it suits you better. I do remember our lunch after the hard impact seminar, you're one of the best neurologists out there." I frowned as my voice refused to come out as more than a harsh rasp. "I just don't understand how I got here. I barely remember leaving work the other night. And I'd like to know why I was induced into a coma, and the extent of my injuries." I blamed the cocktail of drugs I was on for my complete sense of calm. Opting for hard facts before emotions.

The beautiful woman stood up from her seat, gnawing on a fingernail. "Do you remember anyone around you that night?" Her speech was rapid fire, intense. It startled me, the huskiness of her voice sent shivers over my skin.

Dr. Beauchamp held up her hand, stopping the woman. "Jane, put the detective away for a minute. Maura just woke up and we need to assess a few things." The woman, Jane grunted and threw her hands on her hips, lifting her blazer up enough for me to spot a gold police badge and the edge of a gun holster. I grew very nervous, twisting the blanket across my chest in my fingers. "Why are the police here? Have I done something illegal?"

Dr. Beauchamp glanced at Jane, her eyes conveying a heavy sense of worry, before she returned to me. A small professional smile plastered on her face. "No, you haven't broken the law, Maura." She smoothed out her lab coat, moving to sit on the edge of my bed. Her face turned even more professional, "Do you know this woman behind me?"

I stared at the dark-haired woman, still chewing mercilessly on her finger, brown eyes boring into mine. I tried hard to place her, knowing Dr. Beauchamp was asking an important question. I knew it had to do something with the horrible pain in the back of my head, but I was too foggy to attempt a self-diagnosis. After a moment of searching my mind, I came up empty. I titled my head away from the woman and shook my head. "No, I've never met her before. I'm sorry." I twisted the blanket into tighter knots, feeling my heart lurch into my stomach as the woman made a sound that was much like a sob, and rushed out of the room. Her hand covering her mouth. The second she was gone, I looked up at Dr. Beauchamp. "Have I done something wrong? Should I know who that Jane is?"

Dr. Beauchamp patted my leg, "You're fine. But I think I have an idea on what tests to run on you, now that you're awake." She stood up slowly, grabbing my chart. "I expected this after the trauma you suffered and the injuries your body absorbed." She scribbled quickly with a pen, "I would like you to rest a little more, get adjusted to being awake and I'll be back with one of your other friends. I want to test one more thing, before we tell you everything that happened."

I nodded, "Something horrible. If it was a simple accident, you would've told me by now and given me an inspirational speech of how I'm on the rapid road to recovery." I ran my eyes over my thin hands and arms. "Am I supposed to know that woman? Is that why you asked? Do you believe I might have a form of amnesia? The last time I looked at my hands, they were full, healthy. Not bony and weak."

"Rest first, Dr. Isles. Leave the diagnosing to me." Dr. Beauchamp smiled, setting my chart in the slot across the room. "I'll be back in an hour with your other friend, it'll be another police officer from Boston Police. If you recognize them, I'll allow them to answer all of your questions. But if it becomes to much, I'll kick them out."

I smiled, "Thank you." As she went to leave, I called out after. "Was I supposed to know who that woman was? She seemed very upset that I didn't."

Dr. Beauchamp's smile faltered for a moment, "One step at a time, Dr. Isles. You've been asleep a long time, I don't want to shock your system until I have a better idea what's going on with your brain injury."

I nodded as she left the room, half closing the door behind her. I turned to look out the window, still fidgeting with the blanket in my hands. Deep down, through the drugs and the blank spots, I knew something horrible had happened and I'd lost more than just a few months.

* * *

 **\- Jane -**

"There are signs of possible amnesia, but I need to do more testing." The doctor wouldn't look at me. "It's only the second day she's been awake, Detective Rizzoli. We have to be patient and not push. Dr. Isles did just wake up."

I ran my hands through my hair, yanking at the roots sharply. "She stared at me like I was goddamn stranger! She has no idea who I am!" I paused, realizing my voice was rising to an all out yell. "I gotta figure out what happened to Maur, who did… that to her."

Dr. Beauchamp nodded, sliding a chart across the counter at the nurses station. "I understand you want to find those who attacked Dr. Isles, but you need to be patient. She's still very fragile." She cocked an eyebrow at me, one that made me feel like I was back in catholic school.

I huffed, feeling like an idiot at the silent dressing down the doctor was giving me. "Trust me, I know." I ran my hands through my hair for the millionth time. "This amnesia? If she has it…"

"I haven't proven my suspected diagnosis yet." Beauchamp looked away from me. "No point in jumping the gun, Detective."

"Hey Jane! The doc is awake!" I turned to see Barry Frost half jog down the hallway, a giant grin on his face. "That's amazing!"

I nodded, falling into the hard plastic chairs across from the nurses station. "Yeah, she is. But that's not why I called you." I glanced at my partner, "I need you to do something for me."

"Sure Jane, but I'm shocked you're not in the room sitting next to the doc." He looked above my shoulder, looking into Maura's room. "She looks not to bad, considering." He halted the rest of words when he saw my face twist. "Sorry, I know it's been a rough few months…"

"She doesn't know who I am. She flinched when I got closer, she stares right through me in that polite stare she does to be polite. I asked her straight out, she flat out said no. Maura can't lie." I swallowed the giant lump in my throat, looking up at Barry. I was fighting not to break down and cry in front of everyone. "She has no damn idea who I am."

Barry slumped into the chair next to me, clasping my shoulder with a comforting hand. "Jane, it'll be fine. She was knocked around and been in a three month nap." He squeezed my shoulder, "It's not your fault."

I closed my eyes, leaning forward on my elbows. "It was, it is." I let out a slow breath. "I said something to Maura that night, it threw her off and she was distracted. I should've waited for her. Walked her to her car instead of hiding in my apartment obsessing about what was going to happen when she came to my apartment." I dug the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. I'd majorly screwed up. Maura had been pushing me about going on a date with that dumb FBI agent, it caused me to lose my temper. A temper stretched out and tested by our most recent case, and burying my feelings for my best friend, and I exploded. The word vomit was excessive, and I will remember the exact shocked look on Maura Isles face when I told her I was in love with her. Quickly followed by me running out of her office, mumbling that I couldn't do this as I ran. I ran right to my crappy apartment and barricaded myself in with Jo. Maura called over and over, leaving me messages that she would be coming over the second she was done with the last body of the night.

 _Maura never showed up. I got drunk and passed out on my bed, Jo curled up on my head. My cell phone woke me up, Ma calling incessantly. "Ma, I'm going to change my number if you don't stop."_

 _"Janie! Maura's in the hospital! Someone hurt her…"_

 _I didn't have to hear the rest, I was already running out of the apartment. Thankful I'd passed out in my clothes. I drove full lights and sirens to the hospital, parking my cruiser literally on the curb. I pushed through nurses and doctors, slamming my badge in the faces of anyone who dared to stop me._

 _I found Ma, Korsak, Barry and Frankie all standing in a circle. Frankie had spots of blood on his shirt, and my knees almost buckled at the sight. I knew in the way he looked at me, it was Maura's._

 _"Korsak, talk to me." I charged at him like a angry bull. "Where is she?"_

 _Frankie stopped me, grabbing my arms. "Janie, settle down. You can't go in. She's in surgery, they took her as soon as we got her here."_

 _I ripped my arms free, "What the hell is going on? Someone talk before I really lose my shit." My heart raced every time I glanced at the blood on his shirt, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening._

 _Korsak stepped forward, using Frankie as a shield. He was afraid of the wild look in my eyes. "Jane, we're still looking into it. Maura was attacked in the parking lot after hours. She was…hurt and left alone. If it wasn't for a patrol officer stepping out for a smoke, she would've laid there until morning."_

 _I growled, "Where is she!" I saw the panic in his eyes, and in the way he took a stuttered step back. I looked at my ma. "MA! Will someone tell me where the hell Maura is!" My voice boomed through the hallway, ricocheting off the walls and startling half of the hospital staff milling around us._

 _My Ma ran up to me, her eyes red and puffy. She'd been crying and that wasn't a good sign. "Janie, let's go outside." She grabbed my elbow, tugging me away from Frankie. I clenched my jaw, trying so hard not to throw up everywhere. I was three steps outside when Ma started rattling off Maura's injuries. Head trauma, broken ribs, arms, sever facial bruising, lacerations. I clenched my fists, pacing around my ma. She reached for me a few times, but I flinched away. I didn't want to be touched, only Maura could touch me when I was on the verge of losing it. But Maura was in surgery and all I could think about was how this was my fault._

"Jane? You zoned out on me." Barry tapped my shoulder. He was standing in front of me, smoothing out his tie. "I'm going to go in there and talk to Maura. The doctor has a theory and wants to test it out. She asked me to bring the case file and pictures of everyone Maura knows."

I shot my head up, my rage building back up. "Why couldn't I go in there and do that? I'm her best friend! I know everything about her, she knows everything about me." I stood up reaching for the file. "Let me do this, I have to do this. I have to fix this."

I snatched the file from Barry and took three steps in with Barry right behind me, calling out for me to slow down.

Maura looked my way, a soft smile on her face. I had to swallow hard looking at her. She'd grown so thin and fragile while in the coma. She looked as if she could break like glass if someone spoke to loudly. "Hello."

I couldn't help smile at the sound of her voice, no matter how raspy it was, I missed it. "Hey Maur. I need to ask you a few things." I looked in her hazel eyes, my heart falling as I saw there was not an iota of recognition, just politeness. "You know who I am?"

Maura shrugged, "You're that detective who was in my room earlier. Am I under protective custody? Is that why you were sleeping on my bed?" She gave me a questioning look with the patented Maura head tilt.

I went to open my mouth when Maura's gaze turned to look over my shoulder, her eyes lighting up with recognition. "Barold! Hello!" She held out a frail hand towards my partner, making my heart ache.

Barry moved around me, "Hey Maura, it's great to see you awake. We've missed you." He bent down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Maura smiled, clearly happy to see Barry. "Tired, weak, confused. It's wonderful to see you." She turned to me, "Is this your new partner? Dr. Beauchamp said a friend of mine would be in to talk about the incident. I can do my best, but I am still very foggy with my memories."

Barry looked at me with those stupid puppy dog eyes of his, a silent apology. "Um, Maura, this is Jane. You remember Jane? Jane Rizzoli?" I clenched the file in my hand, crinkling the edges.

Maura frowned, "The name sounds very familiar." She titled her head down, "I think I know an Angela Rizzoli, and a Frank Rizzoli, jr. But I can't place their faces." She wrapped her hand in the light blue blanket on her lap. "I don't know if I've ever met a Jane Rizzoli. I'm sorry Barold. I'm more observant and usually memorize most of the detectives at the precinct." Maura ran a bandaged hand across her forehead, sighing in frustration. "Everything is blurry."

I couldn't take anymore. I shoved the file into Barry's chest and stormed out of the room. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent from crying. I waited until I was in the driver's seat of my cruiser to let out my anger. I pounded on the steering wheel with closed fists until the tingled with pain. Then damn broke and the hard-angry sobs ripped out of my throat. I cried until my ribs hurt, and I couldn't breathe anymore.

Maura had forgotten me. The love of my life didn't know who I was, and it looked like I'd never existed in her world. This was my fault, this was payback for being a stupid chicken shit about my feelings and throwing them at Maura like a dirty wet shirt.

How the hell would I fix this? Could I fix it?

* * *

 **N: so this was an idea i had, it's not totally original but I wanted to try something different. Before you say anything, the idea is that Maura has retrograde amnesia and while researching it, i found stories of people remembering most of their family members but not remembering their spouse, or significant other. It's a weird phenomenon where the brain cycles out the deeply connected memories to protect the rest of the brain. Since Jane laid a significant truth bomb on Maura, Maura was already walking around with an emotional kick to the gut and her injury amplified it. I'll do my best with these characters, and the eventual crime, but I'm still learning them. I just wanted to write a love story and this helps with my writing of Devils 2 since there's a couple of characters in there that are a lot like Maura and Jane.**

 **Read on and enjoy, if it's no good, I'll probably shelve this one. Also, don't worry I have an update to In your eyes halfway done. Inspiration struck on this one first...**


	2. Chapter 2

_N: It is what it is. Next chapter they'll get more into why Maura's brain is just ignoring Jane. In a way this happening is giving Jane a second chance to do things right instead of blurting and bolting. I won't say if Maura gets her memories back or make new ones, that's a secret for now. Also, I'll start getting into the incident that started all of this. Read on and enjoy. I know both characters are a little weak right now, but both have had their worlds shattered and they have no idea how to go about fixing it all. Yet._

* * *

-Jane-

 _"Why not take Agent Parsons up on his invitation to dinner? He seems very into you, Jane." Maura smirked as she sat behind her desk. "And it's been awhile since you had a male suitor." She raised an eyebrow, giving me that one look. The irritating I'm looking out for your best interest, look. I truly hated that look, even if it was on Maura's beautiful face._

 _I huffed, flopping down on her couch. "Maur, I just came down here to pick up the tox report and ask if you wanted to grab drinks at the Robber. This case has me on edge, and I need a few beers." I stretched my arms over my head, groaning as my back cracked._

 _"Maybe you can ask Agent Parsons to join us? The FBI has finished their portion of the case, and this toxicology report will be the final piece of evidence you need to close the case. You can submit it to the prosecutor's office by the end of the day." Maura wrote in the file as she spoke, that smirk was grating on me. "He's very handsome. His eyes are spaced evenly, and he has a very regal jawline." She waved a hand my way. "You should let me look at your back, I read up on a few massage techniques that could relive your spinal pressure."_

 _I swallowed hard at the quick image of Maura's delicate hands running over my skin. I clenched my jaw, swallowing a few more times to push the butterflies back into the pit of my gut. "Maur. Do you have the report?" My impure thoughts of my best friend started running heavy a few weeks ago. All because of a bottle of wine, a pissing match about scars and freckles, and Maura taking her shirt off to show me a tiny blemish she called her fencing wound. All I saw was incredibly perfect skin wrapped along muscles I'd never imagine Maura to have. Her designer clothing hid so much, and I was left with sweaty palms and a racing heart as Maura snuggled into my side and fell asleep. The wine and our excessive recent workload catching up. It was then and there everything washed over me. I was very very in love with Maura and it was getting worse every day._

 _Maura picked up a file, handing it over as she sat on the couch next to me. Her warm hand falling to my forearm. "Jane. You've not dated or gone out since Casey."_

 _I cringed hearing his name. So many strange memories attached to that name. Including asking the woman next to me, to be the other parent to my child. I closed my eyes, slowly moving my arm away from her touch. "Leave it, Maura. I'm too busy to date or whatever." I flicked open the file, searching over big science words to find words I did recognize._

 _"I don't think that is the truth. You've been very distracted lately, you stare off into space when we're together. You've also become very averse to me touching you." Maura's face fell, "You've canceled movie night four weeks in a row."_

 _I took in a slow breath. My heart screaming at me to just tell her. Tell your best friend you have feelings for her. She'll accept it, won't reciprocate and you can move on. You might not talk for a few days, but it'll be okay. Meanwhile, my brain screamed no no no. She'll be disgusted and stop talking to you. You'll lose the best thing in your life next to the Red Sox and your ridiculous family. Maura is family. "Just leave it. I'm tired, frustrated by this case." I looked away, I hated sad Maura. Sad Maura made my heart break even if I was the cause of it._

 _"Jane, please tell me if I've done something wrong. I can handle it. I can alter whatever annoying behavior is causing you to step away." Maura went to reach for me but hesitated and hid her hands in her lap. "I love you, you're my best friend."_

 _I closed my eyes hearing those words as Maura slipped into one of her nerd rants. Describing the psychological benefits of telling the truth in any relationship. Whether it was sexual, familial, etc. The irritation bubbled up, my heart begging me to say something. I was a kettle about to blow. "I should go back upstairs." I stood quickly eyeing the door, when Maura grabbed my hand squeezing it._

 _"Please tell me what I've done wrong, Jane." Her voice was so soft, doing it's best to hide the underlying pain I was causing her. "I can fix it."_

 _I blew out a laugh, "You can't fix it, Maura." I shook my head, chancing a glance at big hazel eyes begging for unnecessary forgiveness. "You can't fix it, and no you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right…I can't…" I tugged my hand to free it, but she held on tighter._

 _"Jane, you know I love you no matter what."_

 _"Please stop saying that…." I yanked my hand free._

 _Maura flinched, "But it's true."_

 _I shook my head, "Not the way I want it to be, not the way I want you to." I rasped the words out, taking a step back._

 _"I'm confused by that statement." Maura cocked her head, her brow furrowing. "I might be emotionally awkward, but I've said this to you numerous times in the past. Why does it bother you now?"_

 _I opened my mouth to say something when my phone buzzed, I pulled it out and saw Agent Parsons sent me a message. "Lunch? Dr. Isles said you were free for lunch." I held up the phone, now infurated. "Why? Why set me up?"_

 _Maura stepped back, her face going pale. "I thought…"_

 _I shook my head, "Stop thinking, Maura! Just stop!" I half shouted at her, my mind losing it's hold on me. "I don't want to date Parsons. I don't want to date anyone, or search anyone out!"_

 _"Why? You need someone, we all need the security and safety having a partner brings to our mental state." Maura whispered, eyeing me with fear._

 _I threw my hands up, "Because! I have someone, Maur! I have you! You're all I need, want and for fuck's sake, for a genius you're very blind. I'm stupidly in love with you and I'm tired of fighting it. I figured it out weeks ago, shit, I figured it out a week into being friends with you. It doesn't make a god damn bit of sense to me, you're my best friend. But I can only see my future with you by my side. Not some stupid FBI Agent or unavailable Army officer, or Antonio from the old neighborhood Ma thinks would be a good husband. It's you, Maura Isles. Just you! I love you!" I spat the last few words, having run out of breath. "You've always been there for me, no matter what and I want more and to give you more." I glanced up, panic surging at the sheer look of panic on Maura's face. "Shit. Shit. Shit." I backed up out of her office, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I rushed around the corner and dove into the elevator, ignoring Maura's teary voice calling out for me._

That was the last time I saw Maura for three months.

My leg bounced as I sat outside her room, listening to Barry and Maura laugh. At least she recognized him. I leaned forward, cradling my head in my hands and covering my ears to block out the sound of her laugh. I loved that sound, but not now. Not when Maura had no clue who I was.

I closed my eyes, tuning everything out, including the pain in my chest.

"Jane?" Barry's voice and hand on my shoulder startled me.

My head shot up, "She remember anything more?"

Barry's smile faded, "She knows me, Korsak, Cavanaugh, Frankie, her staff and your ma. We only went over the pictures I brought, the doctor didn't want me to ask about her attack until she had a better idea on her memories." He looked down, averting his eyes. "I'm sorry."

I stood up, pacing as I bit my thumbnail. "But not me." I wanted to cry and throw up.

"I'm going to get the doctor, maybe she can explain things." Barry spun around, hurrying over to the nurses station.

I turned, looking in Maura's room. She sat peacefully, looking out the window. I huffed and walked into the room. She turned at the sound of my footsteps, her smile turning careful. "Hello Detective."

I smiled, biting my thumbnail hard to prevent from crying. "Hey you. How did your talk with Barry go?" I knew Barry wouldn't lie, but I had to see for myself.

"Good. My memories are coming together." She sat straighter in the bed. "How long have you been a detective? I don't ever remember seeing you."

I winced at her words, wanting to cry and grab her. Shake Maura until her brain shifted and she remembered me. "Awhile. I've been in homicide awhile." I began to nervously rub at the scars on my hands. "Are you sure you never saw me? Maybe in the café?" I silently prayed to god to forgive me for forgetting him all those years ago and give Maura back to me.

Maura tipped her head down, eyes on the blanket in her hands. "I'm very sure Detective. Barold showed me your photograph." She looked up at me, and I saw no glimmer of recognition, "He said we knew each other."

I blew out a sardonic laugh, "You could say that." I rubbed harder at my scars, feeling them balk at the pressure I was inflicting. I winced but kept pushing on them. It was the only way to fight the tears.

"You shouldn't push so hard on those scars. They'll become inflamed and hurt more." Maura whispered, looking at my hands. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your hands? I might have a few creams and exercises I can recommend to aid in the pain control."

Maura's genuine care for others was still there, but her question crumbled my will to pieces. I shook my head and turned as tears ran down my cheek. I'd been completely erased from her brain. Everything. Including the moment I killed the man who gave me the scars to save her. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Dr. Isles. I need to go." I spun and ran out of her room, covering my mouth as a hard sob pushed it's way out.

* * *

 **-Maura-**

Dr. Beauchamp stood at the edge of my bed, scribbling notes. Barold sat next to me, smiling at me like a patient parent. Making sure I wasn't alone as the doctor broke down her diagnosis.

"Dr. Isles, I believe you have a form of retrograde amnesia. We're going to do a few more tests and do a few more scans, but I think in time you might recover most of your memories." Dr. Beauchamp smiled, setting my chart under her arm. "Detective Frost, if you can give us a few more days before we going to her incident, I think that would be best. I want Dr. Isles to acclimate to her current state before we start pushing those missing memories."

I nodded, "To prevent a relapse and even more trauma. It's a fair diagnosis."

Dr. Beauchamp chuckled and quietly left the room, promising a nurse would be in to set up my tests for the next day. I turned to Barold. "Thank you for being here and calling my parents. I'll make sure to reimburse you for the satellite phone call." I was mildly downtrodden that my parents weren't rushing to my side. They were on a safari in Africa and it would be days before they could reach an airport. It was slowly settling in that all I really had was my police family. Including that strange and beautiful woman, Jane.

He grinned sheepishly, patting the top of my hand. "Anything for you, Doc."

I grinned back, enjoying his boyish charm. "Please tell everyone that they're more to welcome to start visiting after tomorrow. I'd like to see some of my friends. It'll be beneficial for my healing." I glanced at my hands, nerves flooding my body. "Can I ask you about your partner?"

Barold froze, his eyes widening. "Korsak?"

I shook my head slowly, cringing at the lingering pounding headache. "Detective Rizzoli."

"Oh, Jane." His voice drifted off.

"Why does she appear so distraught over my current state? She's very upset and ran out of my room earlier crying. Please apologize to her, I didn't think inquiring about her scars would be so insensitive of me." I sighed, tucking my thin hands under the blanket. I would have to ask Dr. Beauchamp more about my coma and why I lost so much weight. I also wanted to ask why even as Jane intimidated me, I felt safe whenever she was in the room. As if she was a brick wall people would have to climb or break through, to get anywhere near me. I noticed she wasn't like that with the doctors or nurses, just me. When she looked at me, her eyes changed, and it took the edge of the panic in my stomach waiting to spill out.

"Um, doc. Did she tell you how she got those scars?" Barold stumbled over his words.

I shrugged, "She ran out of the room, crying." I looked at him, "I feel terrible if I crossed a line. The nurse told me Detective Rizzoli has been by my side almost every night. That's incredibly kind of her, she's very dedicate to her job."

"She's very dedicated to you, Maura." Barold moved closer, "You really don't remember Jane at all? Nothing? Not even looking at pictures of the other Rizzoli's?"

"I'm sorry, I don't. I tried very hard. I just feel blank when I hear her name." I frowned, "Maybe when I see the other Rizzoli's it will click." I let out a slow breath, leaning back into the pillow. "Did I know her? Before my incident?"

Barold grinned, "You did. You and Jane were inseparable. Closer than anyone I'd ever met, you called yourselves life long best friends forever." He patted my shoulder, "You are her best friend, Maura."

I felt my heart stop and sink. "That's why she's crying." I felt my own eyes well up, guilt ridden that I couldn't remember this woman. My supposed best friend. I met Barold's eyes, sniffling as a tear slipped down. "I can't remember her."

I broke down, barely hearing his comforting whispers as he left to go get the doctor.

My heart ached as if it was missing something that made it complete, but my brain struggled placing what that exact something was.

* * *

-Jane-

I laid on the floor, empty beer bottles lined up next to my head. I stared at the ceiling, my dog curled up on my stomach sleeping happily. I hadn't moved in hours, because whenever I did, I broke down and would cry my eyes out. No matter how much I drank, the pain never went away. I muted my phone, so Barry wouldn't hear me cry as he explained Maura's amnesia. That the doctor might have a theory she'd run by us after Maura's test tomorrow. Rough idea is that since I was the last person to speak to Maura before her attack, her brain linked that to the attacked and shoved us to the back of the memory closet. Never to be dealt with until her brain healed. I half listened to Barry's words of support, telling me it would all be okay.

It wouldn't be okay. The only person who understood me, got me, forgot me. The one person I loved more than anyone ever, had no love for me. Not even as friends or friendly coworkers.

"God, what I wouldn't give to have her chastise me for calling a blood stain, a blood stain." I mumbled to myself, covering my eyes. I'd take anything, a sign that I should keep fighting for her. She broke me when she didn't remember Hoyt and my hands. She was the only person in this world I'd allow to touch my hands, and now I lost that.

I groaned, scaring Jo off my stomach. I was tired of crying and pushed to sit up. I need to take a shower, walk Jo and get more beer. I didn't want to turn into a drunk, ma would kill me, but I needed the numbness, so I could sleep and not constantly think of how much my heart hurt in my chest. I never knew how much space Maura occupied in that thing.

I climbed to my feet, grabbing a few empties as I shuffled to the kitchen. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it. It was almost midnight and I was off call rotation, plus I was half in the bag. No bodies for me tonight. God, I was turning morbidly bitter. Even Ma stopped calling afternoon I yelled at her, then apologized through text. After dumping the bottles in the recycling bin, the phone buzzed again. I leaned to look at the caller ID and saw the familiar number of the hospital, in particular, Maura's room.

I snatched the phone up, a surge of adrenaline hitting. "Rizzoli." Please lord, please don't let her slip away. I know I bitched about not having her like I used to, just don't take her away from me again.

"Detctive Rizzoli, I apologize for calling so late, but I couldn't sleep. I found your number on my chart as the emergency contact." Maura's voice was unsteady, unsure.

"Do you need anything? I can get a cab and be at the hospital in ten minutes." I stumbled to my room, searching out my jeans. Even the sound of her voice had my heart fluttering.

"Are we friends?" Maura spoke quickly.

I paused, mid bend in grabbing my jeans from under my bed. "What?"

Maura breathed slowly, before asking again. "Are we friends?" I could almost hear tears in her voice.

I sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through tangled hair. "We are, Maur." I sighed hard, fighting my own tears. "You're my best friend in the world." A large silence filled the air, I shook my head. "Look, I know your brain is being a jerk, but I'd never lie to you." Another heartbreaking silence, "Um, you should get some rest. You've had a crazy couple of days."

"Jane." Maura spoke my name like it was the first time she was ever saying it. "Can you please come here. I'm…really scared and…you make me feel safe… even if you're a stranger to me." She drifted off.

"You don't need to explain, I'll be there in five minutes, Maur." I hung up, wiped away the tears and pulled my pants on.

Maybe there was hope.


	3. Chapter 3

**N: another one. This was a struggle to write, i'm just not on my game today with writing. I blame the weather. This is what it is, more will happen in the next chapter which might be tomorrow or a few days from now. Depends on my writing mojo...I hope it isn't too terrible, but at least we're moving along with these two. Yes, i know Jane is being stupid...but this isn't exactly a canon story, it's just me writing my own view of their characteristics and what not.**

 **Read on and enjoy! I'm gonna go work on that book thing I'm writing.**

* * *

 **Jane**

By the time I got to the hospital, Maura had fallen asleep. It was half past one in the morning, so I couldn't fault the woman. I stood at the doorway watching her sleep and taking stock of how different Maura looked. I never noticed it before while she was in her coma, only focusing on getting her to wake up. The nurses had let me in, giving up the fight months ago about me adhering to the visitation hours. They quickly got it with every free coffee I brought them, and sometimes they'd let me sleep in the room with Maura when I needed it.

Now, I saw how thin Maura was. Nothing like the fit and perfectly healthy woman I'd grown to adore. I sighed, scratching at the back of my neck, "I'd get you all of the glazed doughnuts in the world if you'd just look at me and smile. Smile like you always did when you saw me first thing in the morning." I turned to leave the room in search of coffee.

"I love glazed doughnuts." Her soft voice struck my ears like a tiny freight train.

I smirked turning to Maura moving to sit up in her bed. "I know. You told me." I moved slowly, watching her track me warily with her eyes. Even though she called me, I wanted to be careful and not startle her. I knew I was treading on shaky ground, I didn't want to frighten her away. I took the seat next to her bed, "I can get you one, if you'd like." I smiled softly.

Maura didn't answer right away, she just stared at me as if she was mapping out every inch of my face. The stare made me blush, but I didn't turn away. Instead I pulled my messy hair back, so she could get a better look.

Maura tipped her head down, "No thank you. I'm on a very strict diet." She half whispered the words out. "Protein and vitamin rich foods. I've lost a lot of weight and the doctors want me to gain it back slowly."

"I bet it's a diet of green mushy things." I chuckled, scooting closer to the bed. "But if you change your mind, I'll get you a dozen." This was so painfully awkward. Maura and I always managed to talk with ease, even if we were pissed at each other. "So…"

"I'm sorry to call you. I had a nightmare and woke up, panicking." Maura picked at her plastic wrist band. "I didn't know what to do, so I decided to read my chart to calm down." She paused, her brow furrowing. "Why are you my emergency contact? I have family, friends."

I didn't take offense by her question. It was asked with pure curiosity, not anger. I smiled again, leaning forward to straighten out the IV lines weaving into her blankets. I hesitated to answer her, worried if telling her the truth about a friendship that didn't exist might confuse her. But this was Maura, I always told her the truth no matter what. "I would tell you, but I'm not sure why you did. I found out when one of the emergency room doctors cornered me. Asking me about this test, this procedure, this surgery." I glanced at her hand, so desperate to take it in mine. I missed touching Maura.

I tucked my hand under a leg, pressing down on it to stay focused. "I'll get Barry to bring you the paperwork to change it over to your parents."

"No." She blurted the word out but recovered her composure. "I mean, it's fine. I looked over the treatments I've had. You did well, Jane." She stared at me a moment, "Unless you'd like to be removed as my contact. I can understand since I'm not familiar with you." Maura struggled around the words, whispering out a polite apology.

I shook my head, forgoing my own manners and slid my hand out from under my leg. I placed a hand on Maura's frowning at how cold her hands were. "I might be the crazy boogey woman to you, but I made a promise to you a long time ago. I'll always be there for you until the moment you decide you don't want me to." Maura's hand didn't move, it clenched under my palm. I got the hint and moved mine away and went to stand up. My heart was starting to ache, I needed to take a break. "I'm going to grab a coffee, would you like anything?"

"No thank you." Her voice was tiny, edged with nerves.

I smiled, nodding. "I'll be back." I left the room, the smile falling away as soon I was out of sight. I walked down the hall towards the small break room. I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this. Be strong enough to wait for Maura to come to me. I reached into my pocket to make a phone call. "Hey Frost, I know it's late. Can you get into Maura's file and pull her emergency contact information? Yeah, take my name off of it. No, nothing happened. Nothing has changed." I hung up ignoring his protests and took a deep breath. I was lying, everything had changed, and it was time to start accepting it.

* * *

XXXX

 **Maura**

I knew I'd made a mistake in the way I spoke to Jane. I was speaking to her like she was a colleague at a silly medical conference. Indifferent and untrusting. I just had no idea how to ask her anything. It wasn't because she was a stranger, it was because of the way she made me feel when she was close. My heart rate sped up, I began to sweat a little, and when she touched my hand, it sent tiny little electrical currents over my skin. It clued me into something that didn't make logical sense. How could I feel the physical cues of love for a stranger? A stranger who everyone said was just my best friend?

When I woke up from the nightmare, I was crying and shaking. I called for the nurse who had no idea how to calm me down without pushing drugs into my IV. It was my gut that demanded I call Jane. Jane would be the only person who could chase away the blank nightmare I had. I didn't bother to process why I had an instinctive reaction to go towards the strange detective, I just picked up the phone and called her.

And she appeared like a magic trick. Looming in my doorway like a shadowy guard, my protector. I immediately relaxed and could breathe easier, but that feeling of calm did very little in jogging my memory and how Jane fit in my life.

I knew the way she left the room, using the excuse she needed coffee, I'd hurt her. I yanked on the blankets, wishing my legs weren't so weak. I wanted to stand, walk and find her. Apologize for my brain forgetting someone who was clearly cared for me more than my own parents. I pushed the blankets down my legs, frowning at how small they looked in the large bed. I went to swing one over the side, wincing when it moved slowly. "Please move." I strained harder, knowing it was ridiculous for me to do. I was barely three days awake from a lengthy coma.

"I've heard you talk to your plants encouraging them to grow, not sure how that will work on healing body parts." Jane's raspy voice filled the room. She carried a Styrofoam cup of coffee in one hand and a napkin covered lump in the other. She set both down on my bedside table and moved to the edge of the bed. "Did you need help standing? If you need to go to the bathroom…you have that um…" She awkwardly pointed to the catheter tube trailing along the side of the bed.

My cheeks flushed a bright red, I grabbed the blanket and covered my legs. I shook my head, feeling a wave of exhaustion hit me. "I'm fine." I laid back, glancing at Jane. "You were gone awhile."

Jane nodded, moving to sit in her chair. "I went outside to get some fresh air and make a couple of phone calls." She twirled the coffee cup in her hands, "I think I'm going to leave in a few minutes if you want to try and fall back asleep."

Jane's behavior was distant, a far cry from the warm woman who swept in my room at my cry for help. Deep down I didn't want her to leave, I wanted her to stay. I wanted to talk to her and figure out why she was always there. "The nurses told me you slept in this room almost every night. Watching over me."

It was Jane's turn to turn red and shrug. "Yeah. It was just part of the job." She cleared her throat. "You should probably try and rest. You have a ton of tests in the morning and Frost will be back to ask you a few questions."

I watched her shoulders sag in defeat. "How long have we been friends?"

"Almost eight years." Jane's tone was clipped.

I nodded, this was going to be difficult for both of us. "Did we meet at the department?"

Jane nodded, her eyes focused on the lid of her cup. "Yup. We started working together when I moved to homicide." She shifted her gaze up, smiling painfully as she caught me studying her. "We worked cases together."

I smiled back, "I remember working with a homicide detective on a few dangerous cases." I closed my eyes, remembering a few moments where I knew my life was in danger. But I couldn't see Jane in any of them, only the other detectives I worked with. I opened my eyes, my gut pressing me. "Have you saved my life before? It's a silly question, but I think my nightmare was about the night I was attacked. I woke up and needed you. Maybe if I can link you to those past memories, it'll allow my brain to relax and open up other memories." I looked at the woman, now looking right at me.

"I have. A few times." Jane looked down, "But you've saved mine every day." She set her coffee cup down on the floor and started rubbing her scars "Can you tell me anything about the nightmare?" She asked softly.

I smiled, "I'll try, Detective." I took in a breath, "In the nightmare I was walking to my car. I had my phone pressed to my ear, I was trying to call someone, and I was already scared. Scared about something that had nothing to do with my work." I paused, "I heard a voice call my name, a man's voice. I turned towards it…and then I woke up. Sweating and scared."

Jane nodded, "I'll have Frost make a photo line up of the few male suspects we have. But don't feel pressure to look at it if you don't feel up to it." She rubbed harder at her hands.

"You do that when you're nervous." I motioned to her hands, "Rub them." I reached over, tugging at her fingers rubbing relentlessly on the top of her left hand. She let me take her fingers, a small sigh passing over her lips as I pulled her hand to my lap. I ran a fingertip over the red skin, "Your ligaments are very tight, you should have a physical therapist massage them."

"I don't let anyone touch my hands." Jane spoke softly, her eyes blurring with tears.

"Oh." I went to let go, but Jane wrapped her fingers in mine.

"Only you. I only let you touch my hands, Maura." She whispered, moving closer to the edge of the bed.

I felt my heart flutter, and I couldn't resist asking. "What did you mean I save your life every day, Jane?"

Jane closed her eyes, swiping at her cheek before the lone tear went any further. "Maura…" Her voice dropped an octave, making it even raspier than normal.

I felt her squeeze my hand, sending another wave of electrical currents through my body. I was starting to piece together why this beautiful mystery of a woman was by my side more than the medical staff and my friends. I was missing chunks of my memories, but I wasn't an idiot. "Jane, are we just best friends? Or is there something more between us…"

Jane yanked her hand free from mine and stood up so quickly she knocked over her coffee. "Shit." She picked it up, "I'll get someone to clean that up." She left the room in a hurry, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I stared at the empty door. I might not know who Jane was, but I was pretty certain I was in love with a woman I didn't know.

* * *

XXXX

Jane

Three weeks later

 _"I found Dr. Isles laying on the concrete floor next to her car. She was bleeding from the back of her head, her nose and I saw her arm was broken. I immediately called for backup and an ambulance. I directed Detective Frost and Sergeant Detective Korsak to cordon off the scene and pull footage. I escorted Dr. Isles to the hospital in the ambulance."_

I flipped past Frankie's statement and read over Frost's report again.

 _"There is no camera footage of the attack, the only suspects we have are a few late-night cleaners who were in the area. Both have been interviewed and proven to be clean and no ties to Dr. Isles. At this time, we are lead less until Dr. Isles wakes up."_ I skipped over the full medical report of Maura's injuries and what they told us all. Her attack was violent, brutal and it made me throw up and cry whenever I read too far.

I huffed, flipping the file closed and ran my hands over my face. I was sitting at my desk, ignoring the current case on my desk. It was a drug deal gone bad, simple open and close case. I just had to wait for the ME's final report and I could go arrest the asshole I had in holding for murder. I picked through Maura's file, hoping to find Frost's interview notes. But I had been shut out of her case since I was too close and had just about abandoned Maura. My fear of her figuring out my feelings trumping everything else. I had a justified reason, she didn't know me, so she wouldn't miss me. I'd go back to work, work the few leads on her case in secret and keep everyone at an arm's distance.

It had been working so far. I managed to ignore my Ma's calls. I'd bypass Frankie whenever he came to give me a talk about how I needed to be there for Maura. Pretending my phone rang, and I'd run out of the room. Frost and Korsak eventually gave up, knowing how I could get when I was pushed. I was given dirty looks daily, but that was it. They were happily leaving me to my self-imposed misery.

I leaned forward, resting my head in both hands. I missed Maura. I went to see her the next night after I ran out of her room and caught Dr. Beauchamp.

 _"Dr. Beauchamp, is she going to get better?"_

 _"She will, but unfortunately my diagnosis is correct. Maura has retrograde amnesia. She took a hard hit and it caused her hippocampus to swell. Even as most of the swelling has receded, there's lingering damage. I'd call it a deep bruise. Her memories may return, they may not." Dr. Beauchamp smiled softly, "She's healing faster than any head trauma patient I've ever seen, but I can't predict if she'll heal completely."_

 _I swallowed hard, biting the inside of my cheek. "Is there a reason why I'm missing from her memories?"_

 _The doctor patted my shoulder, "The brain is a mystery. It's a complex machine that literally has a mind of its own. Give her time, Jane. Give it time. If anything, take this opportunity to start again. You and Dr. Isles care for each other very much, it won't be hard to rebuild that friendship bond."_

 _I nodded, "But will she ever know who I am? Who we were together?" I looked at the doctor, silently begging her to give me the truth._

 _Dr. Beauchamp dropped her hand from my shoulder, "With the type of injury she suffered, there's a very low probability that she will fully recover her memories pre-trauma."_

All I heard was a big fat nope, and I left the hospital that night and never went back.

I was a shitty coward, but my heart ached every day at the thought of never having Maura back, my Maura. The Maura I loved. The Maura I failed to protect.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I swear to god." Ma's voice cut through the bullpen like a axe. I groaned and looked up, watching veteran police officers scatter as hurricane Angela rolled in. "You're in so much trouble!"

I spun around to see my ma barreling towards me, her eyes blazing red hot. "Ma, you know you're not supposed to be here."

"Sean let me in. He agrees I need to talk some sense into my only daughter." Ma reached down, grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet with surprising strength. "Let's go."

I tried pulling my arm free, "Ma! Let go, I have work to do. What's this about anyways?"

She squinted at me, dragging me to the elevators. "Why did I have to find out from Barry that you've completely disappeared on Maura? Here I was thinking you were just sneaking in at night to be by her side. Nope! You just left and never came back, lying to your mother about being too busy to come visit her in the day."

I felt my stomach drop. I'd kill Barry, but my ma was a scary interrogator when she had to be. I couldn't fault the poor guy for balking under Angela Rizzoli. "Ma…"

"Do not Ma me! You're in so much trouble and we're going to fix this now." Ma half tossed me into the elevator.

I sighed, slumping against the back of the elevator. "There's nothing to fix. Maura has no clue who I am. It's probably better if I disappear into the wind as she heals. She doesn't need the stress of me hovering around her. I scare her." I looked up at the elevator ceiling.

"You scare her by not being there, Jane." Ma spun around on me, getting right in my face. "She's been asking for you every day. Wondering when you're coming to visit. We've all had to lie to her, telling her you were overloaded with cases and trying to work hers. I'm tired of lying for you Janie. You might be family, but so is Maura." She poked a finger hard into my chest, making me wince.

"Ma." I rubbed at the spot she poked.

"Shove it, Janie. You're coming with me. Frankie is taking Maura to her house, and you're going to apologize to her. Then you're going to be her friend." She gave me a look that told me I couldn't refuse. "I don't understand what happened. Your never left her side when she was sleeping, the moment she wakes up, you freak. Maura loves you, whether she knows you or not. She's always loved you, love her back even if she's broken."

I slammed my eyes shut, fighting the tears.

"Oh don't cry, Janie. You did this to yourself, no pity is going to save you from my kicking your ass back into shape." Ma grabbed my hand, then paused when she looked at my face. "Janie?"

I shook my head, "I do love her, ma. I love her so much and all of this is my fault." I turned and fell into my ma's arms. The dam breaking as I fell apart. "I love her. I told her the night she was attacked that I was in love with her. It was my fault she wasn't paying attention as she left work that night, I deserve to be forgotten by Maura."

"Oh boy."

* * *

XXX

 _Maura_

"Thank you, Frankie." I grinned at the younger Rizzoli, squeezing his hand as he slipped the cane into my other one. "I think I can make it to the couch." I shuffled into my house, happy to be finally home and free from the hospital.

"Sure Maura. I'll go get your bags from the trunk." Frankie ran back out as I slowly moved towards couch. I looked around the house. Everything was clean and in order. I'd have to thank Angela when she came over later.

I felt my smile fade as I saw a picture stuck to the refrigerator door. I walked over to it, using my cane. I hated having a cane, but at least I was walking again. In a few months' time, the cane could be shoved into the back of a closet and forgotten. I reached the picture, slowly taking it down and staring at it.

It was a picture of Jane and I, hugging and laughing. It looked like we were at some barbeque. Jane was wearing a kiss the cook apron, and I had a silly hat made from balloons on my head. I couldn't remember where or when this was, or Jane. But my heart hurt when I looked at Jane. It'd been three weeks since I saw her last. Frankie and Barold told me she'd been caught up in cases and didn't have time. I saw through their lies. I knew Jane was missing because of what I asked her during her last visit. The moment she left, I had my answer. There had been something more to our friendship, but no one could explain what it was. They all just said we were very close, almost family and that's why Jane was taking it so hard. I brushed off my immature assumption of possibly falling in love with Jane. Deciding it was just a natural response to my post traumatic state and trying to grasp on anything that would make sense when it came to Jane. We were simply coworkers and friends.

Deep down I knew it was more, I felt that it was more than friends. Looking at her picture, my heart raced. I traced a finger along the dimple on her cheek, "I wish I could remember us."

"Excuse me, Dr. Isles? The door was open?"

I turned to see a young woman standing at the doorway. She was dressed in scrubs and carried a small medical bag. "Hello, you must be the home care nurse my mother arranged."

She nodded, moving closer. "I am. My name is Samantha, and I'll be taking care of you for the next little while." She set her bag down and went to reach for me.

I shook my head, "I'm fine. I'd like to walk unassisted as much as possible." I set the picture of Jane and I down, and opened the refrigerator.

"I understand Dr. Isles." Samantha stood straight next to the kitchen island, watching me like a hawk. It irriated me.

"I'm healing. Not an invalid. I'm not even sure why my mother hired you." I sighed, shaking my head. "I can take care of myself." As I said that, my leg wobbled, and I started to fall forward. I reached out, trying to grab the counter to prevent from landing on my face.

A strong arm wrapped around my waist from behind and held me up. "Whoa there, Maur." Jane's voice fell across my ear, making me close my eyes, my heart almost bursting through my chest. It'd been far too long since I heard that voice, and I missed it. She stepped back, leading me to the couch and sitting me down. She glared at Samantha, "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Isles nurse, Smantha." The girl squeaked, clearly intimidated by Jane.

"Well, you can leave." Angela's voice burst into the room with her. "The Rizzoli's take care of their own. Maura doesn't need a nurse, she has all of us." She glared at Jane, "Right, Janie?"

Jane blushed and nodded, "Yes, Ma."

Angela ushered the poor girl out, ushering Frankie in to drop my bags off. I smiled, shaking my head at the boistourously protective family I inherited. The second Angela walked into my hospital room, I remembered her and her strong hugs. I remembered Frankie and his shyness whenever I smiled at him. They were my family, and I was so thankful my brain didn't push them out. More thankful because they were my only connection to Jane and I needed them. I needed to remember Jane and why I had such strong feelings for her.

"How are you feeling Maura? I see you got your wheels back." Jane stood at the end of the couch, shifting nervously one foot to the other.

I looked up at the woman. Her eyes roamed everywhere but at me. She still looked so beautiful, even if there were dark circles under her eyes and her hair looked like it was in a constant windstorm. "My wheels?" I also saw signs she'd been recently crying.

Jane nodded, waving at my legs. "You're walking. That's a good sign."

"Yes. I got my wheels back a week and a half ago." I knew my tone was bitter, it shouldn't be, Jane was free to do as she chose. But it still hurt that she went missing. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you answer my calls?" I paused, hesitating. "I missed you."

Jane bit her bottom lip, blinking quickly. "Maura, I know I screwed up."

"Yes you did!" Angela reappeared, carrying arms full of grocery bags. "You're first on duty, Jane. Frankie and I both have to work tonight. Sean gave you the rest of the day off, so no arguments. It's up to you to feed Maura and get her settled. I'll take over in the morning, and Frankie will stop by at lunch." Jane opened her mouth to say something and was quickly shut down by her mother. "No excuses. Take care of Maura. Work through your truths, Janie. Forgotten memories don't mean anything to the heart. The heart never forgets."

Angela gave me a warm hug and kiss before she left, glaring at her daughter one more time.

The second the door was closed, I spoke. "You can leave if you'd like, Jane. Will you please help me upstairs, so I can take a nap. I'll order something to eat later." I pushed up to my feet, wobbling as I steadied myself.

Jane rushed to my side, grabbing my elbow. "I can't leave you. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't." She met my eyes, "Ma would murder me." She gently pulled me into her, I sighed at the way her warmth chased away my nervous chills.

I could only nod and let Jane guide me upstairs.

Once in my bedroom, she sat me down on the edge and helped me lay down. I watched her move through my room with a strange sense of familiarity. "Jane, I apologize if I said something that put you off during your last visit." I yawned, my exhaustion from moving so much creeping in. "I didn't mean to scare you off."

Jane smiled, grabbing an extra blanket and shaking it out. "You didn't. If anything, I scared myself off." She mumbled, draping the blanket over my body before sitting down next to my legs. "I'm an idiot sometimes, and I don't do well with emotions. I just have to get used to the fact that our friendship is a little different right now."

I studied her face, her eyes focused on a spot on the floor. I reached for her hand, smiling when she let me take it. "I'd like to be your friend again, if you'd let me." I ran my thumb over the ridge of a scar. "I may not know you, Jane. But would be willing to try again? Start a friendship with me?" I paused, looking up to see Jane staring right in my eyes. "I can't explain it, but I need you. I don't feel right when you're not near. It's like a piece of me is missing." I stopped my thumb, "I know you're not a stranger even if my brain is determined to make you one. Please, give me time, Jane. I know you're important to me."

Jane grinned, blinking to fight back tears. She squeezed my hand, "Of course I'm willing to be your friend again, Maura." She stood up, "I'm going to make some tea for us, try and get comfortable. I know Ma left me a full set of instructions with your medications." Jane slowly let go of my hand and walked out of the room with her head down. I also caught her rubbing at her hands. She was nervous, and I had to find out why. I closed my eyes for a second, willing my mind for the millionth time to tell me how Jane fit into my life and if we were ever more than just friends like I was beginning to secretly wish for.

Before I could get my answer, I fell asleep.

* * *

XXXX

 **Jane**

Her screams woke me up from the afternoon nap I slipped into while watching TV. I climbed over the back of the couch and took the stairs two at time. I almost broke her bedroom door down, only to find Maura sitting up in her bed. Her arms covered her head as she screamed over and over "No No No please!"

I scooped her into my arms, pulling her tight against my body. "Maura, you're okay. You're okay, you're safe." I kissed the top of her head, gently pulling her arms from around her head. "No one's going to hurt you, I'm here."

"Jane?" Maura cried my name, she was slow to relax.

I leaned back taking her face in my hands, "Yeah, it's me." I swiped her hair from her face, trying to smile and ease her fears. "It's just a dream."

She began shivering in my arms, "I saw him. I saw his face. He was coming for me." Her voice trembled. She looked around the room with frightened wide eyes. "He's going to come for me."

I swallowed hard, I had to fight my detective nature to question her. I could do that later, it was more important Maura was okay. I pulled Maura against my chest, closing my eyes as her arms wrapped around my waist and clutched tightly.

"Will you stay? Keep me safe?" Maura's voice was so tiny, it made me want to cry. "I need you, Jane."

I nodded, moving to lay us both down in the bed. Maura wouldn't loosen her grip on me, she only held me tighter as I ran my hand up and down her back. "Go back to sleep, Maura. I'll be right here."

Maura nodded against my neck, sniffling. It took a few minutes for her breathing to settle before she fell back to sleep. I kissed her forehead, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again, Maura. Including me. I love you so much to let that happen." I shifted Maura a little to make her more comfortable before turning to stare out her bedroom window. "It's time to take ma's advice. I don't think our hearts could forget each other, even if your mind wanted it to."


	4. Chapter 4

**N: Short one. I also didn't want to drag this out into a super slow burn. So things move on. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Jane**

I woke up to an empty bed. Maura was missing. I went from half asleep to wide awake in a half second. "Maura?" I sprang out of the bed, fumbling for the light. Night had long fallen, and her bedroom was swallowed in darkness. Shit. Shit. Shit. I'd screwed up again.

I searched the bathroom, slapping lights on as I went. "Maura?" I felt the slow creep of panic moving along my spine. Where could she have gone? Did her attacker follow her home? I ran out of her bedroom, running down the stairs to grab my gun when I found her. Sitting on the couch, wrapped in one of the Red Sox blankets I brought over from my apartment last winter. My heart slowed back down to normal as I walked over to her. "Maura are you okay?"

She nodded, pulling the blanket closer around her shoulders. "I had another small nightmare and woke up. I didn't want to bother you, so I came down here." She looked up at me, her eyes red, puffy and desperate for sleep.

I sat on the arm of the couch, glancing at the clock. "That little nap turned into a good six-hour sleep. It's barely past eight, would you like something to eat? Ma left some food in the fridge, or I can order whatever you'd like." I turned back, spotting Maura's laptop open. She had pulled up every single picture ever taken of her and I over the last few years. Everything from casual moments at the department, to my favorites of just her and I. They were selfies I'd taken as my feelings grew for her and my fear of losing her increased. My stupid mind figured if I took a thousand pictures of us, I'd have that to fall back on when I eventually spilled my heart and ruined our friendship. "Um. I can order from that weird veggie place you love. They have your usual order on file, since your still on a strict diet." I cleared my throat, growing nervous.

"I think I'd like the grilled chicken and eggplant Angela left us." Maura spoke softly, her brow furrowing. She clicked on the laptop, pulling up the departments facial recognition program. There was a picture of a man, dark hair, bright blue eyes and stubble. "I couldn't shake him from my thoughts. It's not perfect, but his hair, eyes, and face shape came through in my second nightmare. I've emailed this to Barry." She paused, closing her eyes and sinking further into the couch. "I want to apologize for scaring you, Jane."

I slid off the arm to sit next to Maura, my stomach twisting in knots. I knew Barry would already be working on running the rendering through every database. "Maura never ever apologize for anything. You never owe me an apology." I leaned against her and felt that she was shivering. I couldn't help it, and threw an arm around her, pulling her into my side as I reached over and swiped away the face of Maura's possible attacker. I pulled up a picture of the very first softball game Maura and her team played. "You remember this?"

She nodded, "I do. I remember the lab team beat the homicide team." She frowned as I swiped through pictures of everyone from that day.

"It was a great day. You laughed like a little kid every time someone hit a home run, whether it was your team or mine." I grinned, having my own memories that day. "That was also the day I got you to eat a hot dog from a street vendor."

Maura frowned deeper and tried to move away from me. "Why can't I remember you. I remember that day, but you're missing." Her eyes welled up as she pushed out of my arms. "Who are you, Jane? Who are you to me? Who am I to you?" She glanced at me, "Please don't tell me that we're best friends, family. You didn't hesitate to wrap me in your arms last night and hold me until I fell asleep. The nurses and doctors told me you never left my side and would argue with them when things grew very bleak. You are the only person in the world who knows I love glazed doughnuts. A secret I even hid from my mother. You protect me with everything you have, and I sit here, going through years of pictures and I can't connect the dots. I can't connect how Jane Rizzoli exists in my life when I've never met you." Her voice rose as the tears grew heavier. "I said your name in the nightmare. I was on the phone, calling you. I was scared calling you, but not because I was about to be attacked."

I clenched my fists, fighting from pulling her close again. "Maura." Her subconscious was coming out of the darkness. And it was happening faster than I was prepared for.

She shook her head, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "No, please. I just need answers. Everyone has giving me clinical explanations, or vague friendly ones. I know my mind is in a fragile state, but I'm not a victim. I will not be a victim. I know in my heart my attacker took something important away from me when it comes to you, and I'm almost desperate to have it back." She looked at me, her hazel eyes pleading with me in a way that shattered my will. "You might be a stranger, but I think my heart never forgot you. I just have to put the pieces together."

I turned away from her, staring at my scars as my fingers moved on their own to dig at them. "You are my best friend, that's the truth." I blew out a breath, debating whether I pulled the band aid off or leave it to linger and rot.

Maura grabbed my hand, wrapping my fingers into hers. "I asked about your scars. Everyone told me to ask you." She spoke quietly, "I've been nervous to ask, fearing you got them because of me. I'm nervous because the thought of hurting you makes me want to vomit." She trailed off, releasing my hand at the same time.

I sighed, laying my hands flat on my thighs. "You didn't do this. A monster did this. His name was Hoyt and I played his game for a couple of years until he threatened someone I loved." I flexed my fingers, "The second he thought it was a good idea to use you as bait, I made sure he could never hurt anyone ever again." I looked at Maura, pointing my chin at the barely visible scar on her neck. "After that day, I promised you I'd never let anyone hurt you ever again." I paused again, my heart falling into my stomach to roll around like a log. "Including me."

"Hoyt. I know that name." Maura furrowed her brow, her big brain searching all of it's databases. "He was a serial killer." She stopped her words as she closed her eyes. "He attacked me in a prison hospital." She ran her fingers along the thin line no one but her and I would ever see. "Why did my brain lose you, Jane?" She whispered the words out, tears heavy in her voice.

"Because I think I fucked up the night you were attacked." I leaned forward, covering my face with both hands.

"Language." Maura's comment made me chuckle. "How did you make a mistake? From where I sit, the only mistake you've made is standing by me." She buried her face into the soft material of the blanket.

I turned to face her, studying her. Maura was starting to fill out from ma's cooking, but she was still frail looking, beautiful but frail, and it made me want to protect her even more. But I knew I had two choices in front of me. Keep playing the vague game and hope her memories click, or just be honest and tell her everything. I was already a stranger in her mind, so if I told her the truth and she crapped all over it, I could walk away. Fade away into the shadows of being that weird coworker who had a crush on her. Maybe I could get a transfer to another precinct, or shit, I could call the FBI and take them up on the Quantico job offer.

"Jane? You're staring." Maura shifted under the blanket uncomfortably.

"I know." I pushed my hair back and sunk into the cushions. "First, you're never a mistake." I sucked in a large breath, eyeing the bottles of beer in her fridge. I put them there three weeks ago when I came over to help Ma clean Maura's house. "Second. I screwed up that day of your incident. We had a mini argument, and I said somethings that threw you off." I ran my hands through my hair, fingers catching on tangles. "To answer your previous questions, there is something more than friends between us. At least on my side."

I stopped, looking at Maura to gauge whether I should continue or not. She just held her eyes on mine, smiling politely. It was her listening intently face. I huffed, dropping my hands from my hair, and clasped them together. "I will always protect you. I will always be there at your side, in good times and bad. I will never forget your favorite foods from glazed doughnuts to all organic vegetarian kale salads. I will always put my life before yours, a lesson that took me far too long to learn. You're my best friend in the world, and somewhere over the years… I fell in love with you." I swallowed hard, squeezing my hands together to the point it hurt. "Our argument that day was over you trying to set me up with some FBI agent. I was tired, irritated and completely over hiding my feelings for you. So like the idiot I am, I blurted them out, almost yelling my feelings in your face. I ran, like the idiot I am and ignored your phone calls. You kept calling, and I knew it was because you didn't feel the same for me."

I stood up suddenly, feeling the air between us grow thick. "I screwed up. I distracted you and in turn I failed to protect you. I just keep hurting you." I looked around, spotting my boots right by the door. Ready for my quick escape. "I'll call Ma. She's right around the corner. She can sit with you." I shifted, moving slowly to my boots. I blinked back tears, this hurt like hell the first time, and was a hundred times worse the second time.

* * *

XXX

 **Maura**

I watched Jane back up like a cornered dog. She was three steps from walking away, and every fiber in my being told me not to let her go. She just confessed something massive for her, and even as I didn't understand it, I did. "Jane." I slowly stood up, using the couch as a crutch. "Please, wait."

Jane shook her head, "It's fine. I'm fine." She sniffled but covered it up by coughing. "Um, I'll go wait outside." She bent over to yank her boots on.

I moved as fast as I could, hobbling on weak legs. I only made it to the bar stool at the kitchen island. I watched the brunette for a moment, angrily swiping away swaths of curl black hair. The same black hair that covered most of my front when I woke up to Jane sleeping on my chest. Her ear pressed right over my heart. It was then I knew that the old me, the one who knew Jane, had been equally in love with the woman as I was now. It was as Angela said, the heart never forgets. It was scientifically impossible and highly illogical to fall in love at first sight and with a stranger, but hearing Jane speak her truths, I knew it was possible. "I'm not sure if the old me knew she was in love with you. Maybe that's why my nightmare includes me calling you in a panic." I pointed at the cane resting next to Jane's arm. "Can you please hand me my cane?" My voice had ceased Jane from pulling her boots on.

Jane was fidgeting with her hands, her head tilted down as she did as I asked. "Okay."

She slipped it into my hand, her other hand grazing my hip to steady me. I smiled at her touch, "Thank you." I steadied myself and took a step closer to her, grabbing the hand that was moving away from hip. "Last night, you slept with your ear pressed against my heart. You murmured my name and instead of feeling frightened, I felt complete. I felt safe in your arms. I also couldn't remember ever feeling anything like that in my entire life. None of this should make sense with our current relationship, or lack of." I bit my bottom lip, pulling Jane's hand up to rest against my racing heart. "But I'm drawn to everything Jane Rizzoli, even if it's as foreign to me as street meat."

Jane chuckled, a small smirk forming. I unfurled her fingers, so I could feel her entire palm against my skin. Her warmth soaking into the thin shirt I'd changed into after waking up the second time. "I'm falling in love with you, Jane. Please tell me that your feelings haven't changed for me, because if I never remember the old you, I want to start with you now. I want to understand why I feel like this, and embrace it. I want to love you, so much." I swallowed the hard lump in my throat.

Jane lifted her other hand, brushing the back of her fingers across my cheek, making me sigh. "What if you wake up, remember everything? And you don't feel like this." She rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you'll vomit out some sort of scientific reasoning of how brain trauma amplifies emotions. You'll google talk me to death and then what?" She then pressed her open palm against my skin, making me close my eyes and revel in her touch. Even with the gentle ridge of her scar reminding me of how dangerous Jane's life was. I'd willingly take on any danger as long as it kept her near me.

I smiled, "Then I'll hit myself in the head to go back to this moment. I don't want to forget the way I feel about you right now." I stepped forward, sliding my arms around her waist. Jane immediately responded, wrapping hers around me as she kissed the top of my head.

"Please don't hurt this beautiful head of yours, I've grown very fond of it." Jane murmured against my hair. She pressed another kiss, "I love you, Maura Isles. Don't feel obligated to reciprocate the sentiment, I've just waited a really long time to say that."

I squeezed her tighter, "I'm sure I'll say it sooner than later." I pressed my ear against her heart, smiling as it beat just as hard as mine. "I never got to say thank you for the glazed doughnut. It was the best thing I ate in the hospital."

Jane laughed again, leaning out of my arms. "You're welcome." She ran her eyes over my face, stopping for a moment longer on my lips. She licked her own, clearing her throat, a rush of desire for her to kiss me, surged through my entire body. "How about we eat? I'll tell Frankie to stop by with some doughnuts for dessert." She turned to the sound of her phone ringing. "I should get that, it's Frost." Jane moved out of my arms and grabbed her phone. Her face fell quickly as she turned her back on me and spoke in a quite tone.

I moved to sit down on the bar stool, watching her shoulders hunch over. I knew it had to do something with my incident. A few minutes later, Jane hung up and met my eyes. Gone was the overwhelming love, replaced by the intense detective. "Frankie is on his way over to sit with you. Frost got a hit on your sketch. We're taking a trip downtown to talk to a few people." She spoke in clipped tones, the detective permeating every inch.

I sighed, pulling the blanket closed as a quick shiver ran over my body. "Jane, please be careful."

She smiled weakly, nodding as she jammed her feet into her boots. "I will." She rushed over, bending to kiss me on the forehead, "I'm making you a new promise tonight. I'll always think twice before I rush into the fire." She squeezed my shoulder and rushed out the door. I heard Frankie holler at her before walking into the house. Smiling shyly as he said hello.

I absently pressed my hand over my heart, a familiar ache forming. I frowned as Frankie moved in the kitchen, pulling out leftovers. The familiar ache was not new, it was an old memory. A feeling I knew I had to have felt whenever Jane walked out of my door like she did now.


	5. Chapter 5

N: enjoy! It's the holiday weekend so I'll be spending my days off outside!

* * *

 **Jane**

"Sam Ross. Thirty-two-year-old white Male with an extensive rap sheet. Simple burglaries to vicious assaults. It looks like he got caught up in a drug gang linked with the cartel. He spent fifteen years up in state." Frost flicked through the file as I paced around my desk. My adrenaline was already reaching a tipping point.

"Where is he?" I wanted to get my hands on this jerk and maybe have him fall down a few stairs.

"Narco is watching him for us. Ross lives in southie in his grandmother's house." Frost set the file on my desk, taking a step closer. "Settle down Jane. We can't go barging in, slapping cuffs on him. We can only go talk to him as a possible suspect. You and I both know we need more evidence."

"Maura recognized him!" I threw my hands up in frustration. "She recognized her attacker! What else do we need!"

"We need more than an amnesiac woman's word." Frost paused, staring me down as he saw the fire in my eyes. "She doesn't know you, you know how that'd go over in court. Half of Boston see you as the dynamic duo. Rizzoli and Isles. Lady superheroes."

I sighed, clenching my jaw as I knew Frost was right. But it didn't reign in my desire for justice and a side of revenge. His words also struck hard. Maura still didn't know me. Regardless of what happened between us in the last handful of hours, I was still a mystery. I had a sinking feeling that Maura's PTSD was doing most of the talking for her. Although she was tough and took no shit from anyone in her autopsy room, outside was a different story. Years of lonely social abandonment had left her very awkward and unsure, especially after the Rizzoli family rolled into her life. Our loud, obnoxious form of love had broken a few of her walls down, but it also left her confused as to what to do with the feelings being unconditionally loved brought.

Maybe she was jumping the gun with her feelings. Desperate to grabbed onto something, or someone, that felt safe. Hold onto it as the nightmares edged over into the daylight. I would know, I struggled with my own nightmares for years and had latched onto Maura in my own desperation. I looked up at my partner. Frost was staring at me with a concerned look. "Jane, you can talk to me. I've got two good ears and a ton of patience."

I chuckled, running a hand through messy hair. I hadn't even bothered to change or clean up. I was still wearing a wrinkled suit and bedhead. "I don't think you'd understand."

"You should try me. You look at Maura the same way my mom looks at her wife." Frost leaned in closer, so our conversation wouldn't reach the entire bullpen. "And the way she looks at you."

I huffed shaking my head. "That was old Maura." I hesitated before asking. "Barry, do you think feelings are amplified after a traumatic event? And that a person could just be feeling something out of fear? Whether its love or desire to love?" I waved my hands, "You know, like phantom feelings. Ones that fade in time after the trauma stops being fresh?"

Barry shrugged, "I mean phantom feelings is a reality. Dr. Beauchamp told me and explained the doc would have a hard adjustment period. Dr. Isles is a genius, so her basic nature would be to fall back on scientific reasoning and solutions to get her back on her feet. I've noticed she's very uptight since she woke up. You know, like old Maura when she first started here. Uptight, snooty, and totally unable to take a joke. I saw her struggle with your ma the day she left the hospital. All rigid and uncomfortable. "Frost cocked an eyebrow. "She loves your ma, always hugging her first. So, yeah maybe there's a theory. Why do you ask?"

I swallowed hard. All of my rational and irrational fears colliding at once. Maura was a genius, and she of all people would know the psychological effects of trauma. But Maura also had a significant head injury and might be playing normal to ease the rest of us.

I did tell her I loved her first, she was probably playing off that.

There was just too much, and my brain was starting to short out. My own psyche was starting to psyche me out. "Naw, Frost. Just thinking out loud. Everything is perfect as perfect with a head injury could be." What I wanted to really say was, no Frost, nothing is okay. I'm drowning in my ridiculous self-doubt and fear. I'm not the big bad detective you see, I'm a giant soft serve whose heart was lost a long time ago to a familiar blonde doctor. I smiled through my internal rant.

He eyed me for a moment, "She'll remember. If not, think of this as a chance to start again. Maybe this time you can face your feelings." He paused as his cell phone buzzed. "It's narco. They're about to arrest Ross for dealing. Guess he did a deal right in front of UC car."

I flexed my hands, cracking a few knuckles. "Tell narco we'll be there in ten. I want a crack at this kid before he loses it when they tell him he's headed back upstate."

I grabbed my coat, double checking my gun was on my hip and rushed out of the bullpen. Frost three steps behind me, mumbling something about getting ready for a fight.

* * *

 **Maura**

Frankie was asleep in the chair across from mep, snoring exactly like his sister. I'd moved from the couch to the small office next to the guest room. I couldn't go back to sleep after Jane left. I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation and discussing my newfound feelings for her.

So, I'd opted to sit and search through more of my files, hoping to jog any memories to the front of my mind. I was getting more of my memories back, mainly of the night I was attacked. I had a theory if I could drown my mind with my past life with jane, my brain would open those closed doors.

I was swiping through a set of photos from what looked like last summer. Jane and I were at a baseball game. I was covered head to toe in Red Sox clothing and holding one of those giant foam fingers I never understood the purpose of. Jane was next to me, bright red cheeks as if she was embarrassed by me or just as happy as I appeared to be.

I ran my finger along the computer screen, fighting back emotions as I couldn't remember that day. Nor could I remember where I had tucked the sports clothing away in my closet. I hated seeing jane so happy with me and not being able to tap into that to make her happy now. I saw the shadows in her eyes as she stepped out of my embrace. Uncertainty flooding those big brown eyes.

"Maura? Are you okay honey?" Angela's voice broke me from my stinking thoughts.

I turned to her standing in the doorway and smiled. The Rizzoli matriarch was dressed in fuzzy pink pajamas topped with even fuzzier pink slippers. I nodded slowly, absently rubbing at the side of my head that had been injured. It still ached when I moved too much, thought too much. "I didn't want to bother Frankie."

Angela laughed, waving her hand. "You should've. Falling asleep on his watch!" She moved closer, peering over my shoulder at the laptop. "Your first baseball game! Janie was so excited to take you! She bought you everything you're wearing in that picture, then regretted it when you decided to wear it all at once."

I smiled, sighing. "I don't know what to do, Angela. Nothing is triggering my memories." I looked up, "If I asked you a question, would you tell me the truth?"

Angela's eyes widened. "Um, sure Maura."

"Jane and I." I glanced at the picture. "I told her that I feel something for her that goes past friendship. I don't know if it's new feelings or old feelings I'm finally speaking on. I know my doctor would suggest my sudden confession would be PTSD related, that I'm looking to find a sense of normalcy." I turned to Jane's mother. "But in my heart, it's the truth. I adore your daughter and not because she's my best friend. My question is, did I ever exhibit a behavior that suggested I had strong feelings for Jane before my incident?"

Angela laughed, shaking her head as she sat on the edge of the desk. "You two are a pair, that's for sure." She picked up my hand. "Truth is this, Maura. I saw that my daughter was in love with you the first time she brought you to Sunday dinner. Although I didn't understand it first, I gave up thinking about it as I saw how important you were to her. How good you _are_ for her." She clasped my hands in both of her strong ones, pushing her own brand of motherly love into my body. "Jane confessed she was in love with you a few days ago. I only bring it up because knowing my daughter, she's overthinking everything and will probably disappear. You're her soul mate but has never had a good relationship in her life, so she's scared. It doesn't help your beautiful brain lost her."

I sniffled, "What do I do? How can I prove to her and my blank mind that these feelings I have for her are real? I want them. I want these feelings and I want Jane in my life. It could be my PTSD, but I don't think so. I've spent hours looking at pictures of us and the way we look at each other. No one has ever looked at me like Jane does."

"And Jane has never looked at anyone the way she looks at you. The night we thought we lost you, we almost lost Jane. Jane was miserable and never left your room unless it was to go to work per Cavanaugh's orders. I caught her a few times praying that if you woke up, she'd tell you how much she loved you every day." Angela grinned. "I have an idea!" She hopped off the edge of the desk.

I watched her move around in excitement. "What is it?"

"Woo her! Ask her out on date, buy her a bouquet, write her poems! Romance the pants off my stubborn daughter. I think it's the only way to prove that what you feel now, is never going away." Angela clapped her hands together, "My cousin Carla owns a flower shop. We can make an order in the morning.

I would've chased off the idea as silly, but the fluttering in my stomach told me it was a great idea. I would show Jane how much I loved her, not just through words but actions. I would do the things I should've done in the past when I had her in all of my memories. "I just have to make new ones with her."

I stood up slowly, "Angela, can you help me upstairs? I need to search my closet for the Red Sox shirt Jane bought me."

Angela grinned, "That won't be too hard. Jane left it on your bed. You wear that shirt to bed every night, the thing is almost see through." She winked at me as I blushed, and gently grasped my arm. "Come on let's go brainstorm perfect dates."

* * *

 **Jane**

I barely hear Frost shouting my name. I only heard my boots smacking on the concrete as I ran after Ross. The little shit had bolted the second he saw my face. I wanted to kick Narco for not handcuffing him, who cares if he was cooperating, he was a shit. A shit who beat up Maura.

I spun around a corner, Ross's yellow shirt a few steps ahead of me. "Ross! Stop! Make this easier! You know I can run faster and longer than you!"

Ross turned to flip me off and barreled right into the side of a parked car. I smirked as he groaned and fell to the ground. I was ontop of him in a second, "Tell me why you picked Maura?! Why her?"

"Get the fuck off of me!" Ross squirmed, freeing an arm and swung at me. Catching me right across the cheek, knocking me off of him. I instantly felt that he split open my cheek, and it made me even angrier. Ross scrambled to his feet, preparing to run. I was faster and speared him back into the car, satisfied when I heard him grunt on impact.

"I'm not getting the fuck off of you! You're under arrest for the assault of Dr. Maura Isles." I kicked his feet out from under him, kneeling on his back to slap handcuffs on him. "Now, tell me why you did it and I might put you in a nicer cell."

Ross squirmed underneath me, "I was paid to do it! Someone hates your girlfriend more than I do." He groaned when I pressed my knee deeper into his back. "Stop it! This is police brutality!"

I chuckled, easing up and leaning closer to his face. "Who did it?" I was trying so hard to keep my anger from spiraling out of control, but I could hear the footsteps and sirens of my backup coming.

Ross looked in my eyes, "I don't want to go back to prison as a snitch. Look in my drug charges, then call my lawyer. He'll work with you. He knows who paid me be the patsy for the attack. I didn't actually hurt the woman, they paid me to take the fall and admit to it. I'm a bastard junkie, but I couldn't hurt a woman like that. Even if her testimony sent me up for fifteen to twenty. I heard she doesn't remember shit, including you. That must suck to have the love of your life forget you." Ross laughed, spitting out blood catching the look on my face. "They know everything about you and Dr. Isles. The people who hired me wanted to hurt you just as much as you, Detective Jane Rizzoli."

I stared at Ross, my gut telling me he was telling the truth. I also wanted to beat the smirk off his face. I stood up just as Frost and the narco team swarmed us. I pushed past the yelling cops and walked away, Frost on my tail.

"Jane? I got an ambulance coming to look at your cheek. Ross hit you?"

I nodded, swiping away at the blood as Ross's words sank in. "Yeah. Make sure he gets charged with assaulting a police officer." I looked at the blood soaking into my jacket. "He's willing to talk if we deal. Tell Martinez I need a favor and have him interview Ross at one of his undercover locations. Ross was paid to set up Maura, he told me he didn't attack her, just facilitated it. Martinez will get answers out of him."

"I'll tell him now. Will you just wait here for the bus? Your face is a mess, Jane." Frost spoke softly, doing his best not to prod me for more. "I'll take you back to the doc's after we get you patched up."

I shook my head, "No. I'm going home. It's better if I stay away from Maura until we get answers out of Ross." I glanced at Frost, "He said something about wanting to hurt me as much as they hurt Maura. All I do is hurt her, Frost." I tipped my head down and walked to the corner where the ambulance was pulling up. "Maybe it's for the best she forgot me."

* * *

 **Maura**

"Jane, don't be stupid." Angela was on her phone, pacing around the kitchen. "Yes, I can stay with Maura, but you should be here."

I walked over to her, my stomach turning. I pressed a hand against it, wrinkling the soft material of the Red Sox shirt I just put on. It smelled a lot like Jane and I was drawn to wrap myself in anything that reminded me of her.

"Fine. Whatever." Angela hung up and tossed the phone across the counter. "Jane isn't coming over. She claims her interview is going to take all night."

I nodded, "Did she say anything about the man I saw in my nightmare?"

Angela shrugged, "Nope. She only said she was going home to change her clothes and that would be heading back to the station. My daughter is a workaholic!"

I almost agreed with her, but for whatever reason I didn't believe Jane was working. I'd already figured out that when Jane was scared, she would have clipped conversations with her mother, or anyone else. Something had to have happened at the interview and Jane was hiding. I shifted on my cane, "Angela, can you wake Frankie up and ask him to drive me over to Jane's?"

"I can take you, Maura. Then I can smack some sense into her." Angela growled.

I laughed, "That's exactly why I suggested Frankie. You going over there now would end in a mother daughter argument."

Angela threw her hands up, "Fine! But take some leftovers to her. She probably hasn't eaten all day, another reason why she's cranky." She walked to the couch, nudging Frankie on the shoulder. "Frankie! Wake up, you're taking Maura to Jane's."

He groaned and rolled over, grumbling as he pulled his shoes on. It was clear he heard the conversation and wanted no part in it. He grabbed his car keys, grabbed my coat and walked over. He helped me into my coat before a tub of pasta was shoved into his free hand. Nothing else was said as he walked me to the car, just Angela hollering about her stubborn children.

* * *

I shoo'd Frankie after he walked me to Jane's door. I knew Jane was home by the light coming out from under the door and the pitter patter of Jo Friday's feet as she scampered around. I took in a breath and knocked gently. I had to knock twice before Jane came to the door, opening it quickly. "Ma, I wish you would listen when I say leave me alone."

I gasped when I saw Jane's face. A large bandage covered most of her cheek with a large bruise forming under her eye. "Jane! What happened?" I immediately reached for her. My heart raced at the sight of Jane hurt.

Jane stepped back, her eyes wide with surprise. "Maura? What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

I pressed my hand against her cheek, gently probing the injury. "Is anything broken? Did you have a xray? Her hair was pulled back, giving me an incredible view of her neck and jawbone. If anything, Jane Rizzoli was an incredibly beautiful woman. I would have to be blind not to be attracted to her in the slightest. Even if old me wasn't attracted to her, I was now. I had to swallow hard as her eyes met mine in an intense gaze.

Jane took my hand, pulling it down. "Why are we answering questions with more questions?" She held my hand, looking down at the shirt I wore. Her eyes welled up. "Why are you wearing my shirt?"

I smiled, "I thought it was mine. I put it on because it smelled like you." I wove my fingers into hers, "Can I come in and look at your cheek?"

Jane hesitated before nodding and guiding me into her apartment. She let go of my hand, moving it to my elbow as she led me to the couch. She then sat next to me, "Please tell me you didn't drive over here. I'd hate to suspend your license, doctor."

I leaned forward, peeling the bandage up. I saw a series of neat stitches holding together red angry skin. "Who punched you? And don't tell me it was a punch. I can tell by the impact and the way the skin separated that it was a closed fist punch." I placed the bandage back, running a light finger over the tape. I smiled as Jane blushed and moved her head away.

"Suspect ran. I chased, and we had a scuffle." Jane clenched her fists. Another tell of hers that she was hiding something. I had started to pick up most of Jane's physical cues, and I could almost read her like a book.

I nodded, deciding not to push her. When she kept her head down, focused on her scars, it meant she wouldn't talk. I grabbed her hand, taking it in mine so I could massage her hand. "That's not the whole truth, Jane. But you'll tell me when you want to." I heard her sigh and lean into me. "After you left, I spent a few hours looking at pictures. I still can't remember us, but I think it's time we start over. Start a new us and move forward. If I do wake up and remember it all, I want you to know that the way I feel about you now won't change." I glanced at Jane, watching me with intensity. "I think the old me was afraid of the strong feelings she had for you and hid it. I'm wondering if my incident was a sign, a sign to embrace things I might not have understood in the past, and deal with it." I pulled Jane's hand up, kissing the top of her hand softly. "I really like you Jane Rizzoli and I was wondering if could take you out on a date? We could go to a baseball game."

Jane laughed nervously, "Maura, it's November. Baseball is over." She stared at me for a few seconds. "Are you serious?"

I nodded, "When have I never been serious?"

Jane rolled her eyes, "That's a true statement if I ever heard one." She swallowed hard, thinking. "Before I say yes, I want you to know I will do whatever it takes to protect you. Even if it means I have to disappear for a while, I'm always going to care for you. I'm always going to protect you."

I looked at her confused, "That's a strange comment, dare I ask why you brought it up?"

Jane shook her head, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. "Later. I want to absorb this moment. The day Maura Isles asked me out."

I grinned, blushing, "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, it's a yes." She tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. "But I'm driving." She pulled me into her arms, swallowing me in her strong warmth. There was something that was bothering her, I saw it in her eyes. It had something to do with the man I saw in my nightmare. But I was tired of letting my nightmares control me. "Jane?"

"Mmm?" Jane's breathing was evening out.

"Are you wearing my shirt?" I'd recognized the old BCU shirt the second she opened the door.

"Yes. It smelled like you." Jane hugged me closer, before standing up, pulling me with her. "Let's go get some sleep. I'll tell Frankie to go home." She grabbed her cell phone and typed out a quick message. She then led me to the bedroom. She tucked me in before rolling in her side. I scooted closer to her, throwing an arm over her stomach, laying my head over her heart.

Jane covered my hand with hers, and as I closed my eyes I had a flicker of a memory of us doing this exact same thing. And feeling the exact same thing I did now. Love.


	6. Chapter 6

**N: this is a short one and all in Jane's POV. I wrote some after this, but it didn't feel right to keep on. I dunno if it works. The next update might be late, I have a crazy work schedule and need to work on Devils2 a bit with the one day off i have this week. Forgive me! But read on and enjoy!**

* * *

 **Jane**

I could literally feel Maura staring at me. I shifted in the bed, turning to face her. I cracked one eye open, "Staring is considered very rude in polite society. And you, Dr. Isles, are the true definition of polite society." My voice was gravelly. I could use another sixteen hours of sleep, but my senses were hyper aware in the days since Maura woke up. Always afraid she'd slip away if I wasn't paying attention.

A set of bashful hazel eyes tipped away from my face. "It is very rude." She went to move away from me, pulling the comforter to her chin.

I gently took her hand clutched around the comforter and held it. I ran my fingers along hers, hating that they were still so thin and frail. "You need more glazed doughnuts." I smiled at the way Maura squeezed my fingers. "Why are you awake? It's three in the morning, and with the number of drugs you're on, you should be sleeping like a lazy teenager."

Maura gave me a look. "That's a unique euphemism. The medications I'm on do nothing but keep me awake. I believe my body is beginning to resist them in hopes I'll stop taking so many chemicals. And my sleep is still riddled with nightmares." She paused, thinking. "Did you know as a teenager, I never slept past seven am? I also always went to bed at eleven."

I cocked an eyebrow, "Even in college?"

Maura nodded sheepishly. "Even in college on weeknights. I can count the number of times I was out past midnight in college. Four. Two of those times was because I was studying all night." She shifted her pillow, propping her head up. "What about you?"

I chuckled. "There wasn't a day I didn't go to bed before two am in high school and college. Shit, I don't really remember the last time I curled up in bed at a decent time." I sighed, "The life of a detective." I looked up from our hands. "So why are you staring at me?"

Maura slowly snaked her hand free of mine. "Can you tell me more about you? Something you never told the old me?"

I laughed, running my hands through tangled hair. Why was my hair always a bramble bush? "I don't think there was much you didn't know about me. I've bared most of my soul to you over the years, the good parts and the very awkward parts." I sighed, rolling on to my back to look up at the ceiling. I frowned spotting a few water stains. My apartment was such a craphole compared to Maura's pristine townhouse.

"Please Jane." Her voice was so small it broke my heart. I also suddenly felt like a putz. Maura was trying so very hard to fill her in the holes her brain left her with. And here I was, being a stubborn putz. I loved this woman, she clearly loved me.

I nodded, still staring at the water stains. "In the time after Hoyt, I went back to work too fast. I hid that I was still in pain and suffering nightmares that bled into the day. I would plaster on my tough girl mask and carry on, telling everyone I was totally fine. No one ever knew, and still doesn't know, that I would hide in the janitors closet down in the basement and cry my eyes out on my lunch break. I would have to talk myself down and sit on my hands to stop them from shaking." I chewed on the inside of my cheek, biting down to fight the rolling in my stomach. "I couldn't tell anyone what was going on. If I did, I'd be sent back to the shrinks and have my brain poked out. They'd take my badge away and I'd lose the one thing I was living for."

I started rubbing the scar on top of my left hand, the one that always hurt the most. "I felt alone. I couldn't talk to my parents, they were already losing their minds I'd gone back to work in homicide. Frankie was trying so hard to be the protective brother, but I needed him to focus on keeping himself safe on the streets. I was at odds with Korsak and Frost was intimidated by me. The rest of the department either saw me as a hero or a nutcase waiting to crack."

Maura's slender hand fell onto of mine. She began gently massaging the area around the scar, massaging away the tension I always felt. "I almost called it quits. I almost packed up my apartment and book a one-way ticket to the edge of the world." I turned to Maura, her eyes watery. "Then I ran into you in the café. I literally ran into, knocking your tea of your hand. We weren't friends then, just coworkers. I had been avoiding the morgue since I came back, I didn't have the stomach yet to look at scalpels or any type of medical tools." I sighed, flipping my hand over to link our fingers together. I then pulled her hand to rest over my heart. "Being the nerdy doctor you are, you reached for my hand. Your medical eye was drawn to the angry red scar tissue. You didn't even flinch when I tried to pull my hand away, instead you stood firm, massaging it and unleashing your google mind on me. Rolling off facts about massage therapy, oils to accelerate the healing of scar tissue."

"Jane, I'm sorry if I invaded your personal space. I lack many social skills, and when I get excited about science, my manners come second." Maura whispered. I was pretty sure she was blushing by the tone of her voice.

I brought her hand up, kissing the tops of her knuckles. "I know, trust me, I know how your science brain can push everyone out of the room when it's excited." I rolled to my side, "It was your touch that calmed all the noise in my head. I wouldn't let anyone touch my hands, let alone see them. But there you were, the queen of the dead in designer heels, massaging my hand with such gentleness. It threw me off, but when you looked in my eyes, I was done for. I only saw someone trying to be kind to me. You didn't see Jane Rizzoli hero cop, you saw me. You saw Jane Rizzoli petrified woman who had to remind herself to breathe." I smirked in the darkness, "I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you but ignored it. Then you started arranging your schedule to meet me on accident in the café. You started bringing reports and test results up to me. You never asked how I was out loud, you just did it with silent looks. You always gave me a open door and a judgement free place to talk. We quickly became friends, and I swallowed down my feelings for you. I soon realized a life without Maura Isles was pointless, and I'd do anything to keep you in my life." I let out a slow breath, "That's what I mean when I told you that you save my life every day. You do, Maura. You save my life in the biggest ways, down to just smiling at me when I'm cranky. My life would be pretty shitty without you in it."

"Language." Maura half whispered the word out, her voice trembling with unshed tears. "Jane, I…"

"You asked for something I never told the old you. This a big something. I've never told anyone what I just did. I never thought I'd tell anyone." I sighed, "You probably wanted more of a deep secret like I don't actually like the Boston Bruins. I'm more of a Red Wings fan, but I'd be disowned if I ever told my family. Or maybe I've grown to semi like kale and will eat kale salads once a week. You're doctor tone in my head telling my heart would appreciate the effort." I scrunched my face up, "Then there's the fact I love that gross reality show about the restaurant and all the trashy employees. My DVR is packed with episodes, but I've relabeled them as news recordings, so no one pokes around."

Maura laughed softly, but her smile faded quickly. She began searching my eyes as if she was looking for another deeply buried secret of mine. "What? Is it too much? I mean I have lamer secrets."

Maura shook her head as her hand slid across my cheek and she inched closer. We were a breath apart. My heart lurched into my throat and I opened my mouth to make some sarcastic comment. My go to when it came to heavy moments. Maura shook her head and leaned closer, kissing the corner of my mouth. I could hear her own heart pounding even as she was being cautious. "Maura." Her name came out in a deep raspy whisper.

"Don't." Maura moved, kissing me fully and I couldn't help but respond to the kiss. I met her, kissing her back and closing my eyes as my heart threatened to explode in the best way imaginable. Maura's hand slid to the side of my neck, gently pulling me deeper into the kiss. I let her guide me. I could barely think, letting my instincts take charge. Maura pushed me to my back, continuing to kiss me, her tongue running across my bottom lip. I moaned, opening my mouth wider for her.

I'd wanted to kiss Maura a million times over in the last few months. I'd zone out as she ranted, staring at her lips and wondering if they were as soft as they looked. They were. I could confirm it now. Maura Isles had incredibly soft lips. I ran my hands up her side, stopping right at her shoulder blades. I wanted to pull her against my chest and kiss her until for the rest of time.

Maura broke the kiss, gasping for air. She turned her head to the side and pushed off of me. Her cheeks were flushed and she frowned. "I'm sorry, Jane. I don't know what I was thinking." She went to roll away when I grabbed her upper arms, stopping her.

"Don't be sorry. Oh dear god, don't be sorry for that." I moved my hands to the side of her face, forcing her to look at me. "It's cheesy, but I've been dreaming about kissing you for months." I ran a thumb under her bottom lip. "I know everything is scary and somewhat new. But I never want you to second guess yourself, I'll never judge." I leaned up, kissing the tip of her nose. "Your boldness is one of the million things I adore about you." My hormones were jumping off the chart. Maura had ignited a long dead fire inside of me, and it would be hard to control it right now. She was beautiful, the best kisser I've ever kissed, and god she really smelled incredible. I looked down, my shirt was a little too big and I was getting an incredible view of Maura's… assets. I swallowed hard and looked up into her eyes.

Maura smiled, closing her eyes. "Why are you so good to me, Jane? We're almost…"

"Almost strangers. Yeah, I've heard it before. But I'm not going to accept that as an excuse anymore." I cut Maura off. I scooted up against the headboard, shifting Maura into my embrace. "Let's start tonight. Tonight is the first page of the new Jane and Maura story. Agreed?"

Maura sighed, snuggling against my chest. "Agreed." She slipped an arm around my waist. "I do want to ask the old me why I waited so long to kiss you." She looked up, "I'm sorry if I was too bold. I just couldn't resist it. You were so vulnerable, open, and I can see you've never been like that with anyone."

I chuckled, "You. You were the only one. Then and now." I kissed the top of her head and looked at the clock. It was almost four in the morning. I sighed heavily. "I'm calling in sick." I reached over to my bedside table, grabbing my phone. I made a quick call to the midnight sergeant, claiming I had a stomach bug and that I'd be out for the day. After hanging up, I tossed the phone in the drawer and pulled the blankets over Maura and I. Maura already had her eyes closed. I smirked, "Falling asleep on me already?"

Maura cracked her eyes open, "I didn't think kissing you would exhaust me."

I shook my head, laughing. "I'll take that as a compliment." I bent down, kissing her softly before fluffing a pillow. "Sleep. In the morning I'll make breakfast and you can tell me a few of your own unknown secrets. I've always imagined you had a goth phase."

Maura grinned, settling into her own pillow. "Maybe." She yawned, "You'll just have to wait, Jane."

"I'd wait forever for you." I whispered it as Maura fell into a deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_N: Short one, but i'm super tired today and was not motivated to do much but nap and watch hulu. Work has been crazy and taking all of my time! So read on and enjoy!_

* * *

 _"Dr. Isles."_

 _I spun around, the man's voice startling me. I still had my phone pressed to my ear, a familiar voice telling me to leave a voicemail. "Yes?" The man was coming closer, a strange smile on his face. My subconscious began to memorize his facial features since I didn't recognize him. I caught the edge of another man running away into the night. It was Sam Ross. I focused back on the man moving towards me._

 _"You need to learn humility." He stepped closer, looking around the dark, empty parking lot._

 _Before I had a chance to reply, I heard the collapsible baton click open._

 _I dropped the phone to raise my hands in a defensive motion, yelling as the first strike landed on my forearm. The distinctive crack of bones breaking echoed in my ears, I fell to the ground screaming. The last thing I saw as I hit the hard concrete was my phone and the grinning face of Jane on the screen._

"Jane." I shot straight up in the bed, sweating and breathing erratically. I pressed my hand against my thundering heart. My entire body ached, and my head felt like it had split in two. I took in two breaths before I had to rush out of the bed and wobble towards the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before I threw up.

I tried to be quiet, I didn't want to wake Jane up. She desperately needed the sleep. I fell back against the tub after flushing the toilet and rinsing out my mouth. My whole body shook from the adrenaline leaving my system, and I couldn't stop the tears.

"Maura?" Jane's voice quickly followed her hands running over my hair, pulling my face up to look it over. Her hair was wild and messy, "Maura, are you okay?" She met my eyes as her hands continued to check for new injuries.

I sighed, "I had another nightmare and threw up. I'm sorry if I woke you." I swallowed hard as more tears escaped. I hated that I was so physically and emotionally weak right now. "Please go back to bed, I'll be fine in a minute."

Jane shook her head and reached down to gently collect me in her arms. "I left you once and it was the biggest mistake of my life." I saw the deep frown on her face when she lifted me up, "You're so small, Maura." She whispered the words as if she was talking to herself.

"I lost twenty-five pounds in my coma. My body is slow to take on weight since it's using the little food I eat to help heal my injuries. Storing fat is not its priority at the moment." I mumbled scientific facts to distract my mind from the nightmare. "It might take months for me to return to my old weight."

Jane chuckled as she set me down in the bed. I glanced up at the bandage on her cheek. "You should let me look at your wound." Another attempt to keep my mind away from the fear.

She swiped a chunk of hair back from her face as she shook her head, "Let me get you some ginger ale and toast. It'll settle your stomach." She wouldn't look at me as she left the bedroom.

I scooted to sit against the headboard, pulling the blankets up to my neck. I was still very cold, but I could attribute that to my lack of weight. There was always some sort of tension in the air between Jane and I. It would come and go as we spent time together, worse when we weren't talking. It was as if Jane was waiting for me to come to my old senses and rebuke her feelings. I closed my eyes, thinking back to her face on my phone as it fell to the concrete. My heart sped up and I had a deep feeling the old me and the current me were on the same page about Jane. I would just have to prove it to her.

"This should help. Warm ginger ale and I used that seventeen grain toast you rave about." Jane walked in carrying a small plate and a glass. "This the Angela special. Guaranteed to cure all ills of the stomach."

I slowly took the plate with a smile. "Thank you." I took a small bite of the toast, watching Jane move a stack of magazines off the bedside table before setting the glass down. Jane then stood, her arms folded and looking around her bedroom.

She huffed and began moving around, cleaning up small messes. "I should take you back home. My apartment is such a shit hole." She mumbled as she snatched up a pile of dirty shirts in the corner. "You need to be in safe clean place."

I felt a strange tingle in the back of my head, followed by a quick flicker of Jane doing stress cleaning in her kitchen. Upset that I had shown up unexpectedly. I wasn't sure if it was a memory, but I took a chance. "You always stress out that I won't think your home is up to my cleanly standards." Jane froze mid collecting old glasses left on the top of her dresser. "I love your apartment. Messy or clean, because it's yours. It's the home of Jane Rizzoli." I picked at the toast in front of me, my stomach twisting for a different reason.

Jane turned to face me, her eyes watery in the low light of the room. "Do you remember the first time you said that to me?"

I shook my head slowly, "It's a blurry memory. I'm not clear if it's real." I chewed on my lip before looking up at Jane who was now standing at the edge of the bed. "I called you that night. The night I was attacked, didn't I? In the dream I saw your face on my phone as it fell to the ground and shattered." My eyes were teary as I searched hers for answers. "I called you?"

Jane smiled shaking her head as she knelt down on the floor in front of me. "You did. Ten times to be exact. But I was being a jerk and swallowed up in my own stupidity." She grabbed my hand, "I didn't answer you. I let you leave voicemails and…" She paused, her jaw clenching as she ran her fingers over the top of my hand. "Do you remember anything more?"

I shrugged, "I saw Sam. He wasn't the one who attacked me. It was another man. He told me I needed to learn some humility." I paused, "I know what he looks like."

Jane shot up, rushing to her side of the bed for her cellphone. "I'll call Frost now. He can be here in ten minutes and we can do a sketch of the guy." She swiped at her hair, fingers going a mile a minute as she typed.

"Jane."

"If we get the sketch out by lunchtime, maybe we'll get a hit. I can have Korsak get it to that asshole Ross and maybe he'll flip on his buddy." Jane was in full detective mode even at five in the morning.

I smiled at her determination, but the last thing I wanted was to be thrust back into my current reality. I was a victim of a crime. A healing victim who was still very lost as to what I was supposed to do next. I'd been poked and prodded over the last weeks since I woke up, I'd barely had time to just stop and be thankful I was alive. Alive and awake. Awake and very much in love with the woman with wild hair pacing and talking to a very sleepy Barry Frost. I squinted at her pacing, another flicker hitting my brain as I looked past her open bedroom door and saw the hanging punching bag shaped like a man. The memory hit hard and fast. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent from crying. No, it wasn't a real memory. It couldn't be. I slowly stood up on weak legs and shuffled towards Jane still pacing and talking a million miles a minute.

She stopped with her back to me, running a hand through her hair as she argued with Barry. I moved closer, my hands shaking as I stopped right behind her. There was nothing more than a breath between us. I could feel her body heat pouring out and wrapping itself around me but did very little to chase out the shivers that were now invading my body. I raised my hand, praying to the heavens my memory was nothing more than a convoluted idea born out of my trauma.

I set my hand on Jane's hip, sliding it up and under her shirt. She flinched but didn't turn around as my hand moved quickly across soft skin and strong muscles. Then I felt the thick ridges and the pucker of scar tissue. I pressed my palm against the scar and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I pressed my face into Jane's back, sobbing as my words came out strangled. "You…you shot yourself to save me?" I kept repeating the words, burying my face deeper into back. I couldn't remember anything else about Jane in that moment. Just the flicker of a memory that hurt straight to my core and back up to my heart.

Jane mumbled she would call Barry back and threw her phone on the dresser. She covered my hand with hers and turned slowly around, wrapping me up in her arms as I continued to sob. My hand wouldn't leave the scar, it was the only old connection I had to Jane and I was afraid to let go. She kissed the top of my head and spoke in a low, gravelly voice. "I did. I did shoot myself to save you and others." She sighed, pulling me tighter in her arms. "Not my best moment, that's for sure." Her voice trembled as she spoke.

I cried until I fell asleep in her arms. I barely registered being placed back in bed and tucked in with Jane holding me. I didn't dream the rest of the night, too exhausted and too protected by her hold to allow any more nightmares in.

* * *

XXXX

 **Jane**

Secretly I was thankful I'd called in sick for the day. I was exhausted and on edge. The night had started out so lovely then turned into an emotional mess. Maura remembered what her attacker looked like, she remembered when I shot myself the bits and pieces of that moment as the bullet went through me. She barely remembered the siege, but not all of the details and she told me my face was a blurry image until I fell to the ground bleeding out. Maura didn't remember anything else before or after that day, I'd gently probed over breakfast, but when I looked into her eyes, I saw nothing. Her damn brain was picking and choosing when to remember me, and it was only snippets of our horrible moments where my face was blurred.

I rubbed my face, at least it was sign her brain was healing. I'd called Dr. Beauchamp while Maura was in the shower. The doctor saw it as a good sign, but she couldn't put a time frame on when all of Maura's memories would snap back, and if they would snap back fully. I rolled my eyes, of course Maura's brain would only latch onto the stupid shit I did. But then again, I was notorious for doing stupid shit around Maura.

I was sitting at the small island in my kitchen, picking at the eggs I'd made and then ignored as I opted to make sure Maura ate. She's was way too skinny, and I needed to start working on getting her healthy before I selfishly worked on her brain getting it's memories about me back.

Maura was finishing getting ready in bedroom. I was going to take her back to her house and we were going to spend the day together. Doing nothing other than whatever she wanted. She'd talked me into putting off meeting with Frost for another day. She assured me she wouldn't forget the man's face or voice. The detective in me wanted to run in and save the day, get the bad guy and beat him like he beat Maura. I yawned, pushing the plate of food away. At least Frost was going to keep in the loop as he continued to search through all of Maura's old case files. Ross had told Frost and Korsak that he was hired by someone who had been prosecuted due to Maura's testimony. Ross didn't have a real name, just a face and a burner phone number.

"Jane?"

I turned to Maura walking out of my bedroom, she was using the walls to steady herself. I hopped off the stool and ran to the door where I stupidly left her cane last night. "Hang on, let me help you." I hated that she had to use a cane, but it wasn't forever. I would make sure of it. I walked over to Maura now standing at the island and smirked. "Are you wearing my clothes again?" Maura was wearing one of my BPD homicide softball shirts and a baggy pair of my sweats. I chuckled when I saw the bottom cuffs rolled up around her ankles.

Maura blushed a deep red, "I'd gotten sick on the pants and some on the shirt." She looked up sheepishly, "I changed your bed sheets. I wasn't thinking when you put me back in bed that I would be contaminating everything."

I leaned around Maura, taking in the sight of a pristinely made bed and the rest of my room spotless. "Maura. You shouldn't have. You're still healing, you didn't need to clean my entire room." I felt guilty, looking back at the woman. She was clearly tired, and I wanted nothing more than to scoop her in my arms and carry her back to that bed. "By the way, my clothes look amazing on you. Far better than your fancy dresses and shoes." I winked at her.

Maura shook her head, slowly taking a seat. "I need to start moving more. I must get my body adjusted to being active." She reached over, taking a slice of my bacon.

I cocked an eyebrow, "You're eating bacon. You never eat bacon." I moved to stand next to her. "You prefer turkey bacon or that weird tofu bacon that tastes like wet cardboard."

Maura smiled, "I'm hungry and this bacon tastes amazing after all the pureed vegetables and protein powder Angela has been feeding me in between small portions of her incredible cooking."

I bent over, kissing her on the cheek. My heart racing at the thought of kissing Maura on the lips again. "We can stop for something on the way back to your house. There's that fancy pastry place you love. Maybe we can do a mini brunch." I rambled, scared to ask if she remembered kissing me.

Maura slid her hand to the side of my cheek, halting my movement. "Wait."

I raised my eyebrow, waiting for her to rant about how pastries were not a proper nutritious meal. Instead she leaned forward and kissed me softly. I kissed her back, trying so hard not to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless. Maura parted, licking her lips. "Don't be afraid to kiss me. You keep looking at my lips every thirty seconds. If you want to kiss me, Jane, you can."

I blushed, running my thumb over her bottom lip. "I'm going to hold you to it, Maura." I kissed her once more before stepping away. "So, what did you want to do today?" I went to grab the dirty dishes to throw in the dishwasher.

Maura picked up another piece of bacon before I took the plate away. "I want you to tell me everything about us. How we met, how our friendship grew and everything in between. The good times and the bad. I have a theory that if I hear about our past, maybe my brain will spark back to life and you'll come back to me." She whispered the last bit out.

I paused next to the sink. "Are you sure?" I began flipping through our story. She already knew I shot myself, but I had yet to fill in the blanks for her on that one. Then there was me shooting her dad, and almost destroying our friendship forever. The kidnappings, the jumping off bridges, the stupid boyfriends we both had to hide our feelings for one another. I sighed, there was so much of our lives that I was somewhat grateful Maura had forgotten.

"I'm very sure, Jane." Maura looked at me with sincere eyes. "It might be the only way." She smiled before sliding off the stool and grabbing her cane. "I want to know the person I'm falling in love with. Even though I'm pretty certain I've loved you for a very long time, Jane Rizzoli."

I couldn't help but grin and blush. "I've probably loved you longer, Maura Isles." I dumped the dishes in the sink and walked over to her, only hesitating a split second before I bent down and kissed her. Maura moaned softly against my lips, sending sparks through my body. This woman had an effect on me that no one else in the world ever had. "Let's get you home. We can get Ma to make you a big fat Italian dinner tonight."

Maura nodded, hugging me tightly before she walked to the door, collecting the small bag I'd packed earlier.

As I ran to grab my car keys and phone, I saw I had a text from Frost.

Jane. We got a possible lead on Maura's attacker. I'll be sending it all in an email. Bad news is he found out Maura is alive and sent out word that he's eager to finish the job. My CI told me the guy goes by the name Hawk and is one sick dude out of San Diego. Korsak and I are meeting with Cavanaugh in the next hour to talk about setting up protection for Maura. Stay with her, Jane. I'll let you know when we have more to go off of.

My heart dropped into my stomach. I turned back to my bedroom and ran to grab the extra sidearm I kept in my bedside table, tucking it into the waist band of my jeans. For a split second I debated putting Maura in the car and driving to the airport. Put her on an airplane to France and have her hide out in her parent's estate until I found this Hawk and ripped him to shreds. But I also knew everytime I tired to protect Maura, one of us lost something important.

And I couldn't bear if that happened again.


	8. Chapter 8

**N: This chapter went where it wanted to. I had to do something to separate them, to give Maura the chance to think on her own without the doubt it's her PTSD pushing her feelings for Jane. And jane is jane. She's doing what she thinks is right no matter how much it hurts. Next chapter will be Maura getting into her journals and slowly getting her memories back. Writing these two is harder than i thought, they both get so stoic and tough at times when they want to protect one another.**

 **This chapter has been edited a bit, writing on your phone sometimes doesn't work out too well.**

 **Also, i have a bunch of books over on Amazon under Sydney Gibson. You should head on over and get your next summer read!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Jane**

I'd just gotten Maura settled in the passenger seat when my cellphone went nuts in my back pocket. I groaned, answering it. "Frankie, tell ma to relax. I'm bringing Maura home." I closed the passenger door and leaned against it.

"Don't bring her home, Janie." The serious tone in his voice had my adrenaline rolling fast.

"What happened?" I scanned the parking lot, all of my senses screaming into high alert.

Frankie sighed. I could hear the rumble and shuffle of police officers at a scene, a hint of Frost yelling in the background. "It's a mess, Janie. Frost thinks your guy broke in last night looking for the doc and took his rage out on her house. Shit's a mess. He broke anything he could get his hands on. He tore up photographs, and spray painted his jacked-up thoughts on the wall in her bedroom. It's personal with him. Maura's not safe."

"Send me pics as soon as you can. Then tell Frost to get CSRU all over it, not one inch is to go uninvestigated. Is ma safe?" I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends out of nervous habit.

"Ma is still at work, Korsak is with her. She's currently giving him dating advice and oblivious to what happened." Frankie huffed, he was shaken and that wasn't a good sign. I'd never admit it, but Frankie was tougher than me. "Jane, this is the worst I've ever seen. Even Hoyt would be shaken up by this guy."

"I have to get Maura somewhere else. She's not safe with any of us. If he knew where she lived, he knows where we all live." I swallowed hard, looking down at Maura smiling softly at me. My gut shouted I had to do something we both wouldn't like, but then again, my guts priority was always the safety of those I loved dearly. I paced, trying to think of places to take her. BPD has safe houses, but I was debating how safe they were with this hawk jerk prowling around.

I _could_ call Agent Davies and call in a massive favor. Then I'd have to endure polite dinner invitations for the next six months and turning down the poor bastard.

"Janie? Frost said we've got a God set of fingerprints he can run through AFIS and NCIC." Frankie paused, "I don't like this. All the stuff I've seen, and this… it's Maura's house. It's too close. What we're going to do?"

I let out a slow breath. "I guess I have to call the FBI. Let me get Maura to safety and I'll meet you back at the station. Also, don't you dare tell ma. Just tell her Maura needed to fumigate or has renovators coming in to fix whatever. Then take ma over to Carla Talucci's. No one would dare step on that woman's porch and expect to leave with both feet for messing with family."

Frankie agreed and the second I hung up with him, my phone was ringing again. I answered it quickly, "Rizzoli."

"Ah hello Jane, it's Constance Isles. I was wondering if you were with my daughter. I tried her cell many times and haven't heard from her." The soft English accent poured confidence.

I sighed, "She's with me." I glanced at Maura now staring at me with a frown. "If you're on your way to Boston, I suggest you wait a few more days. There's been a bit of a situation here."

"I'm actually in London. My flight to Boston was cancelled, I wanted to tell Maura I'd be on the next flight out after the weather cleared." Constance paused, "What is the situation, Jane? You have your stern detective tone."

London.

London could be just far enough away from Boston to keep Maura safe.

I swallowed down a thick lump, I would have to play this in a way Maura wouldn't resist. I would have to play this fast and hard. I would have to do something I really didn't want to. I looked at Maura and her hazel eyes that hovered around a muddy green today. I would do anything for those eyes and the woman who carried them, even if it meant putting more cracks in both of our hearts. I took in a deep breath and turned away from Maura. "Constance, Maura mentioned your family has a private jet on standby at Logan."

"Of course we do. It's the foundations and we leave it there to make it easier for Maura to come visit us whenever she'd like." Constance spoke firmly.

I dug in my pocket for the car keys, "Can you please call ahead and get your pilot ready. I'll have Maura there in twenty minutes. I'm sending her straight to London to you, Constance. I need you to take care of her until I can fix all of this and take over."

"Jane, what's happening?" Constance paused, "Did you find the man who hurt my daughter?"

"He found her. Now I'm going to find him, but I have to get Maura out of here." I rushed around the back of the car, struggling to push all of my emotions down and throw on the cold mask I normally wore on the job. What I was about to do, I couldn't waver and let my love for Maura make me weak.

I hung up on Constance after she politely agreed and went to set up the flight. I slid into the driver's seat, refusing to look at Maura as I started the car.

"Jane? Something's wrong, isn't it?" Her voice was soft, shaky.

I nodded, clenching my jaw as I pulled away from the curb. "I'm going to take care of it." I kept my eyes forward, rushing through the streets of Boston. My phone kept ringing, both Frankie and Frost calling incessantly. I growled, shoving the phone into the center console. Them calling every two seconds was doing very little in keeping me together.

Maura went to grab my hand, but I pulled it away. I saw the hurt flash over her eyes as she turned to look out her window, "Jane. This isn't the way to my home."

"I'm taking you to the airport." I took the off ramp to Logan, my palms sweating and heart thundering. The last thing I wanted to do was push Maura away when I just got her back, but I had to. This Hawk asshole was too close, and too shady for my liking.

"Why are you taking me to the airport?"

I didn't answer as I pulled into the private terminal Constance directed me to. The Lear jet sat like a big white beacon. I pulled up next to the rear of the plane and parked the car as the pilot began waving at us with a warm smile.

I blew out a slow breath, turning in my seat to face Maura. "You're getting on that plane. It will take you to London where your mother will meet you and she'll take over your care for the indefinite future." I cringed internally at how cold my tone was and the pain it was generating on her face. Even though I was still a stranger to Maura, my tones and shift in emotions had a profound effect on her. And I hated it. I hated that I was doing this to her.

Maura shook her head, "But I don't have a suitcase, and I want to go home. With you." She reached over, grabbing my forearm. "You're the only family I need to heal, Jane. You and the other Rizzoli's." She smiled softly, "Plus, I still have to take you on our first date." She tilted her head down, catching my eyes and the intense look I knew was locked in them. "Is it my case? Have you found my attacker? Jane, you're worrying me."

I shook my head, pulling free from her touch. "You need your real family, Maura. You don't know me, and I think playing along with the memory game like we have been is just building more lies for you to feel better about." I looked away from the tears filling her eyes. "I'm just teasing your brain into thinking I'm a good part of your life. You need to heal. You don't need me around to worry about and all the bullshit I bring into your life. I'm not good for you right now." I shoved the door open, hopping out into the cool afternoon air and gulping it down to sting away the tears and pain in my heart. I walked to her side, yanking the passenger door open and stepped back as the pilot came over to greet Maura and help her out.

Maura was so small and fragile looking as she held onto the pilot. I wanted to scoop her up and carry her onto that jet and go with her. I wanted to leave everything behind and just focus on her like I should've so many years ago.

Maura glared at me, tears sliding down her face. "Jane, why are you doing this?" She took a small step forward, leaning on her cane. "We love each other, right? Isn't that what you told me? Everything you told me last night...I don't want to leave you when we just met." Her voice wavered, and it almost shattered my soul.

I shrugged, her last few words biting deep and giving me more fuel to keep up this act. I needed Maura to hate me so she would leave. "I don't know what I was doing when I told you all of that. Maybe it was my stupid idea to get your brain to remember you don't love me, and we're just friends." I looked up at the blue sky. Thank god I could lie like a champ. "We're just friends, Maura. Coworkers who care a bit for each other. Call it a moment of weakness, or joy that you were finally awake." I sucked in a slow breath. Breaking Maura's heart was the only way to get her to get away from me willingly. I'd done if before with Paddy Doyle. I broke her heart and a canyon sized distance formed between us. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you while you're still healing."

I nodded at the pilot, "You should get going. Your mother arranged for there to be an in-flight nurse to help you. You're in good hands." I began absently rubbing at the scars on my palms. I prayed Maura could eventually forgive me when this was all said and done. I pushed on a scar till it pushed back, making me wince. When I looked at her my heart begged for me to tell her I loved her and all this was because I loved her so much. But negotiating with Maura was impossible and would take too long, I had to break her heart and rely on the old Maura to show her head. The old Maura who would fight back as vicious as I gave it and walk away from me, never showing the amount of hurt I just drowned her in.

Maura tipped her head down, her shoulders shaking ever so slightly with quiet sobs. "Yes, I should." She walked slowly with the pilot. "Perhaps it will be better to be with my _real family_ for a bit." Maura spoke in the same cold, distant tone she did in the days after I shot her biological father.

I pushed on my sunglasses, hiding my tears. I'd successfully done it. I'd shoved Maura away and hurt her enough that she wouldn't fight me. She looked at me, her eyes full of heartbreak, "Thank you, Jane. For being a lovely friend. Tell Angela I will talk to her when I land."

I nodded silently, walking away before she was even on the jet. I barely made it into the driver's seat before the sobs broke free. I cried as I squealed the tires and drove away from Maura. I wiped my cheeks and quickly called Frost. "Frost. I'm headed to Maura's house. Please tell me you got something on this jerk."

"Where's Maura?" Frost asked immediately, picking up the mild distress in my voice.

"Safe. I had to do something stupid to get her to leave, and I'm not telling anyone where she is, so don't ask." I let out a shaky sigh. "Tell me something."

Frost hesitated. "We have a lead. Hawk is actually Cooper Holton. A small-time drug manufacturer from the west coast. It looks like Maura testified against him in California long before she became the medical examiner here. It was her testimony that proved the drugs running through the lower half of California and killing people, was his. She was able to break down the chemistry and connect shavings from a copper pot to one Holton had in his house."

Frost let out a breath, "When he was found guilty, he had an outburst and threatened to kill everyone from judge to jury for his conviction. So far his lawyer, the prosecuting team, and one juror have been found dead over the last seven months. He's following through on his threats and traveling across the country to finish it. You'll see when you get here, Jane."

I pushed the accelerator down, the engine of the cruiser roaring to life. "How am I connected? I had nothing to do with Maura until she landed at BPD."

"Holton is vindictive. He worked with the Mexican cartel and learned a few things from them. Including you don't stop at the target, you take out all of the things the target loves." I could hear Frankie calling for Frost in the background. "I have to go, Jane. I'll see you when you get here."

I hung up, throwing the phone onto the passenger seat as I took the final exit to Maura's house. I cracked the window open to flush out the scent of Maura. I had to shake her loose, so I could focus on catching Holton and making him pay for the pain he inflicted on her. And the pain I inflicted on her because of his need for revenge.

* * *

 **Maura**

"Dr. Isles? We're landing now." The nurse gently woke me up.

I rubbed my eyes, sitting forward. I'd taken a mild pain killer to sleep through the flight to London. It also helped keep my mind off the immense amount of pain settling in my heart. Pain caused by Jane Rizzoli and her sudden shift in behavior. I had an idea Jane could be cold and cutting, I'd witnessed it before when she was frustrated with the doctors treating me. I'd smiled at her tenacity then, but being on the receiving end of it, it struck deep into the middle of my heart. I had to fight not to cry and yell at the woman, knowing it was pointless. The thick walls of Jane Rizzoli had risen quickly, and it wasn't worth fighting. Jane had been right, I was still healing and vulnerable. Perhaps my feelings for her were misguided no matter how much it hurt.

I smiled my thanks to the nurse and sat up. My entire body ached from sitting for the flight, and as I shifted, strong pains radiated from my temples down to my toes. I knew my body wasn't prepared to fly, and it was risky for me to do so. But I also wasn't going to argue with Jane and endure more of her cold, biting behavior. It was her behavior on the tarmac that had me disbelieving in the stories of how our friendship was unbreakable. Friends didn't treat friends like this

Jane cast me out like I was a perp she didn't have enough evidence on. If Jane didn't want me there and her feelings had changed, then perhaps it was best for me to leave.

The nurse helped me down the jet stairs and to my mother waiting for me at the bottom. Her eyes betrayed her professional façade. They welled up as they took in my damaged physical appearance. I swallowed hard, suddenly wishing Jane… no. I wouldn't think of Jane anymore.

Mother immediately enveloped me in a solid embrace, "My dear girl, how incredible it is to see you." She rasped the words out, squeezing me. The hug caught me off guard and made me frown. On one hand, my mother was showing care, but her hugs painfully lacked the gusto of Angela's. Or any of the Rizzoli's for that fact.

"Hello mother" I softly pulled free from her arms, trying to smile. I stepped back, putting my full weight on the cane. "I apologize for the last-minute arrangements."

Mother waved me off, "Don't worry, Jane communicated everything you needed." She took my elbow, guiding me to the car. "How are you? Jane had your doctor call and fill me in on everything."

I frowned, Jane didn't care. Why was she so involved with my mother? "If you're asking about my memory issues, they're still the same. I'm starting to remember more and more each day. But I still have massive gaps of blank memories." I learned into her side, "I'm slowly healing. Very slowly healing." I sucked in a breath of cool rainy English air. "Thank you for taking me in. It's nice to have family at this time."

Mother chuckled as she helped me into the car, "You're Boston family has put me to shame. The Rizzoli clan had long ago made you one of theirs. Angela has already called ten times to make sure I let her know when you arrived. It seems she's incredibly upset with Jane?"

I sighed, leaning into the soft leather seat. "I don't need to worry about Jane anymore. My brain forgot her and I think it was a sign." I closed my eyes as my heart skipped. It's way of telling me that I was lying to myself.

Mother chuckled, grabbing my hand. "Darling. You know better than that. Jane Rizzoli lives and breathes for three things. Her family, her job, and you, Maura." She turned to look at me, noting my emotionless face. Her smile faded, "You do know Jane is in love with you and has been for many years?"

"Then why did she shove me away?" I faced my mother, feeling the last threads of my heartbreak and restraint letting go. "Why did she kiss me, tell me she loves me and turn around not even an hour later, hurling painful comments. Breaking my heart in a way I've never experienced? How many of you told me over and over, she was my best friend in the world? And then she does this." I placed a palm over my chest, the pain burning against my ribs. "Jane Rizzoli is a selfish woman who cares for no one but herself!" Tears slid down my cheeks faster than I could stop them. "I hope I never see her again!"

Mother leaned over, pulling me into her side as she wiped my cheeks. "Oh my. You're beyond smitten." She sighed, kissing the top of my head. "Shall I tell you why Jane trampled all over your heart, shoved you on a plane and sent you to me?"

I said nothing, just pressing harder against my chest. I was fighting off breaking down into complete sobs. I was almost forty years old and here I was, struggling to deal with my emotions like I was back in my freshman year of college. All over the place and acting like a brat.

"You're in immense danger. Jane and your friends at the police department have found the man who attacked you. She wouldn't give me exact details, other than there was an urgency to get you away from Boston." She pulled me deeper in to her arms. "I know you're hurt, angry, heartbroken. Knowing the strong bond you have, Jane hurt you on purpose. She's done it before to get you to listen to her."

I shook my head sniffling, "It doesn't make sense." I pulled the sweater the nurse gave me closer, desperately trying to cover up the Red Sox logo on Jane's shirt.

My mother sighed. "It was Jane who called to tell me you were attacked. She could barely hold herself together as she described your condition and the doctor's prognosis. She never left your side for the first two weeks until you stabilized, and then sacrificed her own well-being to make sure someone was with you every night. She had a fear you'd wake up alone, and that was the last thing she ever wanted for you. She also promised to me that when the day came, and she could face your attacker, she would stop at nothing to bring him to justice."

I frowned, leaning away from my mother. "Her actions still don't make sense. When you love someone, you stay by their side. Through thick and thin, memories or no memories." I wiped at my face, the tears still flowing. "Jane isn't giving me a chance. She isn't giving us a chance."

"No. But she's trying to save your life in the only way she knows how." My mother grabbed my chin, turning me to look at her. "With everything she has. Detective Jane Rizzoli is an enigma to me, but I know she loves you and you love her. Your forgotten memories of her stand not one sliver of a chance against the love you both share. That woman has a reason for everything she does whether it makes any sense to any of us."

I closed my eyes, crying again. I tipped my head down when a sudden flash of a memory flickered behind my eyelids.

 _Jane shoved me away from the man with a gun. Allowing him to take her hostage, the gun pressed against her temple. I went to reach for her, she shook her head. "No Maura. I got this. I'll be fine." She smiled for my benefit as she was yanked away from me. "I won't let him hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."_

 _I squeezed my eyes closed, the memory sharpening in my mind. I was running down the steps, turning in time to watch Jane fire the gun and shoot herself through the stomach. Then there was blood, so much blood and me racing to her side._

 _She smirked at me, her eyes dimming with every second. "See, I kept my promise." She pressed a cold hand against my cheek. Her voice slurring as she spoke, "You're the only thing that keeps me alive, Maura. And I'll do anything it takes to keep you safe."_

My eyes flicked open, my breathing was ragged. This was the second time this particular memory surfaced. I blushed as the last piece of the memory faded away. It was me telling Jane not to die when I just realized the moment she shot herself I was completely in love with her.

An odd idea popped into my head as I wiped away endless tears. I'd kept extensive journals over the last few years. My way of emotionally dissecting my thoughts in a time when I was still learning how to properly socially express myself.

I had one of Jane's gut instincts I'd written about that day.

"Mother, when we get to the flat. I need your computer. I need to access my laptop from home." Perhaps my journals would have more clues to help untangle this mess Jane and I were in.

* * *

Xxxxx

 **Jane**

"Everyone leave. Now." The words hissed out between my clenched teeth.

I started in the middle of Maura's living room, looking at the destruction Holton left. There were holes in the walls, food thrown across the kitchen into the living room, and glasses smashed everywhere. I moved to her bedroom where he had gone through her closet. Maura's cherished wardrobe was nothing but rags. Her shoes, jewelry and linens thrown around and ripped into shreds. It looked like a tornado had come through her room.

That wasn't what lit my rage, it was the pictures of us taped to the walls and the phrase, _"Death to the queen of the dead and her loyal subjects."_ spray painted in black every other wall.

I was staring at one sentence under the spray paint on her bedroom wall. _"You won't save her, Rizzoli."_ My hands quivered as I curled them into fists. My rage was about to blow, and the sounds of CSRU picking through Maura's things, had it teetering on a full explosion.

I turned, glaring at one young tech still picking through Maura's dressers. "I said out. Now!"

The kid flinched and ran out of the room. I moved slowly, picking up the broken frame with a picture of Maura and I at last year's Christmas. She was kissing my cheek and I was blushing like a silly teenager. I shook the broken glass off, running a finger along her face. I missed her so much. Maura was truly the angel who fought off all of my demons, giving me a chance to be the real me around her. I just hoped she didn't hate me forever when this was all done.

"Jane?" Frost walked into the room. "CSRU finished up. Frankie chased the looky loos away. I also pulled Holton's prison file. It at least gives a profile to build off of. I have Chang sorting through all of the doc's testimonies to find his case."

"Good." I pulled the picture free from the broken glass and tucked in my back pocket. I blew out a controlled breath, I had to settle down. Running on high emotions never got me anywhere but in trouble on cases. "Talk to me, Frost."

Frost moved to stand next to me. "I sent the trace evidence we collected to my contact at the FBI. They're going to process everything asap for us and create a criminal profile of Holton. Then they're going to send out a BOLO based off that profile and set up a reward for information in the CI network. Hope is someone squeals on Holton."

I nodded, clenching my jaw as I went about cleaning up the mess. I wanted to cry at the sight of Maura's things broken. It reminded me that she was still broken, and I just added to it by shutting her out. "Tell them to find Holton quickly. I need to end this and get her back." I choked on the last part.

Frost bent down with me, picking up pieces of torn clothing. "Did you two have a fight?"

I chuckled, grabbing a shredded travel book on South America. A trip Maura was planning and trying to talk me into going with her. "I picked a fight."

Frost sighed, "Why?"

I threw my hands up, waving them around at the scene before us. "Really Frost? Why do you think? Maybe because right after I get her back from the coma, this shithead steam rolls in. Showing me that he'll stop at nothing to kill her." I was yelling, "The only way to get Maura to listen to me was to pick a fight and make her mad enough to leave. You and I both know she never listens."

Frost grabbed my elbow. "Can I say something, and you won't bite my head off?"

I shrugged, tossing the shredded book into a trash can. "Whatever."

"Don't sacrifice yourself, Jane. You have all of us and we love Maura just as much as you do. Granted she is the love of your life, but you get my meaning. You don't have to do this alone." Frost turned me to face him and chuckled at the shocked look on my face. "Jane, we've all known about you two long before you did. We've just been afraid to say anything until she woke up." He moved closer, "Just because she can't remember you doesn't mean she can stand to lose you. Let us help."

I winced, fighting tears and looked up at my partner. "She asked me on a date. Two nights ago, Maura asked me on date." I shrugged, rubbing at my palms. "I sent her to London to be with her mother. Constance has the money and means to take care of Maura while I deal with this. But I don't know if this new Maura can forgive me for breaking her heart." I cocked an eyebrow, "Don't say a god damned thing to anyone. I don't want a rookie's loose lips to slip it out and have it land in the wrong pair of ears. I don't know how far this Holton is willing to go."

Frost grabbed both of my arms, "Jane. You did good sending her away. I'm not going to ask how you did it, but I'm here for you. I want to see you go out on that long overdue date with Dr. Isles."

I smiled softly, nodding in agreement when Frankie popped his head into the room. "Hey Janie, I got Tommy downstairs with Ma. We're all going to help clean up and fix Maura's house now that CSRU is done."

I waved him off, "Its fine, I got it." I looked around the room and the massive mess it, and the rest of the house, was.

Frankie rolled his eyes, walked in and grabbed me into his arms. "Ma told me what you did. The entire family is behind you, Jane. We know how hard the last few months have been, and we're going to be there for you and Maura. Just don't take too long to make her my official sister in law."

Frost patted my shoulder, "We'll get him. Then you'll go get your girl back."

I whispered my thanks, wiping tears away. "Thank you."

Frankie winked at me, "Family sticks with family. Rizzoli's and Isles." He punched me in the shoulder, "Don't forget that."

I nodded, watching Frost follow Frankie downstairs. I heard ma's and Tommy bickering about where to start. I bent down, picking up Maura's reading glasses and cradling them in my palm. I smiled, thinking about all the times I woke up next to her wearing these glasses and reading the paper. I'd spent the night after interviewing a suspect for hours. Maura was close and welcomed me in like she always did and said nothing as I trudged upstairs and collapsed on my side of the bed. I fell asleep to her talking to me about that trip to South America. I woke up with her pressed against me, reading with those glasses perched on her nose. In that instant, I decided I never want to wake up another morning and not have her next to me. That was two weeks before she was attacked, and the tension between us had built tenfold. Then I lost her to the coma and never got to tell her what I felt, what I wanted until she woke up with a mind full of everything but me.

I sighed to myself, gently setting her glasses next to her bedside lamp. "I promise, Maura, when this is all over, I'm never going to push you away. Good or bad, I'm going to keep you by my side for the rest of our lives. I will always love you." I tapped the glasses once and walked to the closet. I focused my thoughts on color coordinating the clothing Holton left untouched.

I would chase my next set of demons after cleaning up her house. It was the least I could do.


	9. Chapter 9

N: Enjoy this one! I've been busy and writing in the summer is difficult when it gets hot. But i managed to get this out, it's short but it's there.

* * *

 _Detective Rizzoli is brash with her humor, but she feels bad if I take a joke wrong. She treats me like a person, not the medical examiner. The queen of the dead like the others do._

 _I heard she's moving to the homicide unit. I hope so, it would be nice to have a friendly detective to work with._

I thumbed to another page of my journal, finding an entry near the end.

 _Being angry at Jane hurts more than the anger I feel towards her actions. I've been examining all of the reasons why I feel betrayed by her, and the moment I feel solidified in my feelings, Jane comes around the corner carrying my favorite coffee. Smiling sheepishly with a silent apology that I brush off along with her presence. Paddy Doyle might be my father, but Jane is my family. I wish I understood emotions better than I do. Maybe I'd be able to talk to Jane without us yelling at each other._

 _All I know is my entire body hurts when Jane isn't near. I miss my best friend. I need to learn how to forgive her before it moves beyond the point of saving._

I frowned at the memory of Paddy Doyle. It was only fragments of that day he was shot, Jane nowhere to be found in any of them. I sighed, setting the leather-bound journal down on the table next to me. I glanced out the window, the London rain was in force making me shiver. It was evident Jane and I had a very complex relationship. Most of my journal entries ranged from happy moments with Jane to confusing ones resulting from her pushing me away. I had two more journals to read, but I wasn't sure if it was worth it.

"Maura? Would you like some tea?"

I smiled at my mother, "I'm fine, thank you." I stood up from the chair, walking slowly away from the window, "But I would like something to eat. It's been a long couple of days."

My mother took my elbow, steadying me before she slid her arm into mine. "Have you found anything in your journals?"

I shook my head, sighing heavily. "Only that Jane and I are complicated. I still can't place her in my memories." I leaned deeper into my mother's side. "Maybe it is for the best I left."

"Maura, pity looks horrible on you." She grinned, sitting me down at the small kitchen island. "Stop looking for excuses for a faulty mind."

I huffed, leaning forward on the island. "Mother."

She held up a finger, "Don't mother me." She moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a few things to make pasta. "You told me last night the only memory you have of Jane is the day she shot herself, correct?"

"Yes. But it's very blurry and I'm not sure if I was there, or if Jane is placating me to push my brain into placing her there." I began picking at the edge of my sweater. "I tried getting into the case file, but my passwords have been reset and I don't remember how to fix that." I blushed at how silly I felt. I had literally forgotten all of my passwords. Work ones to my shopping accounts, and I was too frustrated with my current events that I didn't have the patience to reset all of them.

"I wasn't there that day. I arrived a day later by the behest of Angela." My mother smiled, unwrapping a large container full of gnocchi. "I've always know your job was different, possibly dangerous. But you had a certain strength and impenetrable air about you. I stopped worrying after I met Jane and saw how incredibly protective she was of you. I knew then Jane had strong feelings for you, and yet at the same time I wasn't sure if you saw it or realized your own feelings."

I shook my head, "Why does everyone say that about us? Claiming they could see from a mile away we were soul mates too stubborn to see it." I closed my eyes, rubbing at the side of my temple that still ached.

My mother ignored me, "I walked into the hospital, fearing the worse and as I came around the corner to Jane's room. I saw you sitting next to her bed, wearing a blood-spattered dress, and reading off that days Red Sox scores." She lifted her head, pausing as she filled a bowl. "I'm your mother and I've only seen you cry perhaps three times in your entire life. The day we buried your first pet, the day you were accepted into Harvard medical, and when your grandmother passed away." She picked up the bowl and moved to sit next to me, "You cried harder than any of those other moments as you sat next to Jane. Begging to whomever would listen to give her back to you. To give you a few more minutes with her. That was when I knew your heart had been lost to Jane Rizzoli."

I kept my eyes closed, my mothers voice reaching my mind and sparking it to life.

 _An image of Jane laying in the hospital blurred, then sharpened. I was whispering to her, telling her that she was my best friend and that I loved her. I lifted her hand to my lips, pressing against the cold skin and promising that if ever the day could come, I would never leave her. The memory became stronger, chasing away some of the fog that laid heavy over my mind for the last few days. I squeezed my eyes closed, focusing on Jane in the memory. Her eyes flickered open and looked right at me, she smiled and tightened her cold hand in mine. She mumbled, "I saved you, Maur." Jane then promptly passed out._

I opened my eyes staring right at my mother as I pressed a hand over my heart. The faint ache returning whenever I thought about the day Jane shot herself. "I think my brain is trying to tell me that Jane will literally do anything to keep me safe and that's what I need to focus on. That's why this particular memory keeps popping up with the strong feelings it brings with it. I have to trust her completely like I did that day."

"Yes. Trust Jane, she's never let you down." My mother grinned, pushing the bowl of pasta in front of me. "Eat and then we'll talk more. I believe the more we talk about Jane the more your memories will return."

I smiled, "I hope so. I miss her very much is so many ways."

My mother cocked an eyebrow, "Even though this has been a horrible series of events for you, you should feel lucky. You get to fall in love all over again and this time, you don't have to hide behind the walls carved in the name of saving a friendship." She patted my arm and stood to grab her bowl of food. "This is Angela's recipe, I hope I've done it justice."

I took a small bite, sighing at the taste. It was delicious but made me miss Jane and the Rizzoli's more. I silently crossed my fingers that Jane was slapping handcuffs on the maniac and she'd be flying to London to collect me.

XXXX

 **Jane**

I flopped down on the edge of Maura's bed, rubbing my wild mane of wet hair with one of her expensive towels. It had taken all day and all night, but we managed to get her house almost back to normal. The walls had been repainted, broken things were thrown out and replaced as best as possible, and the entire house had been deep cleaned. Ma and Tommy would be going out later in the afternoon to buy replacement picture frames and a giant new TV for her living room. I had the half-brained idea to go and repurchase all of her fancy outfits, but as I read labels on torn rags, I couldn't pronounce some of the designers. So, I decided it was best to neatly arranged the clothing that remained and plan a massive shopping trip when this case was closed.

I dropped the towel, reaching for the t-shirt and shorts I'd found in the one drawer Maura long ago made mine. I pulled the clothes on and went downstairs to read over the files Frost left for me. I wanted to read up on Holton and figure out his patterns. All idiot criminals had one, and so would this jackass. He'd left enough trace evidence to convict him on fifteen different charges.

It was late morning and Cavanaugh had given me the day off to rest, knowing I wouldn't. I walked to the island and grabbed the last of the pastries ma had brought over and shoved one into my mouth. I sat down, flipping through the files. I focused on the file relating to the case Maura testified against Holton, trying to understand his hatred. Her testimony was full of science mumbo jumbo, proving the case against Holton. Maura had been very professional, exact, and detailed. Nothing out of the ordinary struck me as to why Holton wanted her dead aside from the lengthy prison sentence Maura helped serve up.

Leaning back, I ran my hands over my face. I was exhausted, frustrated and I missed Maura. Sitting in her house did very little to calm the empty feeling in my heart. Everywhere I looked the past was there reminding me of the good times. The couch where we would sit and watch movies. The kitchen where we shared most of our meals. This was my home it had become my home a long time ago, and I failed to protect it. Now I was doing everything to protect the woman who welcomed me into this home, and her heart.

I sniffled, I was too tired for this right now. I slapped the files shut and shoved them away and walked upstairs. I would sleep, then restart the hunt when I woke up.

Climbing the stairs, I headed straight to Maura's room without thinking. I crawled into the bed on my side and laid back. Turning to look at the neat pile of Maura's books and her glasses resting at the top. I let my thoughts drift to the nightly ritual that had started up months ago. Maura would invite me to dinner, whether it was at one of her fancy choices or the dirty robber. Then I would follow her home to make sure she got home safe. She'd offer me a beer or leftover dessert ma made and packed into the fridge. We'd sit, talk, eat and then Maura would proclaim it was time for us to go to bed. Citing a litany of scientific facts of how sleep deprivation had dramatic effects on my mood. Basically calling me a crab ass if I didn't sleep enough.

I'd grumble, poking fun at her nerdiness, but follow her. We used to go our separate ways, me to the guest bedroom, Maura to hers. But that changed when my nightmares became overwhelming after a case that reminded me far too much of Hoyt. Maura spewed off more science as she held me, calming down. After that, I just started crawling into bed with her. She would read whatever journal or epic novel of the week, I'd look over sport scores on my phone. I'd always pass out first, always waking up first in the morning to find myself wrapped around Maura. The first thing I'd always see was her perfectly tousled hair and that stack of books with her glasses.

I smiled as I shifted on my side, running my hand over the empty space next to me. The last time I spent the night was three days before our argument. I'd woken up like usual, but this time Maura was facing me. Her hand delicately resting against my heart, a soft smile on her face. It was then and there that I decided I never wanted to wake up without her. I decided I would tell her about my feelings and pray I could hold her without making up some excuse about being a sleep creep.

I sighed, "I'm so stupid, Maura. A big old chicken shit. I should've told you right away how I feel." I rolled away, grabbing my phone. I dialed her new cell phone number knowing it would be super late in London and I could leave a quick message. The phone rang as I pushed myself to rest against the headboard, running my hands through wild hair. I was mentally preparing the awkward speech I was about to leave.

"Jane?"

The sound of Maura's voice had my heart jumping into my throat. "Maura? It's really late. Why did you answer?" I cringed at how harsh my tone was, but I was caught off guard and mildly panicking.

"It's approximately three in the morning here. My jet lag isn't letting up." Maura's voice echoed how tired she was. Mentally and physically.

"Jet lag does have a mind of its own." I cleared my throat. "Um, how are you?"

"Tired."

"I'll let you go." I groaned internally. I was still a chicken shit. "You need your rest."

"Jane, I'm not mad. I understand why you sent me away." Maura paused, "I trust you and I miss you, Jane. Please catch this man so I can come home."

I frowned, I would have to tell her what happened to her house and wardrobe. "I'm working on it." I cleared my throat again, "I just wanted to check on you."

"That day you shot yourself, I sat next to you in the hospital praying to gods I don't believe in. I begged you would wake up, and when you did I would never leave you. What I didn't tell you that day, was that I loved you. I loved you so very much and if you had died saving me, I wouldn't know how to keep on living." Maura paused, her voice shaking. "That's the only solid memory I have of you and I think it's my subconscious telling me to let go and trust you. Trust you in pushing me away like you did, no matter how much it hurt. I have to always trust you, you'll bring me home in so many ways."

I closed my eyes, fighting the tears. "Maura." My heart pounded, I loved this woman so much. "I like this new open version of you. The old you would have filled in the gaps of sentiment with some sort of nerdy explanation based out of a historical reference of love and memory attachment."

"I'm starting to understand you and your ways. I'm learning how to communicate with you and not be so complex. My old journals opened my eyes at much I over analyzed us and my feelings about us." Maura said it with unconditional love, not anger. "I should go before I wake mother. She's been watching me like a hawk, more so than Angela."

I chuckled. "I knew our ma's hanging out together would have adverse effects." Maura laughed lightly. "I miss you, Maur and I promise I'll be on the first flight to London the second after I slap the handcuffs on Holton."

"I'll be waiting." Maura whispered a goodbye.

"Wait, Maura. One last thing." I smiled sheepishly, "I love you."

"And I you, Jane." She whispered the words before hanging up. Never did a whisper have a hold on me before.

I tossed the phone on my stomach, the butterflies fluttering around like anxious fools. I hesitated before swinging my legs out of the bed. I needed to hit those files, not sleep. The quicker I got to Holton, the quicker I could have Maura and start our lives.

I went to rush downstairs when my phone rang. I answered it without looking. "Rizzoli."

"Afternoon Detective Rizzoli. It's so good to hear your voice!"

I frowned, pulling the phone away to look at the number, quickly memorizing it for Frost to trace. "Who is this?"

"Let me save Boston Police resources. Cooper Holton at your service." He laughed, "I hope you like the redecorating I did at Dr. Isles. It took me quite a long time."

My fists clenched as I raced downstairs. "Make this easier on me and tell me where you are. We need to talk."

Holton laughed again, "I will in a minute. But first I wanted to tell you how much I love your work. I was so very wrong about your relationship with Dr. Isles. Putting her on her parent's plane was something a detective would do with a witness. Not a woman in love. I was so very wrong, and I'm rarely wrong."

My heart dropped, "You leave her alone. Deal with me instead."

"As much as I would love to go toe to toe with you, I'm not going to. You've done nothing wrong to me, so why would I bother you? You're innocent Jane." Holton's tone raised all of the hairs on the back of my neck.

"So is Dr. Isles." I slammed my fist down on the granite countertop of Maura's island. "She was just doing her job."

"As was I." Holton paused and I heard background noise that sounded like he was in an airport. The overhead speaker paging someone to gate forty-three. "I must leave, Jane. I only wanted to call and let you know to stop looking over your shoulder. I'll be done with Dr. Isles and out of your hair by Thursday. Perhaps even quicker seeing as the good doctor is still in a very fragile state."

"Holton, I swear if you touch her…"

"You'll kill me. I get it. Hmm, maybe I was incorrect about my assumption of your relationship, this could change some of my plans. Draw out her end." Holton sighed dramatically. "It doesn't matter now, I have a flight to catch." He paused as the background noise grew louder, "Oh and I'm headed to London. I have more resources than you expected, Jane. I'll give Maura your best."

Holton hung up as my rage hit its point. I almost crushed my phone in my hand, trying to calm down. I sucked in a breath and snapped into action. I called Frost as I ran upstairs to throw what little clothes I had in my drawer into a bag. "Frost. Call London metro and tell them what's happening here. Holton found Maura."

"Shit. How did he do that?" Frost was half asleep, the poor guy had spent as much time as us cleaning Maura's house.

"Fuck if I know. All I know is I need to be on a plane to London as quickly as possible." I reached under Maura's bed and grabbed my extra gun I hid under there. It was a terrible habit I carried over from my apartment.

I heard the fast click of a keyboard, "I'm on it. I also checked the Isles jet flight plan. It landed two hours ago. It's the fastest way to get to London before Holton."

I groaned, "I can't call Constance. I don't want to freak her out before the police get there."

Frost chuckled, "It's a good thing you're listed on the Isles list of VIP's. You have access to any of their resources at the drop of hat. I'll call the pilot on duty while you drive to Logan. Man, Jane, you got yourself one hell of a lady."

I nodded as I threw on jeans and my boots. "I know, Frost, I know." I ran down the stairs, grabbing my gun and badge. "Keep me updated with London metro, tell them to have an officer meet me and to have uniforms sitting outside of Maura's apartment until I get there."

"You got it." Frost hung up as I slid into the driver's seat of my cruiser.

I squealed the tires and hesitated throwing the lights and siren on. I clenched the steering wheel as I raced through Boston.

This wasn't how I imagined my flight to London was going to go.

I just hoped I could get to Holton before he got to Maura.


	10. Chapter 10

N: This is what it is. My stories tell me to write what they want to tell, so sometimes the chapters are a little different chapter to chapter. Read on and enjoy! Also to my guest reviewer, DWC, cliffhangers are my signature in fanfiction and I'm not going to stop them nor am i going to push the story in a direction that doesn't feel right and is easy. I apologize if it's not your cup of tea, but there are so many wonderful other stories out there that might work for you. That's what's great about this open forum, you can stop reading and move onto the next thing just like turning a page.

Everyone else! Please enjoy and i hope to have an update this weekend if my mojo cooperates!

* * *

 **Maura**

I closed my laptop, yawning. I never went back to sleep after Jane called. Instead I became driven to wake my memories of her up. I was desperately wanted to know her when she came to bring me home. I wanted to remember her, and what our lives together was like.

I also went through my files and found Holton. He did not give off any characteristics of being a maniac, just a low-level drug manufacturer. My testimony was flawless and helped send him to prison, but nothing stood out as why he would want to hurt me. I sighed, he was just another in a long line of insane men who fixated on me for unknown reasons. Another reason why I stopped dating over the last year and a half, I never knew if a man was genuinely interested in me or if they had an agenda. I smiled, wondering if these feelings for Jane was another reason why dating had slipped from my grasp like an unwanted piece of trash.

I stood up, wobbling a few steps without my cane towards the kitchen. I would start a pot of tea and maybe work on breakfast for mother and I. Opening the cabinet, I spotted the small note from my mother telling me she had woken up and headed to the farmers market for groceries. A short shiver of panic rolled over my spine, I was alone.

I scanned the kitchen, picking up all of the items I could use as a weapon at a moment notice. I smiled at the instinct, this had to be something Jane taught me over the years. The high alert gut instinct to protect myself no matter what. After spotting at least six different appropriate defensive items, I walked back to get my cane.

As I wrapped my hand around it, a strong knock struck the door, startling me. I gripped the head of the cane, lifting it slightly to test its weight. It would do if I had to swing it like a baseball bat.

"Maura? Please open the door. It's Jane."

My heart dropped hearing her voice, and I rushed to the door, yanking it open to see a disheveled Jane standing at my door. She smiled weakly, "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" I took a small step back, leaning on my cane.

Jane sighed, stepping inside the flat and closing the door behind her as she set a duffle bag down on the floor. I didn't have to wait for an answer, I could see it in the way her shoulders sagged and her jaw clenched. I scrunched my face up, fear filling my body. "He found me?"

Jane nodded once, taking a step towards me, her hands clenched in fists. "It'll be okay. I have police outside watching and they've found a safe house to place you and Constance in."

I shook my head, anger rising with the fear. "No. I'm tired of being pushed and pulled everywhere." I blew out a heavy breath, turning away from Jane. "If he comes here, the police will catch him."

"Maura, I don't think it's going to be that easy." I could feel her body heat move closer to my back. "He's a psycho. He figured out where I put you and told me that he was coming straight here to finish what he started." Her voice trembled as she finished her words.

I tipped my head down, "What does he want from me? He's already taken away three months of my life, injured me to the point it will take three times as long to go back to work fully, and worst of all he took you from me. What more does he want?"

Jane's hands landed on my shoulder making me flinch before I relaxed into her touch. "He wants revenge. He told me as much when he called me."

I turned to face Jane, my eyes wide with shock. "He called and told you?"

She nodded, "Yes, that's why I'm here. It's why I took a redder than red red eye flight to get to you. He's determined to finish what he started." She reached down taking my hand, "And I'm determined not to let that happen."

I glanced at our hands, I was tired. I'd only been awake for less than two months and my life was stuck on a spin cycle as Frankie would say. I was tired of looking over my shoulder, being shoved into the shadows and having to be away from Jane when all I wanted was to be closer to her. I wanted to be with her and work on repairing us, not worry about Holton. I sighed, my brain working quickly. "If you arrived now, it means you took the family jet. Cutting your travel time down by at least two hours. If Holton took a commercial flight, it could mean he will be arriving in Heathrow in the next thirty minutes. Commercial jetliners move much slower due to their size and combined weight of passengers and cargo." I closed my eyes, thinking through the mild headache pounding against my temples. "If you go now and provide a picture of Holton to the airport police, they'll be able to use their facial recognition software to single him out." I opened my eyes to see a grinning Jane. "What?"

She leaned forward kissing my forehead, "Thank god your brain only forgot me and not how to be the beautiful genius you are." She straightened up, "Is there somewhere you can go in the meantime? A small cottage? Buckingham palace? I'm sure your mother is friends with the Queen." Jane was scanning the flat with her detective eyes.

"She's better friends with Prince Phillip." I grabbed Jane's forearm when she gave me a strange look, "She painted his sixtieth birthday portrait." I waved away the question she was about to ask, taking a step away from her. "There's a small cottage in the countryside I can head to. I'll have one of our driver's take me, that way none of the police know where I am in case Holton compromises them as well."

Jane gently grabbed my hand, "I'm taking you. It was stupid of me to separate us and I'm not doing it again. If Holton comes for you, he'll have to go through me." Jane let go of my hand and moved further into the flat. "Where's Constance?"

I hobbled behind her, "She's at the farmers market getting groceries. I can call her." I went to pick up my cell phone.

"No, I'll call her and tell her. She's safe. Holton only has interest in you, no one else." Jane ran a hand through her hair, looking around for my bedroom. "You'll need clothes, warm ones. Is the cottage stocked?"

I nodded, smiling. "It is." I didn't have the heart to tell Jane that the small cottage was actually a small English manor my grandparents owned. "It's well stocked and very much off the grid. There's only one road in and it's surrounded by treacherous woods and rock laden hills."

Jane squinted at me, "Fine." She waved at the bedroom. "What do you want to take? Or do you want me to pack for you? I'd like us to leave in the next twenty minutes." She pulled out her cell phone, dialing quickly. "Frost? Yeah I know I owe you a lifetime of coffee for waking you up. Can you send Holton's picture to the London Police and have them sit at Heathrow? Holton should be landing in the next little bit and I'd like to either have them take him into custody or delay him." Jane yawned as she paced. "Then call Maura's mom and tell her I'm taking over from this point on. Maura is safe and will be safe, we just have to get her out of London."

I smiled moving past Jane to grab the suitcase I never really unpacked from Boston. It was already filled with warm clothes that fit me better than what would be hanging in the closets. I was still too thin to wear anything I had, and none of it was appropriate for country living. I rolled the suitcase to the front foyer, watching as Jane continued to pace on the phone. She hung up, jamming the phone in her back pocket. "The police have Holton's picture. Frost will be calling your mother in a minute, and I just cashed in a ton of personal time with Cavanaugh." She smiled, "You're stuck with me."

I chuckled, "I'm sure Cavanaugh was more than happy to have you cash some of the over eight hundred hours of personal time you've accrued." I leaned on the cane, my stomach grumbling for food and my head shouting for pain meds. I hadn't had a decent night of sleep since I stayed at Jane's apartment, it was starting to catch up, along with my body's desire to eat more than nutrient filled much.

Jane rushed to my side, "One, I need to know how you know how much personal time I have, and two, you've not been following your doctor's advice, have you?" She looked down at me as I slowly shook my head. She gave me a motherly look, "I'll make you a quick sandwich while I get a car here for us to take, then you're going to rest."

I smiled as Jane headed to the kitchen. "Thank you." I shuffled after her, reaching for the Audi keys hanging on a hook next to a BPD mug. "The Audi R8 is parked in the underground garage. We can take that and drive it through the back and out to the side street. It'll avoid the police and anyone who might be watching the flat. Mother uses it for when the Prince visits."

Jane's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. "Princes and Audi's. What else don't I know about the Isles family?"

I grinned, watching Jane make peanut butter sandwiches. "The only thing you need to know is they love you." I paused, "As much as I do."

Jane smirked, her cheeks turning a soft pink as she stacked bread. "Well played, Maura."

* * *

XXX

 **Jane**

If my mind wasn't on high alert, I would've been giggling like an idiot as I drove the sweet Audi through the streets of London. For a millisecond, I felt like James Bond, sneaking through underground passageways evading the enemy with a beautiful woman next to me.

I glanced at the beautiful woman in the passenger seat. Maura was watching the road, fighting sleep with every blink. She yawned, a big one, covering mouth in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. This next left turn should take us out of the city and onto the highway into the country. From there, it should only be about an hour and a half." She smiled, blinking away her exhaustion. "I'm sorry you have to drive, Jane. But I'm impressed how easily you picked up driving on the opposite side of the road."

I smirked, "Driving through Boston rush hour on a emergency run, you end up driving on the left more times than you'd think." I reached over, laying a hand on her forearm. "It's okay to fall asleep, you're jet lag and you deserve some rest."

Maura covered my hand with hers, "Maybe when we're in the country and further away." Her face fell a bit and I knew what she meant.

I pointed at my phone, "Frost already emailed me. Your mother is safe, she is staying with a friend near the palace. The police have swarmed Heathrow with Holton's picture. Fingers crossed this trip to your cottage will end up being a mini vacation for us." I smiled, the crease around Maura's forehead easing away. "Hey, why don't you tell me a story. Any story. I've told you a handful, I think it's only fair."

Maura patted my hand, "Any story? Well, I think most of my stories are frightfully boring or riddled with science facts." She took my hand, linking our fingers together before pulling our hands to sit in her lap. "But I'll try." She sighed, turning in her seat and grimacing a little in pain. She shook her head when she caught my look, "I'm fine, I'm still getting used to sitting for long periods."

"Are you sure? I placed your bag behind my seat, so you can get it. I double checked to make sure all of your meds are in there." I squeezed her hand.

She nodded, shifting again. "I'm sure. I'll let you know." She cleared her throat, "I never had intentions of working in Boston. I had multiple job offers from the east coast to the west coast, even overseas." She chuckled, "I could've been the medical examiner for London, but passed on it for Boston." She yawned once more, "I took Boston because it was so far out of my comfort zone in terms of the position and the work I would be doing. I'd be forced to interact with so many different people, different personalities, and I thought it would be a healthy environment for me. Work on my social awkwardness."

"You're still incredibly socially awkward, but you've gotten better over the years." I winked at Maura. "Please continue your story."

Maura sighed playfully, "I almost quit in the first few months. I was completely overwhelmed with how much I did have to interact and the negative reactions of many detectives to my personality. I loved the work, but it became an exercise in controlling my anxiety every day. Detectives are an egotistical bunch, more so than most surgeons I know. I even had gone so far as to interview at a few research pathology clinics. I was ready to resign and hand it over to Dr. Pike."

I groaned, shaking my head as I entered the highway. "Dr. Pike is the worst ever." I gently removed my hand from Maura's, placing both on the steering wheel as the roads thinned out significantly. "What made you stay and ride it out? Become Boston's most notorious medical examiner?"

Maura's face dropped and she furrowed her brow in deep thought. "You know what, I'm not sure why I didn't leave." She clasped both of her hands together. "It's as if the reason is on the tip of my tongue but I can't say it." She closed her eyes, sighing in frustration.

I had an idea I was a part of that reason, and the reason why she couldn't remember why she stayed in the department. I sucked in a slow breath and went with my detective instinct and question her like I would a witness. Maybe it'd help move her memories along. "Do you remember what month, or year it was that you were thinking about leaving?"

Maura kept her eyes closed, "It was fall. I remember that much. I was a little excited at the possibility of leaving before the Boston winter hit. My staff was decorating the crime lab with Christmas decorations, and I commented on how it was barely a week after thanksgiving."

I smiled to myself. I knew exactly what she was talking about. I'd just returned to the homicide division that October after my leave of absence. I finally formally met a shocked medical examiner, curious as to how a hooker had access to the crime labs. Maura hadn't fully integrated in her new role, and I was always stuck with random ME's until Hoyt. When I came back, Maura had taken over completely and really had no clue who I was outside of the department gossip.

Strange luck was on our side that fall, and I spent a lot of time in the morgue working with Maura. Our friendship developed quickly, along with my sub duded attraction for the enigmatic Maura Isles. I thought for a moment and picked a particular memory. "Do you remember closing out the triple homicide? The frat boy murders?"

She nodded slowly, opening her eyes. "I do. It was an odd one. I found polyester fur imbedded in the back molars of the third victim."

I chuckled, "And that led us to the disgruntled kid who was hazed by the frat boys for wearing the giant beaver costume. Afterwards, you went to the Dirty Robber with the homicide team. Frost, Korsak, Frankie, all were there. Celebrating closing out the case in record time."

Maura smiled. "I do. It was the first time I was invited out by the detectives. I was pleasantly surprised how nice they all were. I had only dealt with them on a professional level." She paused, her brow scrunching up. "I had my first draft beer that night. It was a local favorite on tap, and one detective talked me into it. It wasn't Barry, Vince, or Frankie. It was a woman…who told me in order to celebrate properly, I had to have a three-dollar beer. That it would…"

"Put hair on your chest." I rasped out the words, trying to hold back the excitement that something was clicking in her brain.

Maura turned, her hazel eyes wide in surprise. "Then I explained that it was genetically impossible for a female to suddenly sprout chest hair off of a sip of beer. Especially if the beer is of poor quality and lacks the strong fermentation process of more well-developed brews" She hesitated her eyes welling up with tears, "You then laughed, threw an arm around me and told me to relax, it was a just a phrase your father used to tell you whenever you turned your nose up at anything you found disgusting." Maura sniffled, "I remember you that day. You never left my side and you made sure I was included into the discussion. You made me feel welcomed." Her voice broke as she tipped her head down, wiping at her cheeks. "You wore a dark blue button down with your grey suit. I commented how the suit was two sizes too big and the cut made you look squarish."

I laughed out loud, "Yes you did. I would've been offended, but I saw the innocence in your eyes. You weren't making fun of the way I dress like the rest of the crew. The next day, you grabbed my hands in the café, touching my scars. That was when I felt it for the first time." I paused, savoring the memory of that first touch, that first tingle. "There was no way I'd ever be able to turn away from the awkward doctor who dressed like she just walked off the runways of Milan."

"Even I couldn't afford the runaway pieces." Maura whispered. "I remember you." It was as if she was reassuring her brain that it was okay to unlock her memories. "I remember you."

I chuckled, "It's a shame you didn't remember a more glorious moment. So far you've only fallen onto my insane heroics and my poor taste in humor." I looked at Maura, her smile was strained. It was the smile she gave when she was beyond tired and struggling to stay polite. I reached a hand over, brushing my fingers over her cheek before tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear. "Take a nap. Don't overthink it. I know it might take time, a long time or forever for you to fully reclaim your brain."

Maura covered my hand, pressing it against her cheek. "Okay." Her one word answer had layers to it. I knew that giant brain of hers was processing over and over and over. Tearing things down to an atomic level so she could reverse engineer it and come up with a hard explanation for everything.

I let her pull my hand into her lap as she scooted into a more comfortable position. "Maur, sleep. I'll wake you when we get to the cottage." She nodded and closed her eyes.

Two deep breaths later, Maura was asleep, clutching my hand like it was a safety blanket. I smiled and turned back to the road. For a few minutes as I drove, I rode the high of Maura's brain giving me a chance. It gave me the motivation to keep fighting for her. I was doing the right thing, and at least one of my detective tactics worked. It gave me hope that if I kept gently pressing, she could recover completely.

I just had to keep her safe.

* * *

"Cottage my ass. This is a stinking mansion." I leaned forward in the driver's seat, peering at the massive manor in front of us. It was the size of ten cottages and nothing like the moss covered stone hut I imagined when Maura told me about it.

"It's technically a manor. Much smaller than a mansion and includes land. A mansion is just slang for a massive house. Realtors use it to inflate the price and image of a home." Maura's sleepy voice rose from the passenger seat.

I smirked, rolling my eyes at her geek speak. "Potato potatoe. Mansion manor." I pulled the Audi onto the gravel driveway. "Where do I park?"

Maura pointed to the far side. "Go around the back there. There's a large garage you can park in that has an entrance that leads into the kitchen." She sat up, wincing with a small groan.

I drove a little faster to the garage, parking the Audi and hopping out. I opened Maura's door and held out my hand. "We need to get you to bed."

Maura's mouth twitched into a smirk of her own. "We still haven't had our first date." She winced again as she stood up. "I'm just very stiff."

I practically took Maura in my arms, fighting off the images of Maura, in a bed, with me, naked. I shook my head, focusing on steadying her. "Which of the three hundred bedrooms is yours?"

Maura sighed, smiling. "There's only fifty bedrooms." She winked as she leaned fully into my side. "Take the first left off the kitchen. Down the hall, past the library is the ground floor master bedroom. I use that one when I stay here."

I nodded, clearing my throat. My mind was hyperactive with scenarios involving Maura and a bedroom. It didn't help she was pressed against me and so very warm. So very soft. "Okay."

I walked Maura into the kitchen, shaking my head at the massiveness of the kitchen and the manor in general. "Never tell my ma about how big this kitchen is. She'll move all Rizzoli dinners here."

"She'd be more than welcome. My mother would love it." Maura wobbled next to me, yawning every other step. "You should bring her with you the next time we come here for holiday."

I scrunched my brow. "Next time we come here?"

Maura looked into my eyes, a mild panic passing over her tired hazel ones. "Um, yes. I thought that after this case, my case, was closed. You and I could work on our future. I want to share so much of my life with you. I want to tell you things I've never told anyone. I want to spend a week with you in this giant house and play hide and seek."

My heart skipped and I pulled her closer. "Hide and seek?"

Maura turned a bright red, "Yes. Hide and seek where the winner gets kissed. It's something my college roommates used to play when they went to parties. I always wanted to play it, but I never met anyone who didn't take themselves too seriously." She mumbled the last few words. "It's stupid. I'm very tired and I think my thoughts are unorganized."

I stopped us, turning to face the bright red doctor. I cupped her cheeks, tipping her head up so she would look at me. "Maur. I would love to play hide and seek, chutes and ladders, candy land, or go fish with you. Especially if it earns me kisses." I bent forward, kissing Maura soundly. I parted from her lips, grinning. "But can we come back here without ma? At least for our first vacation together? I love her, but she's nosy and will interrupt any chance she can get to ask when she'll get grandkids out of us."

Maura nodded, licking her lips and sighing. "It's a promise." She glanced at the large door next to us. She waved at it, turning to look at me, her eyes drifting to my lips. "Um, this is the bedroom." She pushed the door open and wobbled inside. "There's a room next to this one." She pointed at another door, "They are connected there. If you'd like your own space."

Maura wobbled towards the bathroom, "I'm going to take a quick shower. The hot water will help the stiff joints." She smiled weakly, running her hand along the wall as she walked.

"I'll unload the car while you shower." I cleared my throat as my adolescent mind drifted to more inappropriate thoughts. "I'll meet you here in ten? Maybe we can rustle up some food and find a TV to fall asleep in front of?"

Maura grinned, "There's a theatre room across from the library. I had the kitchen stocked before we left. Your favorite beer is in the fridge and there's plenty of junk food to keep you happy."

I sighed dramatically, "You know you're absolutely perfect?"

Maura blushed, her eyes flashing a darker shade of green. "Jane."

I ran my hands through my hair, feeling the dramatic change in the air between us. "Uh, yeah. The car. I'll be back in a minute." I backed out of the room and practically ran down the hallway. I cursed my libidio, this wasn't the time for long dead hormones to rear up and start filling my head, and body with inappropriate feelings. No matter how delicious they felt. "Keep it in your pants, Rizzoli." I groaned, as I popped the trunk open on the Audi, snatching our bags. Maybe staying in the room next to Maura's would be a great idea. Right after taking an ice-cold shower.

As I slammed the trunk closed, my cellphone vibrated in my pocket. It was an email from Frost.

 _Jane,_

 _Holton was stopped by customs but slipped out of their custody. He attacked both agents watching him and made a break through a side terminal. He slashed one in the throat and stabbed the other in the gut with broke shards of glass from a computer screen he smashed. It looks like the agents will make it. There's a bolo out for him and Heathrow has been on lock down. You're not the only one keen on catching this freak, it might keep his head buried for a couple of days. I've asked all communication to go through me so no one can trace your whereabouts. Also, you can thank me later for encrypting your cell phone while you cleaned Maura's closet out. Anything you do on it, it looks like you're still in Boston running around._

 _Mama Isles is safe and placing all of her trust in you. She also said if you're where she thinks you are, it's practically untraceable unless Holton wants to search medieval land records from the 1500's. Whatever that means. Mrs. Isles scares me a little._

 _The rest of us are keeping an eye on things here. So, focus on what you need to there. Keep the doc safe, keep yourself safe and come home._

 _Frost._

My stomach twisted as I looked at the mini fortress standing before me. I knew Holton was coming for us, and it would be a matter of time before he showed up on the front step. I would have to walk the house and find all of the points of entry and form a plan from there. I shoved my phone into my back pocket and headed back into the house. At least I had the night. I would make sure Maura ate, and got a good night's sleep. I'd tell her in the morning that Holton had slipped through our fingers again. As I walked through the kitchen I spotted the same alarm system Maura had in her home in Boston. I smiled, and quickly set it. If anything the Isles were prepared creatures of habit.

When I walked into the bedroom, I found Maura curled up on the bed, dead asleep. Her hair was damp, the wet towel sat in a lump next to her, and she was wearing my shirt. The same old Red Sox one I spotted under her sweater when I barged into her flat. The sight of it made my heart skip a few times. Maura wearing my clothes was quickly becoming a weakness.

The poor woman was sleeping heavy, her chest was rising and falling with deep breaths. I smiled, setting the bags down and closing the bedroom door. I grabbed a few things out of my duffle bag and slipped into the bathroom. I came out a few minutes later, Maura still in the same position, asleep.

I crawled onto the bed, nudging Maura. "Maur, honey? You don't have to wake up, I just want to get you under the covers."

She mumbled, rolling over and peeling her eyes open. "Jane?"

I smiled, "The one and only." I scooted closer, gently pulling the covers out from under her. "I just need you to move a tiny bit."

She yawned and reached up, "I'm cold." Her eyes drooped.

"Good thing I'm a walking heater." I wrapped an arm around her waist and maneuvered the both of us under the covers. I laid back, chuckling as Maura burrowed into my chest and snuggled into my side.

"Very warm." Maura murmured against my shirt.

"Sleep." I kissed the top of her head, running small circles along her shoulder. I had intentions of sleeping in the guest room, but Frost's email changed my mind. If Holton wanted Maura, he would have to go through me, physically. I stared at the ceiling, thinking of the time when I could share a bed with Maura like this and not have to think about anything other than waking her up with a kiss. God, what I wouldn't give to have a normal night with this woman. Just like we used to have before everything turned to shit. I sighed, it would it be so terrible of me if I hoped it could stay just like this? Have Maura only know me in the now, and not the past where feelings were muddy and confusing? Who cares if she didn't remember me, we had a lot of bad moments that I wished I could forget. I groaned, running fingers through tangled hair. That would be horrible of me. I would take Maura anyway I could get her. I loved her wholly and unconditionally, no matter whatever our future might be in her mind. I would love her as I did then and now. My thoughts were cut off when Maura sighed sleepily and placed her ear over my heart, murmuring and pulling me closer.

Maura fell back into a deep sleep, and I quickly followed her. My own exhaustion swallowing me up.

I had plenty of time to overthink later.


	11. Chapter 11

**N: This is what it is. I ambled around with some fluff until an idea popped in my head on how to wrap this one up in a few chapters. And yes...cliffhanger, but don't worry! Holton is about to meet Jane face to face! Read on and enjoy!**

* * *

 **Maura**

The ache of my entire body pulled me from sleep. My head hurt, my chest, my legs, and there was tension sitting right across my shoulders. I knew it was due to sitting for too long and forgoing my medication for sleep when we arrived at the manor. Not even the warmth of Jane could ease the growing pain.

I slid out of the bed, wincing as I stood and walked out of the room. Jane was still asleep, her face mashed into a pillow, snoring. The sight made me smile, she was beautiful even like she was. Snoring and hogging the blankets. I grabbed my small bag of toiletries, taking one last look at Jane before I left her.

I closed the bedroom door softly and moved down the hall. I had to lean against the walls to stay steady with every step. I was very tired and knew I needed more sleep, but it wasn't going to happen like this. An aching body and a full mind. I'd remembered Jane. It might have been a random moment in time, but I remembered her, she was there in my mind. I closed my eyes as I made it to the library office down the hall from our bedroom. I was picturing her smirking at me as I took a sip of beer. The small sparks in her brown eyes as I remarked her choice of beer was actually very tasty. The small tingles that flooded my body when her hand fell to the small of my back, guiding me to the booth where the rest of our friends sat. The way she laughed at Frankie's jokes, the way she asked if I was doing okay every three minutes. Knowing I had a very difficult time in new social situations. I saw all of it clearly in my mind, but nothing further when I pushed for more. It was as if someone cut the power on my neural pathways connecting each memory together.

I sighed as I eased into the large leather sofa sitting across from a fireplace. "Maybe I should stop fighting it." I whispered in the empty room. I shook my head as I set the toiletry bag on my lap, searching for my bottles of medication. I had too much on my plate mentally and physically to fight with a brain that had it's own agenda. I should be working on healing, getting better so I could help Jane and not be another burden for her to worry about. I saw it in her eyes as she watched me, I was frail, fragile. The way she held me last night, it was incredible but I could almost feel Jane's fear. It radiated from her body and made me wish I had the strength to protect her. Take her in my arms and shield her from the world outside.

I huffed, looking at my thin hands as I held the pill bottles. "I can barely hold myself up." I shook my head, shaking out the medications I'd skipped yesterday and went to stand up in search of a glass of water. As I walked towards the small bar cart sitting in front of the book shelves, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the fireplace. What I saw made me stop in place.

It was cliché, but I was a shadow of my former self. My cheek bones were more pronounced, my eyes had the dark circles of sleeping erratically, and my clothes hung off skeletal arms and legs. My heart sank. How could Jane find me attractive? Love me like this? I shifted, moving closer to the mirror and grimacing as I saw how bad my limp was. I moved like I was a hundred years old, not like a woman about to be forty should. My eyes welled up as my heart twisted in my chest. Covering my mouth with a hand, I fought the urge to sob at the way I looked. I'd not bothered to look at what I'd become since I was discharged from the hospital. There had been no time when we discovered Holton was the man responsible for this. Now standing in front of a mirror, locked away in a countryside manor, I was forced to look at myself. Holton had done his best to take me from this world. I swallowed more sobs as tears streamed down my cheeks and pooled against my fingers.

"Maura?" Jane's raspy voice whispered into the room, startling me.

I quickly wiped my cheeks, clearing my throat as I turned away from her and the mirror. "I'm fine." I tipped my head down, letting my hair fall like a curtain along the side of my face, hiding it.

"You were crying." Jane's voice was suddenly closer, forcing me to take a large step away from her.

I shook my head, reaching for the decanter of water sitting on the bar cart. "I'm fine, Jane. I woke up in mild discomfort. I've missed a few doses of my medications due to traveling." I frowned as my doctor voice slid in, one of my good old standby defense mechanisms.

Jane's hand grasped my elbow, "I know that Dr. Isles tone. It means you're far from fine." She gently turned me to face her, pushing the curtain of hair away. She ran her fingers across my cheeks, "And this is evidence you've been crying." She half smiled, "Don't fight me on it, I am a detective. A professional at spotting evidence."

I closed my eyes, "Please don't, Jane." I took a step away, away from her hand. "You should go back to sleep. I'll be fine after the medications have taken effect." I crossed my arms over my chest, desperate to cover myself.

I heard Jane sigh and move to stand right behind me. Her ever present warmth sneaking its way over my body. "You don't remember the most crucial part of my personality when it comes to you. I know you better than you know yourself, and I can tell somethings wrong. You've been crying and it's not because you missed a epic shoe sale." She ran a hand over my shoulder, "Maura, you can trust me. I love you."

I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard the words, "How can you love me? When I'm this frail, horrid looking shell of a person I was." I started crying again. "I'm weak. I can barely walk, and I am constantly asking you to help me. My clothes don't even fit, they hang off of me like I'm just a hanger holding them up. One cranial fracture, a compound fracture in both of my arms, half of my ribs on side broken, a broken femur that had to have screws to steady it, deep contusions on my side that I can still see when I remove my shirt, a twenty five pound weight loss and we already know about what's wrong up here." I tapped on the side of my temple. "You know I just noticed yesterday that my hair was shaved on that side of my head for stitches? I only noticed because I combed my hair a different way after a shower." I paused, realizing my voice had risen to the point I was almost yelling at Jane. I sniffled, shaking my head in embarrassed frustration, "You should go back to sleep, you need your rest."

Jane huffed, "They hang off of you because they're my clothes and we both know I usually get a size bigger than normal for my lazy Sunday clothes. Shit, that shirt you're wearing looks like a circus tent on me."

I shook my head, but stopped as Jane moved closer. Her front brushing across my back as she bent down, her mouth close enough to my ear, her breath was gliding over the skin, making me shiver. "How can I love you? That's a great question, Maura." Her hands came up to my shoulders, gently turning me to face her. I had to swallow hard at how close we were, her big brown eyes boring right into mine. "I love you because you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life. I love your big brain that's so jammed pack of useless facts, it's better than google. I love your big heart that welcomed not only me, but my entire annoying family in. I love the way you know what's wrong with me in one look, or one word. I love that you know exactly how I like my coffee, my burger, and beer in a bottle not a glass. I love the way you make me feel completely safe in your arms when all of my nightmares threatened to overrun my life. I love the way you fall asleep wearing your glasses with a book in your lap. Lastly, I love you Maura Isles because you're standing in front of me wearing my old clothes questioning why on earth would I ever want to love a incredible woman like you." She grinned, placing both of her hands against my cheeks. "I don't see anything wrong with you. You're healing. You're alive and that's more than enough for me."

I blushed, a lump floating at the bottom of my throat as my heart swelled to the point it felt like it was going to take over my entire chest. Every word Jane spoke whittled away at my fears. I might not look like the most beautiful woman in the world, but the way Jane looked at me, I knew I was in her eyes. "I'm so frail. I can't help you, I can't protect you…"

Jane shook her head, cutting me off. "Stop it, Maura. You've already helped me, in this case and every minute of every day I have you in my life." She ran a thumb across my cheek, "As for protecting me? You're the only reason I can sleep at night. When you're laying next to me, I'm safer than I've ever been." She searched my eyes, "You're not frail. I saw you scoping out the kitchen as we walked in. Looking for makeshift weapons like I showed you. I also bet you still remember a few of the fancy sword moves."

I smiled with watery eyes, "Fencing moves." I reached up, wrapping my hands around Jane's wrists. "Jane. Was it always like this between us? So…intense?" I felt a fire sparking to life in the pit of my stomach as I breathed in more of Jane's shampoo. I silently cursed my libido for jumping the gun and racing to a starting line I was no where ready to stand at, no matter how incredible Jane looked with her wild bed head and loving grin.

Jane chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. "Intense, yes. That's the best word to explain it. We skirted the line so many times, yet neither of us crossed it. Just intense gazes, hugs, and long periods of staring at each other." She smirked, "I can't tell you how many times I wished I could read your mind and stop playing the guess gaming. It just had to take you getting hurt for me to grow the balls to say anything."

I smiled at her phrasing and dropped my hands from hers so I could slip them around her waist. "You can't grow testicles."

Jane shook her head, "I'm very aware of that doctor." She gave me a dramatic sigh, "Now that we're both wide awake, what do you say to some pancakes and eggs? Ma showed me how to make the bunny pancakes."

I grinned, my stomach rumbling in excitement. I was very hungry. "Angela's bunny pancakes always made me feel better about life." I took Jane's hand, stepping away from her. "Jane, I know I'm all over the place with my emotions. I wanted to apologize..."

Jane pressed her fingers against my mouth, shushing me. "Nope. Don't say it Maura. You never have to apologize for anything, especially for the way you feel right now, today, tomorrow. I'm never going to judge you. I'm here with you because it's where I belong, it's where I need to be."

I blushed again, nodding. "You're where I need to be too. You're my home, Jane." I rasped the words out, smiling at Jane's reddening cheeks. I kissed the corner of her mouth, "I love you right now, today, tomorrow, forever." I whispered against her lips, the blood rushing in my ears. I was beginning to build a slow craving for Jane. I backed away, letting out a slow breath to calm my heart.

I saw Jane visibly swallow and run her hand through tangled hair. "Um, those pancakes?"

I reached own, linking my fingers in hers enjoying the flustered state of the woman. Knowing I had that effect on her helped build my confidence and carve away at the frailty that lingered as I glimpsed the mirror over her shoulder. "Lead the way."

When Jane squeezed my hand, I knew we would make it through this. Together.

* * *

 **Jane**

Watching Maura eat a thin stack of bunny shaped pancakes kept my thoughts distracted. She ate like a happy little kid, and it made me smile. I wasn't worried about her weight anymore after watching her demolish a pile of eggs before working on the stack I set before her. She didn't even complain about the chemicals in the syrup I set next to her, she just happily soaked the pancakes and dug in.

I never once worried about Maura's physical state after she woke up. She had proven to me in a week that she was a strong and determined woman. She would be back to her normal self in time, and so I never focused on how small she was or how frail she moved. I just steadied her as she went and made sure that she was eating. So it blew me away when she confessed her fears about how I could ever love her while she was healing. I chuckled, if she only knew how deep my attraction ran for her. I wanted to sit and make out with her every chance I could, like the horny teenager I really was.

Last night, Maura rolled over and brushed her hand over my breasts and I almost jumped out of my skin. Then became ridiculously embarrassed that I was such a horn dog. A little innocent brush of the hand and I was ready to rumble with the good doctor. I shook my head, turning to refill Maura's orange juice. A royal rumble would have to wait. I had to catch a maniac and Maura needed to heal.

I slid her glass across the counter, running my eyes over her face and catching her eyes. One of my favorite features on her. Hazel eyes that shift from muddy green to bright emeralds depending on her mood. Right now they bordered on tarnished copper, meaning she was tired but happy. "How are the pancakes?"

Maura smiled with a full mouth, "Delicious. Thank you for making them."

I handed her a napkin, "It's probably the fancy pancake mix I found. Even the food in this place is above my pay grade. Don't worry I added some healthy protein to make sure you have a good base of energy to work off of." I picked up a fork, spearing a small chunk of pancake. "It's still early morning, what did you feel like doing today?"

Maura pushed her plate closer to me, "I'd like to walk outside for a bit. It feels like a lifetime since I've been in fresh air." She leaned forward, smiling as I stole more of her pancakes. "Then can we just sit together and maybe plan our first date?"

I laughed nervously, "You haven't forgotten about that date, have you." She shoved more food in her mouth.

Maura shook her head, "I might have forgotten a lot, but not that I asked you out." She reached for the glass of juice. "There's a nice place in London I would like to take you to. Somewhere special to me."

"Is it a museum on Victorian surgical procedures? With old things and a bunch of science?" I cocked an eyebrow.

Maura laughed, shaking her head. "The one I want to take you to is in Scotland, and no it isn't a museum." She paused, fidgeting with her glass. "It's a place I used to go to when I was a child in London." Her eyes dimmed, and she forced a smile. Her way of dismissing the conversation. "Let me help you clean up." She went to stand, but I waved her off.

"Sit. Relax. I got this." I pointed at the dishwasher next to the sink. "Why don't you go upstairs and get ready for that walk. Dress warmly, it's colder than Boston out there."

Maura slid off her seat slowly and walked back to the bedroom. I watched her for a moment before loading the dishwasher. After mashing a bunch of buttons, I was able to get the thing started.

As I moved to finish off the rest of her orange juice, my phone began buzzing in my back pocket. I yanked it out, spotting the email notification from Frost. I went to open it, when an unknown number lit up my phone. I stared at the number, my gut tingling.

"Rizzoli." I walked to the small mudroom so Maura couldn't hear me.

"Smart move detective in sending the police to the airport." Holton's voice filled my ear. "I must admit I panicked and it wasn't my best work. I'm usually much cleaner with my attacks, and I rarely leave anyone alive. Those guards should consider themselves lucky."

I clenched my jaw, "I will find you."

"And kill me, yes I know. You don't have to pull out the movie lines on me." Holton laughed, "I wanted to call and let you know that we've come a across a bit of delay. The police are everywhere, and it's made my life a little difficult. London is an admirable city and full of cameras." He sighed, "I've had to go into hiding for a few days before I make my way to you and the doctor. I'm impressed by you Detective Rizzoli. You do love that woman. But I have one question for you."

"You should be worried about what I'm going to do to you when I find you." I hissed through my teeth.

Holton laughed, "I like this rough and tumble side of you. You're going to prove to be a fun opponent. But the question is, are you willing to die with Dr. Isles? Do you love her enough to die with her or better yet, die for her?"

"Where are you? Make this easy. Tell me where you are, and I'll come to you." I began pacing. It was stupid to use me as bait, but I didn't want Holton anywhere near Maura. "Tell me what you want, Holton. Tell me why you chose Maura."

There was a pause before Holton spoke again. "Fine. Since I'm stuck in the bowels of this city for a few days, I'll play along. Search her testimonies from the state of California vs. Rodrigo Varez." He paused again, "I had a family too, Detective. One I protected as fiercely as you protect the woman you love." The confidence in his voice was gone. "Till we meet in person, Jane."

The line went dead, leaving me angry and eager to crush the phone in my hand. I wanted to go outside, scream into the mountains and then run back to London and search every sewer I could until I found that rat. I took a few calming breaths, pulling my rage back in. I needed to focus on Holton and the vague clue he gave me. I swiped the phone, opening up my email. I did a quick request from Frost to find the court files and forward them as soon as he could.

I tucked my phone away and went towards the bedroom. I knew taking the bait from Holton would be fruitless, but any insight on this maniac would give me an edge.

I walked into the bedroom, smiling as Maura walked out of the bathroom wearing another one of my old shirts, pulling a thick sweater over it.

I bit the inside of my cheek as Holton's question rolled around my head. I shoved it to the back, telling myself that it wasn't a question I'd have to answer. Ever.


	12. Chapter 12

**N: this went where it wanted to go. I had to set up a few things with Maura's memories for the next chapter, or chapter after that. She will get her full memory back and i had to set up the Maura scar...anyways. It's fluff but i was stuck and just wrote until i worked my way out and into the next chapter that will have the epic showdown. I think there might be two or three chapters in this one before it's done. Yes, cliffhanger, but i have no idea if i've written a decent story...anyways! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Maura**

I clutched to Jane's arm, using her to stabilize myself as we walked slowly through the back garden. The cool air was invigorating, and a welcome changed from the recycled air I'd been breathing. From the hospital, to my home, the airplane, the flat, the car, etc. I'd been breathing canned air and I was eager to fill my lungs with clean air that smelled like trees and dirt. I smiled as I felt Jane's hand on my forearm, warm and secure. "Thank you." I broke the strange silence that had fallen between us in the last five minutes of our walk.

Jane was looking up, squinting at the canopy the trees offered us. "For what? I think you learned how to walk a long time ago." She smirked, looking down at me, "Unless you're thanking me for being a much better-looking cane." She pulled me closer into her side, her gait slowing to match my wobbly one.

I cocked my eyebrow, nudging her. "For everything. Especially being my cane. You sturdier and much better to look at than black steel with a rubber tip." I pulled the collar of my coat up, the chilly wind sneaking its way around it to grace my skin. "The pancakes were amazing and gave me quite the energy boost."

Jane reached over, fixing the scarf she had wrapped around me at the back door. "You don't have to thank me. It's my pleasure to take care of you. I believe it was written in our best friend contract a long time ago, to take care of each other when we need it." She smoothed down the scarf edge, "If you're cold, we can go back."

I shook my head, "I'm fine." I spotted an old bench a few steps away from us, my body suddenly drawn to the idea of sitting down for a moment. Walking for long periods of time was still a physical chore and my body had no hesitation to let me know when it had enough. "Can we sit for a moment?"

Jane nodded and directed me to the bench. She sat me down before flopping next to me, pulling her own coat closer around her. The tip of her nose was turning red and she sniffled from the cold. I stared at her, thinking about what she said about our contract and taking care of each other. It made me think about her scars, the ones I saw when I almost walked in on her changing after breakfast. I gasped at the sight, only recognizing the one on her lower back. The rest, I had no memory of where they came from and they made my stomach twist at the Jane being in pain. She was such a strong force, and so beautiful. I hated that her smooth skin was so marred. It made me want to kiss everyone of them and wish them from her body. I took in a cool breath, leaning into her warmth. "Jane, your scars. How did you get them?" I knew asking would have an adverse reaction, but I wanted to know. I was hoping if she told me more about herself, the adventures we shared at the police department, it would spark up my memory like it did before. I wanted to know so I could try and take care of her. Be there for Jane like she was for me, reassuring when the world came down heavy around my shoulders.

Jane sighed, taking my hand. "It's probably better that you don't remember my scars." She ran her thumb over my knuckles. "I've done a lot of stupid things and they're all reminders that I need to slow my heroic ass." She glanced at me, smiling weakly. "They remind me too much of all the times I almost screwed up so badly, I would've never seen you again." She nudged me again, "Were you creeping on me while I dressed?"

My face turned hot, "No, no." I swallowed hard, my skin starting to prickle with hives. "I mean, I wasn't creeping as you say. I came into the room to ask you something and I happened to see you in the bathroom looking for a shirt. That's when I saw your back and the scars. You're stunning, Jane and I couldn't look away." I tipped my head down, utterly embarrassed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't."

Jane's hand fell to my cheek, directing me to look at her. "Hey, I was kidding. I don't care if you look. I think over the years you've seen me in varying states of undress. We did have to take hazmat showers in your lab once. I think the entire station saw all of my bits." She smiled, "I'll say this, there's once scar on my back that has your name on it." She searched my eyes, clearly debating if she wanted to tell me or keep it to herself. "It's nothing sad, it's silly and it always makes me think of Christmas." She waved it off, "It's nothing."

"I wish I could take them all away, your scars. You're too beautiful, Jane." I paused, feeling silly for what I wanted to say next.

Jane leaned over, kissing my cheek. "I don't want them taken away. They remind me I'm a survivor. They remind me I'm strong. Stupid, but strong and there isn't a damn thing I won't do to protect those I love." She bent to my ear, "I'd take all of yours away and put them on my body if I could. You're far more beautiful than I, Maura."

I blushed once more and turned to kiss Jane fully on the lips. I closed my eyes as she kissed me back. AS we kissed, something clicked in my heart and I knew I was hopelessly beyond in love with this beautiful stranger. Jane Rizzoli had stolen my heart and soul. I smiled against her lips as a tiny moan escaped, "Jane? I think we should walk some more." I whispered, brushing her bottom lip with mine. I was very warm, and my hands itched to slid them under her coat, her shirt, and lay flat against her skin.

Jane leaned back, flushed with dark eyes. "Okay." She stood up, pulling open her collar. "I could use some air."

I chuckled taking her hand. "Will you ever tell me about the scar I gave you?" I reached up, brushing fingertips over the small wound on her cheek that was now just a yellow bruise. The stitches had already begun to dissolve. "This one will be nothing but a faded bruise in a few weeks. The doctor did an amazing job stitching you up."

Jane linked our arms together, barely hearing my comment about her most recent injury, "Maybe." She stared out in front of us, her face dropping ever so slightly. "Maybe." She motioned to the path ahead of us. "Let's do a loop and go back inside. I'm itching to light that fireplace and make smore's."

I squeezed her elbow, forcing her to look at me. "Jane. I love you. I think when you held me in the library chasing away all of my negative thoughts about how I look, I couldn't ignore what I feel for you. I love you so much, and I honestly don't care if the old me comes back. The Maura Isles standing in front of you has fallen in love with you." I shrugged, "Maybe I have an advantage now, being free of the past." I linked my fingers in hers. "I want to know everything about you Jane, the good, the bad, and the ugly."

Jane sniffled, chuckling. "You know I made you watch that movie last summer? You absolutely hated it and pointed out all of the historical inaccuracies. You literally drove me to tears, and I made you buy me ice cream to make up for it."

Jane lifted my hand, kissing the top of it. The moment her warm lips touched my chilled hands, something flickered in my mind. I closed my eyes focusing on it, pushing my mind. "You had a triple banana split with extra sprinkles and hot fudge. I bet you, you couldn't eat all of it, and you made yourself so sick trying to prove me wrong. You ended up passing out on my bed, curled up in the fetal position with your head in my lap." I opened my eyes, staring at Jane. "I had to run my fingers through your hair to prevent you from throwing up everywhere."

Jane grinned, turning to swallow me up in her strong arms. "I swear your brain has a vendetta against me. Only picking up on my most embarrassing moments." She kissed the top of my head, "I almost threw up in your lap, but I didn't want to prove you right." She let out a slow breath, "I should just tell you all the stupid things I did, maybe it'll snap all of your memories back."

I slid my arms under her coat, laying my hands on her lower back. "You couldn't stand the smell of bananas for a month." I laid my ear over her heart, searching my brain for more. I was getting really tired of the bits and pieces it was giving me.

I slipped my fingers under her shirt, pressing against very soft, hot skin. I smiled as Jane's breath hitched, "Maur." She reached back, slowly covering my hand and removing it from under her shirt. "I don't hate what you're doing, I just have to keep my focus on keeping you safe. And it's really hard to focus on that when you're touching me like that." She cleared her throat, stepping back but still holding onto my hand. She looked at me, her eyes a darker shade of brown. "I love you, and I have to keep you safe. When this is over, I promise…" She paused, swallowing hard. Jane never finished her thought, she just awkwardly pointed to the path. "Let's um…walk."

I nodded, following her. I was starting to realize that Jane was very uncomfortable when it came to intimacy. It could be that I was in a precarious state of selective amnesia. I couldn't help it, my feelings for Jane were incredibly strong and the only time I felt whole was when I was touching her. It was the only time the world stop spinning, and I didn't feel weak.

Jane looked back at me, "Maura, stop over thinking it. It's not you. I want nothing more than to lock us up and whittle away at this incredible tension between us. But duty first. I've lost my focus more than once and it turned into a disaster." She tilted her head down, walking us slowly back towards the house.

I nodded, "You won't lose me, Jane."

I watched as her jaw clenched, "I hope so, Maura."

In her tone I heard more, and it scared me.

* * *

 **Jane**

Maura was passed out. Her head in my lap, a hand clutching to my leg like it was a safety blanket. I chuckled, flipping through channels on the TV above the fireplace. Maura went out like a light the second we sat down with snacks, a cozy fire and a thick blanket. The walk had taken a lot out of her. I ran a hand over her soft hair, smiling at the soft snore she let out. If only everyday could be like this. Maura wearing my old tshirts, snuggled up against me and not worrying about anything other than what we would eat when she woke up.

Reality was, it wasn't. Holton was hiding in the gutters and it was a matter of time before he found us.

I chewed on my bottom lip, watching some odd English baking show. I felt guilty about ignoring Maura's questions about my scars. I should've told her, but I was horribly embarrassed by the unique collection of stories my body carried. The scar where I shot myself to save others. The scars of Hoyt, the stabbings, the shootings, and the surgery scars from all of the stupid shit I've done as a cop. I didn't want to tell her. I was afraid they would trigger the bad memories and scare her back into oblivion. Maura had sat at my hospital bed more times than any woman should. There truly was only one scar that I would keep forever and remember with a smile. I called it Maura's scar and I got it shoveling her snow last winter. She came out in her stupid high heels to check on me and slipped. I rushed to her side, catching her in time, but sacrificing my own body. I landed on my back, catching the edge of her fancy wrought iron art piece she kept by her side door. It stuck me and hurt like a bitch.

Maura fell on top of me, her face right in mine and when I looked up, her hazel eyes were boring into mine. Straight to my soul and it was as if she reached down into my chest and took my heart, claiming it as her. She stared at my lips and the air thickened between us. She bent forward as if to kiss me and I wasn't go to fight it, even if I was impaled and probably bleeding out. Three millimeters before our lips met, ma came screaming around the corner. She saw the blood and went ape shit. Maura jumped off of me like lighting had struck her ass and ran to get her medical bag.

I went to the hospital for stitches. Maura sat at my bedside apologizing and all I could do is stare and curse the gods for giving ma her weird sixth sense about her kids getting hurt.

Things grew tense between us, slowly and steadily until it all went to hell. Like a slow sinkhole.

I wasn't sure why I didn't tell her when she asked. Probably because as she asked about my scars, Holton's voice rang in my head. His eerie question of if I was willing to die for her or with her. My scars were badges of honor in terms of what I would do for those I love. A sobering reminder that I couldn't slip up. Especially when it came to Maura. I had too much to repent for when it came to her. I rolled my eyes, god damn catholic guilt.

Maura shifted, sighing softly as she snuggled deeper into my lap. She looked so peaceful when she slept. I ran a finger across her forehead. "I want to do everything with you. Love you. Move in with you, whether it's your fancy townhouse or my shithole of an apartment, I want to live with you. I want to wake up to you judging me for sleeping through all eight of my alarms and dressing in wrinkled clothes to make it to work on time. I want to make you pancakes in the morning after we've made love all night. I want you to know all of my scars and run your hands over them. I want your touch to heal all of my fears." I paused as she let out another sleepy snort. I didn't want her to hear this whispered confession. "I want to marry you and have kids. Adopt them. I'll even adopt a tortoise for you. Just, please give me a little more time. I don't want to die to save you, but I will if it comes to that." My eyes welled up. "Please give me a little more time, then I can promise you. I can promise you the world and do my damn best to give it to you." My feelings were convoluted as more of her memories clicked in. It made it harder to distance myself as I had been trying. I figured if Maura didn't fully remember me, I had less to sacrifice. I huffed, that was a foolish idea.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my free hand, wiping away the few tears that snuck free. My phone beeped on the table next to me, I lifted it to see Frost had sent an email.

 _Jane_

 _I found the court case Holton mentioned. It was one Maura testified in. What sucks is that she identified Holton as a prime witness for the prosecution as the drug manufacture for Rodrigo Varez. She traced all of the chemical components and structures to Holton. He was then pressed by the DEA to testify against Varez in exchange for a plea deal. Varez escaped DEA custody and went after Holton. Killing his entire family. His wife, his parents and his little brother. They called it cartel justice and when Varez was caught, he had evidence on Holton that eliminated the deal he had with the DEA. Maura was called in to testify at Holton's trial, subsequently sending him to prison to rot alone. Varez was sent to a cushy max prison after cutting his own deal with the DEA. Holton linked up with a few gangs in prison, utilizing all of his time in learning how to kill quietly. The books he checked out of the prison library were military history books focusing on special forces. He also took a handful of computer classes and learned how to hack proficiently. He hacked into Maura's personal accounts and online activity. That's how he found her and is able to track her as you move her around._

 _Holton wants Maura dead because he sees it as being double betrayed by her. She took his family and his freedom._

 _I checked out every one of his victims and they're all attached to both trials in one way or another._

 _Jane, Holton is seeking pure unmitigated revenge. Making him a very dangerous man with his skill set and connections. I've reached out to Scotland Yard for assistance. Holton is going to find you and I want to send their tactical unit your way. Give me the word and I can have them there within the hour._

 _Please be safe. This guy is a hundred times more deranged than anything we've ever met._

 _Frost._

My jaw clenched as I dropped the phone back on the table. Holton was a driven psychopath and that was the worst combination. I glanced at Maura, debating when my phone vibrated.

I turned it over, there was a message from an unknown number.

 _Have you thought about my question, Jane? I hope so, because tomorrow night we dance. It wasn't hard to track you once I hacked into the traffic cameras. The black Audi suits you, Jane. Makes you appear almost worthy to sit next to the lovely doctor. You know you're beneath her status? But that's what will make you a formidable foe. Your scrappy and fearless, with nothing to live for when I kill her. Before you say it, the police found something better to entertain themselves with over searching the gutters for a suspect. Wish Maura sweet dreams as they will be her last. XOXO Cooper Holton._

"Sonofabitch." I screen capped the text and sent it to Frost, asking him to give Scotland Yard the heads up, but to move discreetly when I sent the message. I didn't even want to know when they got here, that way Holton couldn't see it on my face. I was afraid if Holton was spooked, I'd lose the upper hand.

I slipped out from under Maura, tucking the blanket under her chin.

I needed to search the house and find the best place to hide her when the time came. This manor would have to become a fortress overnight.

I moved through the stone hallways, thinking one thing.

I would die for her.


	13. Chapter 13

**N: This chapter might be very eh. But it's been a rough couple of weeks with work and having to say goodbye to my dog. But I'm back, writing is a good therapy and since i've been working on a new/old crime fiction, my motivation is back to write. So here i am...**

 **Don't worry, this is a rizzles fiction and they will end up together, but sometimes the road isn't so easy. Read on and enjoy! Like i said, this chapter was hard to write...**

* * *

 **Maura**

I woke up shivering on the couch. I sat up slowly, my body achy but I wasn't as sore as I had been. Smoothing out my hair, I glanced at the dying embers in the fireplace. Jane was missing and by the looks of the lack of fire, she'd been missing for awhile. The TV was still on but muted, leaving me to wonder where Jane had gone. She wouldn't leave my side unless it was for a good reason.

I pushed myself up from the couch, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders as I wobbled towards the kitchen. I listened intently as I walked down the hallway. I didn't hear water running, or any signs of activity. Glancing at the clock above the kitchen sink, I saw it was very early in the morning. The sun was barely rising, casting soft muted slivers of light through the window. It was possible Jane had slipped into bed for a quick nap. She needed her rest and sleeping with a broken body that was always cold wasn't healthy. I knew I was absorbing most of her body heat when we slept, and it would slowly drain her. Never mind the overprotective side of the woman. She wouldn't dare sleep if she knew I was next to her, struggling in the slightest.

Entering the kitchen I found Jane sitting at the island facing the large window over the sink. She had her head in her hands, and it looked as if she was sleeping. I smiled at the sight and shuffled towards her, "Jane?"

She jumped in her seat, spinning around at the sound of my voice. I saw the gun clutched in her hand. "Maura."

My stomach dropped at the sight of the gun. "Jane, is something wrong?"

She shook her head, trying to smile as she reached for me. "I couldn't sleep." She took my hand, guiding me towards her. "Why are you up?"

I smiled, "I was cold and woke up. I thought I'd make a cup of tea and try to go to bed." I sighed at the warmth Jane's hand always brought. "You should come to bed with me. It's still very early."

Jane chuckled, "The good doctor wants to sleep in? I thought I'd never see the day." She squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry for leaving you to get cold. I wanted to check the house one more time." Her smile faded as she dropped my hand. "I'm going to step outside and grab some more wood. How about you get that tea made and I'll meet you in the bedroom? I'll start a fire and we can cuddle up and share stories."

I grinned, nodding. "That sounds lovely." I leaned forward kissing Jane on the corner of her mouth. When I was closer, I saw her heart racing in the vein of her neck. Something was wrong, Jane was always very calm. I leaned back, scanning her face for more clues. All I saw were big brown eyes full of exhaustion. I sadly couldn't remember Jane enough to pick up on her physical cues.

Jane leaned forward, kissing my forehead as she tucked the gun in the back waistband of her pants. "I'll be right back." She slid off the stool, disabled the alarm and slid out the backdoor.

I let out a breath and moved to the stove, preparing the kettle. I would ask her when she came back inside what was wrong. She was tense, but the woman always had a tense edge about her. She was a police detective on the hunt for a mad man. It made sense.

I set the kettle on the stove and went to step away from it to grab the tea, a hand covered my mouth and I was roughly pulled against a body. "Shhh. Dr. Isles. If you yell, I'll cut your throat before you can say goodbye to your love." The voice was low, raspy and male. I closed my eyes as the voice sprung to life the memory of my attack. I felt the cold edge of a knife brush against my cheek. I swallowed hard, tears streaming down my face.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Dr. Isles. It's me. Holton." He rasped against my ear, pulling me roughly away from the stove. "You're doing far better than I expected. I did do my best to beat the life out of you, but you're stronger than I thought." I was yanked harder, a arm sliding around my throat and pressing against it every so often. Making it hard to breathe. I clawed at his arms, but I was far too weak to open a can of coffee let alone fight off an attacker. "Let's go find Jane. I'd like to get this over by breakfast. I have other things to do." He dragged me towards the same door Jane had exited and kicked it open, yelling. "Rizzoli! Come out come out!"

I clung to his arms, fear wracking my body.

* * *

 **Jane**

The loud slap of the back door being kicked open drew all of my attention. I dropped the stack of wood in my arms, and grabbed my gun. I scanned the area, the early morning low light did very little to aid me. My heart dropped to the ground when I heard my name bellowed.

"Rizzoli! Come out come out!"

I ran towards the house, stopping in my tracks at the sight of Maura being dragged towards me. Holton wrapped around her with a knife against her face. I raised my gun, stalking towards him and searching for the perfect shot. "Holton. Let her go. This is between us."

Holton stepped further into the yard, shaking his head. "No, it's between Dr. Isles and I. You're just collateral damage." He turned his head up to the sky, "The air out here is so clean. So fresh. I hate that I'm about to spill blood and pollute this peaceful place."

I kept my eyes on Maura, crying and clawing at Holton's arms. I had to think quickly. I had to distract him and get Maura out of his grip. "Hurting her isn't going to fix anything. It wasn't her fault."

Holton dropped his head, yanking Maura so hard she whimpered. He hissed at me, raising the large knife in his hand. "It's all her fault. She's the reason my family died." He suddenly shoved Maura to the ground. She collapsed to her knees with a cry. Holton stepped over her, stepping on her broken leg and bearing down on it. Maura let out an ear piercing cry. "Drop the gun now, or I slash her throat." He pricked Maura's neck, a thin trail of blood rolling down her pale skin.

My reaction was to run to her. Shoot Holton and save, but even I knew I didn't have enough time to pull the trigger in this position. I raised my hands up, slowly setting the gun on the ground. "Fine."

Holton bent down, grabbing a fistful of hair, pulling Maura's head up. He pressed his knife against her neck. "Don't be a hero, Rizzoli. Her death is inevitable, but not make me rush." He smiled when he saw me stop from running. "Good. You listen. That'll make this easier for all of us." He sighed, "You're probably wondering how I got into the Isles fortress? It's easy if you pay a hacker to shut down the alarm company's mainframe. Disabling not only most of the country, but this protected stone castle you thought would be impenetrable. You meet so many fascinating people when hiding in the gutters." Holton grinned, Then all I h'ad to do was wait. Wait until your humanity took over and you fell asleep. You two are very adorable. The fear she carries, the fear you carry in not being able to protect her." He paused, tapping the edge of the knife against Maura's throat. "When I found out I'd taken all of her important memories when I beat her, I almost wanted to leave her alive. Alive and suffering with the fact she'd never ever remember the one person she loved unconditionally. I took her love away like she took mine." He smiled, shrugging, "Poetic justice, don't you think Jane?"

I clenched my jaw. "Don't do this, Holton. Let her go and walk away. I have no jurisdiction over here, I can't stop you." I was pulling out all of my negotiation skills. "We read your file. We know what happened. Maura would be devastated to know she was the reason why Varez went after you. The evidence. Maura is all about the evidence, she has no personal feelings."

"Bullshit, Jane." Holton hissed again, grinding his foot into Maura so hard she passed out from the pain and hung limply from his grip. "She was calling you the day I attacked her. Calling over and over and leaving you messages about how much she loved you. She was going to you when I interrupted it. She put up very little fight after I hit her twice. I almost killed her if it wasn't for a nicotine addict coming out to steal smoke." He glanced down at the unconscious woman. "I wish she was awake for this, but." He met my eyes and started to draw the knife along her neck. "I heard you have a weakness for knifes, or is it scalpels? You know Hoyt was a cell mate of mine for a week while I was transported between prisons. He talked my ear off about you. I thought a knife would be slow, but I see the joy Hoyt saw. It's very personal this way." He glared at me. "Maura took my family, now I'm going to take hers and her life."

I don't know what happened next, my vision blurred and my adrenaline took over. A trigger inside of myself had been pulled and I went off. This was another game of Hoyt's and I wasn't going to let him win even if I'd put him in the ground years ago.

I charged Holton, tackling him at chest level and pushing him off of Maura. We landed together on the hard ground, me on top of him. I grabbed his hand with the knife and yanked it up, twisting his wrist while landing a hard right hook to the side of his face. I felt bones crack, but didn't let up. Throwing another punch. Holton turned at the last moment, my hand striking the ground. I yelped and flinched, giving Holton the chance to throw a knee into my side.

I fell off of him with a grunt, the wind knocked out of me.

Holton pounced, slashing my thigh with the knife as he scrambled to get up. I felt the blade cut deep, but my adrenaline was so thick, i couldn't feel pain. I kicked Holton hard in the stomach as he crawled to his feet. He fell back, giving me a chance to scoot away. I had to get to my gun.

I rolled to my knees and jumped to my feet, sprinting to where I left the gun. Maura was off to my left, but I didn't dare look at her. I saw blood out of my peripheral, but I knew if I looked at her, I'd collapse, and Holton would win.

I made it the five steps to the gun, and as I bent to pick it up, a sharp hot pain blew through my right shoulder. I screamed out in pain and fell to my knees. Holton landed on top of me, digging a knee into my lower back right over the scar from my shooting. I winced at the pain filling my body as he stabbed me two more times in the back. The blade slicing deep and down to the hilt. In the back of my mind I had a strange gut feeling I wasn't going to survive this.

"You're brave and stupid, Jane. I can see why the doctor has…I mean had…conflicted feelings for you." He grabbed my hair, pulling my head up. His breath was hot against my ear. "Hoyt was right, she is your weakness." He pressed the blade sticky with my own blood against my throat. "Say goodbye Jane."

I wrapped my hand around the gun laying off to the side. Holton was too busy mumbling his insane ravings into my ear, he didn't notice I had the gun. All I had to do was kick up and roll out from under him. Even if I blindly fired, I'd strike Holton. Wounding him enough to give me another opportunity.

I sucked in a few breaths, but it was difficult. My lungs were filling up with blood from the stab wounds on my back. My lungs were punctured, and I was bleeding out. My time to finish this was running out. I closed my eyes, drawing up the last bits of strength I had. When I opened them, I saw Maura laying on the ground. Her eyes closed and blood smearing her beautiful face, but she was still breathing.

I had to fight. I made her a promise. I closed my eyes and kicked as hard as I could, catching Holton in the balls. He grunted and fell off of me. I pulled on the last of my strength and rolled away from him, pointing the gun at his chest. I didn't hesitate and fired twice, each one landing dead center. Holton fell to the ground like a dead log. The blood pooling underneath him.

I fell forward, my hands barley holding me up as I gasped for air. I coughed a few times, spitting out blood. I pushed up to stand but fell back down flat on my face. "Maura. I can't." I whispered the sobs setting free as I stared at the woman. I reached out to her when I heard voices yelling and footsteps crashing through the brush. I laid on the ground sobbing and coughing, praying to whoever to save her first.

I soon felt hands on my body, asking where I was hurt. Men and women wearing swat gear swarmed the yard, rushing to Holton's dead body. I shook my head, "Maura. Maura needs help." I coughed, my mouth filling with blood.

That's when I swore I heard Frost's voice. "Jane, we got her. We need to help you. Fuck. I tired to get the team here as soon as the alarm system went down." He mumbled.

I nodded, slipping into unconscious. "It's okay… just tell her I loved her." I then slipped into the darkness, idly thinking I might actually be able to sleep without nightmares now.

 **XXXX**

The sound of my ma's aggressive snoring woke me up. I blinked a few times and tried to turn my head, but was stopped by the oxygen tube wrapped around my head and stuck in my nose. I swallowed hard, man the cotton mouth was bad. I took in a slow deep breath wincing when it hurt like a bitch. I knew I was in a hospital, the annoying beep of the machine attached to my heart told me so. Let alone I was encased in bandages like a mummy.

"Shit." I rasped the word out, looking over the mess I was.

"Janie? Are you awake?" Ma's face was suddenly hovering over mine.

I squinted at her. "No, I'm not awake." I licked my lips. "Water?"

Ma smothered me in a hug, squeezing me until I cried out in pain. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. I forgot. I'm just so happy you're awake. This wasn't how I imagined my first trip to London to be. Sitting with my daughter in the hospital." She wiped at her cheeks, sniffling.

I blinked a few more times, man these drugs were good. "Ma." Then my heart dropped, and I turned to face ma, fighting the pain of twisting my head. "Maura?"

Ma's face dropped. "She's fine. They released her last week." She cleared her throat and the look on her face told me something was very wrong. She picked up my hand, covering it with both of hers. "We weren't sure about you, Janie. That bastard did a number on you." The tears started to roll again. "Janie, why didn't you…"

I shook my head, "Don't ma. Don't." I grabbed her hand, "Is he…"

"Dead. Yes. The bastard is dead and deep in the ground." Ma placed a hand on my head. Running her fingers through my hair. "You did good Janie."

I sniffled, "I didn't keep her safe." I closed my eyes, seeing Maura screaming in pain as Holton hurt her. "I was stupid."

"You're always stupid, Janie. But it's always for good reasons." She bent down, kissing me on the forehead. "I'm going to get the doctor. I should've told him the second you woke up, but I wanted a moment with you. It's been three weeks since the incident."

I nodded, "I'm sorry."

Ma squeezed my hand once more before leaving the room to find the doctor.

The doctor came back, explaining I'd been on the verge of death. Puncture lungs, severe lacerations and a nicked artery. No one was sure how I survived and I was kept under to alleviate stress on my lungs while I healed. I'd be monitored and released in the next week if I could breathe without pain.

I nodded, half listening like I always did. This wasn't my first rodeo with the brushes of death.

After the doctor and Ma left for the night, I was left alone to flip through English channels and poke at weird English hospital food.

"Goddamnit Jane. I don't think BPD's insurance covers overseas." Frost's soft voice filled the room, making me smile and look at my partner.

"Hey." I held my hand out for him to take. He held it, taking the chair ma vacated hours ago. "What are you doing here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I see your humor hasn't faded." He patted my hand, sighing. "The case is closed on Cooper Holton. Scotland Yard is sharing the case with Boston, but it's closed along with ten different cold cases from Holton's spree." He frowned, glancing at me. "I tried to get you help sooner, but it was hard to find the manor. The security system pings got lost in the mountains and I got the team there too late."

I shook my head, "It's not your fault, Frost. I should've listened to you and had a team waiting." I tried to shrug, but the massive amount of bandages around my body made it impossible. I chewed on the inside of my mouth. "Maura?"

Frost smiled tightly. "She's okay. Well, as okay as you can be. Holton re-broke her leg and tossed her around pretty good. She was here for awhile, but she's back with her mother in London." He looked away from me. His tell that he was hiding something.

"Frost. What is it? Has anyone called to tell her I'm awake?"

He looked up, his brown eyes boring in mine. "Jane, her memory. It took another hit from this attack. Her doctors and her mother felt it was best to let her heal before we um told her everything."

"What does that mean?" I shifted to sit up. "She was starting to remember me. Even if she doesn't, I don't care. I need to see her." I swallowed hard, "I made her a promise."

Frost stood up, jamming his hands into his pocket. "Maura has requested to be alone. Her mind is overwhelmed and she's tired of fighting it." He shrugged, "Her word. Well her words passed onto us by her mother."

I blinked back tears, "No. No. I can't." I began to sob, "I need to see her. I need to know if she's okay. I don't care if I'm completely erased from her mind. I want to see her, then I'll walk away. She won't ever see me again." I looked at Frost, tears rimming his eyes. "Please just tell her that. I have to see her and know Holton or Hoyt didn't win."

Frost furrowed his brow. "Hoyt? What does Hoyt have to do with this? He's been dead for years."

I wiped my face with the back of my hand. "He was a cellmate with Holton. Pure coincidence but in the end it gave Holton an advantage over me. He knew how to manipulate me to get to Maura."

"Fuck." Frost whispered. He huffed, "I'll see what I can do, Jane." He patted my forearm, "I need to leave. The night nurse only gave me ten minutes before she kicked me out. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you before I head home."

I nodded, "Thanks Frost." He went to leave when I called after him. "Wait. How did Ma get here? And how am I getting home? BPD's insurance definitely doesn't cover that."

Frost grinned winking at me. "Mama Isles." He tapped the doorframe and walked out.

I sighed and fell back into the pillow. My heart ached at the thought of Maura not wanting to see me. Maybe I'd finally screwed up so bad, I'd lost her forever. I'd finally been the stupid hero too long and it was costing me everything. I made a mental note to ask the doctor if I could be sent home earlier, if I promised to be transported to a Boston hospital.

I fell asleep a few minutes later after activating my pain killer drip.

 **XXX**

I was dreaming. It was a good dream. I could hear Maura's voice as she talked to me. I couldn't understand what she was saying, I didn't care. It was good to hear her voice. I felt her hand on mine, the warm softness of her skin sending tingles through my entire body. Replacing the constant ache of my wounds, with a welcomed ache of being near her. I could almost hear her breathing and I couldn't hold back. I wanted to look at her, even if it was dream. I opened my eyes, squinting in the low light of my room and turned to find Maura sitting next to me. She looked like an angel by the way the light from the hallway framed her, soaking into her golden blonde hair. "Maur."

She flinched at the sound of my voice, and pulled her hand from mine. "Jane." She reached over turning on the bedside light. The dream was wiped away in the flick of a switch.

I winced at the light, pushing to sit up. Maura was looking away from me, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. I went to reach for them, put she shook her head. "Please, don't."

I swallowed hard. "Okay."

"They're still very sore. I have a minor fracture in the metacarpals of my left hand." Maura fidgeted with the small silver brace on her fingers.

I bit my lip, trying to figure out what to say. "Frost told me you were released last week and have been healing." I cleared my throat, fighting not to ask about her memory.

She nodded. "Yes." She looked up and I saw the line of stitches along her neck. I frowned, biting my lip harder to prevent from crying. When she leaned into the light I saw the fading bruises on her cheeks and I couldn't hold back and let out a small sob.

"Oh god, Maura." I went to reach for her, and she let me run shaky fingers across her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

I watched tears slide down her face as she turned away from my hand. "Maybe I shouldn't have come. Barry told me you were groggy from the medication and just waking up." She pushed up on the arms of the chair, standing up. I went to reach for her again when I saw the large black metal brace around her leg. "I should let you rest."

I shook my head, the tears running wild now. "No, stay. Please god stay, Maura." I sniffled, "Let me have five minutes and then you can walk out. I know you don't remember much about that day and me, but just sit with me for a minute."

Maura swallowed hard, raising her head. Watery hazel eyes met mine, as she rasped. "The scar on your back is from my silly iron art piece. You were shoveling the snow last winter and I came out to check on you in my heels. I slipped on the ice and you caught me. My weight took you down and you impaled yourself. You had to have eight stitches to close up the wound." She smiled tightly, looking at me as a tear ran down her cheek. "I remember everything, Jane. And everything hurts so much." She wiped her face quickly, grabbed the cane next to the bedside table. "I have to go." She limped out of my room, covering her mouth as she sobbed.

I laid in the bed stunned. Shocked and stunned. Maura remembered everything, and my worst fear had come true. She remembered me but she didn't love me like I loved her. Like the way Maura loved me when she had no idea who I was.

I'd lost her all over again.


	14. Chapter 14

**N: there will be an epilogue with a happy ending and what not. I wrote most of this chapter on my phone so forgive the errors. Yeah i know the story took a left turn but sometimes life takes left turns but eventually rights itself. Read on and enjoy!**

 **I'll also be doing an interview next week in the rizzles fanfiction group on facebook where i'll be answering questions and giving away one of my books!**

* * *

 **XXXx**

 **Jane**

 **Three weeks later**

I hated having to lean on ma to walk, but it hurt to breath deeply. I felt like an old lady with ma guiding me up the stairs to Maura's family apartment.

"Do you need to go slower, Janie?" Ma had her arm thrown around me in a vice grip. "These stairs are steep."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm good, Ma. It's a few more and then you can let go. I can turtle it to the bedroom." I looked up and my heart skipped at the sight of Constance opening the door and stepping out. I smiled tightly, taking the last few steps before being greeted By Constance moving to my other side.

"Let me help, Jane." Her voice was soft. a lot like Maura's when she took care of me. Constance slid an arm around my waist, taking on some of my weight from Ma.

I reluctantly allowed her help. I honestly wanted to avoid Constance ever since Maura limped out of my hospital room, but reality was, I had nowhere to go. I couldn't fly for an another few weeks. Something about the air pressure and weak lungs. I also couldn't afford to stay anywhere in the city close to the doctors. I was stuck with the mother of the woman I loved. The same woman who probably hated my entire existence right now but her polite manners kept it from showing. "Thank you, Constance. I will repay you when I get home."

"Oh don't even bother my dear. You owe me nothing. I may actually owe you more than I can provide." Constance's smile faded as she walked me towards the bedroom. "This is the master bedroom. It's the closest to everything you need. The bathroom, the kitchen, the main living area. I've changed the sheets and linens since Maura and I were last here."

I flinched hearing her name and nodded. "Thank you. I'm mobile, slow, but mobile." I let go of Constance and Ma, reaching for the edge of the bed and sliding to sit down and let out a heavy breath of exhaustion.

Ma was fluttering around, fluffing pillows and pulling down the covers. "Your medications will be right by the bed. There's plenty of water and food in the fridge. Constance and I will be right next door if you need anything. I know how much you hate being smothered when you're sick."

I cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward to ease some of the pressure of the bandages on my back. "Next door?"

Constance nodded. "We own the entire floor in this building. Your mother and I will be right across the hall and will check in periodically throughout the day." The older woman studied my face as if she had something to say, but held back.

"Ma. Can you get me a couple bottles of water and check the TV? I'm not sure if they get ESPN over here."

Ma grinned and rushed out of the room. "Sure." She was always excited to cater to her kids, no matter how silly the request.

I waited until ma was out of the room. "What's on your mind, Constance? You do the same nervous polite shifting Maura does."

Constance chuckled, tipping her head down. "She is my daughter." She took one step forward, "I never got to say thank you for everything you've done for Maura. You saved her life and I will always be in your debt for that. I should've said it on one of my many visits to you in the hospital, but your mother is very…"

"Annoying? Overbearing? Smothering?" I smirked before running a hand through my very dirty hair. Sponge baths in the hospital did very little to make me feel clean. "I didn't save her life. He found her. He hurt her. It was my fault that happened. She got her memory back and remembered I'm no good for her." I cleared my throat of the lump forming. "She can do better without me. I love her, but I can let her go to keep her safe." I glanced at Constance. "She came to my room one night. I saw the hurt, the pain." I paused, shrugging. "It is what it is. I need to get better and go home."

Constance knelt to be eye level with me, resting a hand on my knee. "Maura has never been good at processing the social emotional aspects of life. I blame my poor parenting in that arena." She squeezed my knee, "My daughter loves you implicitly. Before her incident, and now. Her love for you is so consuming it's a lot for her intellect to digest into bits that will make sense. Give her time. Her memory coming back was like a dam breaking, mingling with her new memories of you two. Needless to say, my daughter is lost." Constance smiled and stood up. "Please, Jane, never say you didn't do anything than your absolute best. You protected her. You saved her. You love her everyday you breathe. For that alone, you will always be a part of the Isles family. You've given my daughter aspects of life I could never teach her."

My eyes welled up at the unsual outpouring of warmth from Maura's mother. It left me speechless. "Thank you." I rasped the words out just as ma ran in with bottles of water and a bowl of grapes.

"I got you water and grapes. The doctors all said you need to stay hydrated." She dumped her goods on the bedside table. "The TV is all set up. I found all your sport channels." She then picked up a bottle of my drugs. "Here, you need to take these and good to bed. You need your rest!"

I shot Constance a look that made her laugh. "Thanks Ma."

Constance smoothed out her sweater, reaching for Ma. "Angela, we should let Jane settle in. We can check on her around dinner."

Ma smiled nervously, "Okay." She squinted at me, "Don't do anything you're not supposed to. Pick up the phone and call next door. I left the number tucked under the TV remotes." She bent over, kissing the top of my head. "I love you, Janie."

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time since we left the hospital. "Love you too."

The second my two moms left the room, I crawled into the bed and took my meds. I laid against the pillows and pulled the softest sheets ever over my tired body. I closed my eyes, thinking over what Constance said. Time. I'd have to give Maura time. It'd probably be easier to let her go than sit on my hands patiently waiting for her to process. I know what I did, and it destroyed Maura along with breaking all of the promises I made her in the recent weeks. I risked my life without thinking about the consequences. I didn't keep Holton away from her. I didn't keep her from getting hurt by him, or me.

I let out a slow sleepy breath. Time. I'd give her time.

But giving her time was going to be hard, especially when theses sheets and the entire apartment smelled like her.

* * *

 **XXXX**

 **Maura**

Avoiding my mother's calls was something I never dared to do in my life. I had manners, I had etiquette lessons, and was raised to respect my parents.

But as I slowly climbed the stairs to mother's flat, I didn't care about any of that. My head was too full of so many other things I didn't need to add more. I was tired, borderline distraught and confused. My heart ached as it pulled me in a direction I wasn't sure I wanted to go.

That's why I rented another flat on the other side of the city to hide in. I couldn't fly home until the morning due to my leg and the thunderstorms rolling into Boston. I'd already packed and just needed to collect a few things I'd forgotten in the flat when Jane…we left in a hurry.

I hesitated a step, my heart pounding at the thought of Jane. I loved Jane. I was in love with Jane for years. I'd fallen for the brash detective three months into our budding friendship. I could remember the exact moment my heart surrendered to her.

It was my birthday and Jane and I were deeply involved in a two homicide case that was proving to be very difficult. Celebrating my birth was the last thing from my mind. I wanted to close the case as much as Jane did.

 _I was sitting at my desk reviewing evidence reports for the fifth time, desperate to find a lead._ _Jane strolled in, her arms behind her back._

 _"Maura, is there something you forgot to tell me?" She cocked an eyebrow._

 _I raised my head in a mild panic. "I don't believe so? I gave Frost all the reports I have and I'm going over my lab work now. I know I keep missing something." I sighed, frustrated with my own inability to solve this case._

 _Jane stepped closer, setting down a white frosted cupcake and a hastily wrapped gift. "Today is your birthday." She glanced at the clock. "Well it was your birthday. It's now midnight."_

 _I stared at the items. "Jane. How did you do this? Everything has to be closed by now."_

 _She shrugged as she lit the red birthday candle. "Senior Criminalist Chang let it slip when she dropped off the reports I requested. Said something about being nervous to wish her new boss a happy birthday." Jane held the cupcake up, "This was the best I could do on short notice. I stole it from Ma and her baked goods cart."_

 _I knew I was blushing as I blew out the candles. "Thank you Jane." I gingerly took the cupcake and stood still, unsure what to do next. I never had a friend do anything for my birthday. I honestly stopped celebrating birthdays in college._

 _Jane picked up the square gift and held it out. "This I had to run home and get. That's why it looks like a raccoon wrapped it."_

 _I smiled setting the cupcake down like it was made of glass, and took the gift. "Jane. This isn't necessary. It's just a birthday. And it already technically did pass." I ran a finger along the edge of the paper, peeling it back to reveal a very very old book. Once I saw the cover I almost dropped the book. "Jane this is a first edition of Pancoast's operative surgery! Its incredibly rare!"_

 _Jane chuckled walking to where I stood. "Yeah. I've had it for years. My great aunt Slyvana hoarded books and when she died, I got all the super weird crime and death ones. My brother's have a sense of humor when it comes to my job." She leaned over, brushing my shoulder as she wiped dust off the cover. Her skin was so warm against mine. I had to swallow hard at the closeness and the incredible thought behind her gift. My attraction to Jane was full blown and I was fighting my feelings for her._

 _Jane turned grinning my way, "It sat on my shelf for years until I met the perfectly awkward medical examiner and best friend who would love it." She laid her hand on my forearm, giving me the shivers. "Happy birthday Maur." She then leaned over, kissing the top of my head._

 _I was so overcome with emotions, I could only smile and whisper a thank you as I hugged her. Falling even faster for the woman in my arms._

I stood outside the flat door, digging for the keys. I fell in love Jane that night and everyday after. Smothering my feelings as she projected I wasn't her type or her feelings weren't in line with mine. I was supportive during her failed relationships, hoping. I even dated trying to force my heart to accept Jane would never feel anything past friends.

Then the blowout in my office happened. Jane spilling her heart like a broken paint can. She caught me off guard that day and I tried to chase her, but Jane was exceptional at running from her feelings and from me.

Then I was attacked and everything disappeared for awhile until I woke up in the hospital in London and my mind was flooded with memories. I vividly remembered Holton attacking me, and the pain. I remembered being with Jane and telling her I loved her to her face and asking her out on a date. I remember Holton taking me at the manor and the pain he dealt out to both of us.

I remembered all of it and it physically dropped me to my knees from the overload. And now I was doing my best to compartmentalize, analyze, and digest all of this. I was a range of emotions, one primarily being anger. I was angry with no distinct reason why, but every time I looked at Jane, the anger worsened.

I sighed, unlocking the flat and stepping inside. I just needed to slip in and grab my things and slip out.

I limped through the kitchen, tugging on the large leg brace. I was also eager to get home to Boston and get expert physical therapy for my twice broken leg. The doctor told me heels would be out of the question for years. Giving me motivation to prove him wrong. I loved heels. Jane loved me in heels.

I paused, shaking my head and stepped past the bedroom. I turned to look as I braced a hand against the wall. What I saw made my heart drop.

The wild mane of black hair was spread across the pale grey pillows. My heart did that subtle skip it always did when Jane was near. Even the sight her black hair had a profound effect on me. Her leg was half hanging off the bed as she slept on her stomach. Jane was asleep, her breathing slow and heavy. Restricted by the bandages wrapped around her body. I saw clearly her shirt had ridden up to her mid back, the gauze a glaring reminder of what was under the bandages. Deep muscle lacerations with bruising and two surgeries to clean out the infection from his knife. Then there was the punctured lungs and the arterial nick that almost drained Jane in the ambulance. Jane had truly come a breath away from dying. Closer than all the other times she put herself right into the flames.

I stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the woman who literally and truly held my heart. When Jane shifted and kicked all the blankets off and started to shiver.

The doctor in me kicked in and I limped towards the bed. Cool body temperatures wouldn't aid her healing. Jane needed to be warm, dry, and comfortable for her injuries to heal.

I bent down to pick up the down comforter, shaking it before laying it over Jane when I spotted the thin white scar on her back right over her left hip. I sank to sit on the edge of the bed, my hand moving on it's own. My fingers brushed against the scar and her warm smooth skin, smiling at the memory of this particular scar. Maura's scar as she called it. It was the only scar on her body that made my heart swell with love.

"Cold hands. Why do doctor always have cold hands." Jane mumbled into the pillow, not moving.

I pulled my hand away, pulling her shirt down before I covered her with the blanket. "It's the constant hand washing." I moved to stand up when Jane's hand grabbed my wrist.

Two tired brown eyes met mine, shimmering with tears. "Maur." I knew that look, Jane was scared.

I wanted to run as my mind swam with every single memory I had of us. Pushing hard. All the advice my mother had given me over the last three weeks. All of the advice everyone gave me about our friendship. It muddled with what my logical brain wanted, confusing me.

Jane shifted, rolling onto her side. "You're shaking and have that look of wanting to rush out of the room. So before you do, I love you Maura Isles. I have for a very long time and I'm so sorry for all the promises I broke and not being there." She paused, swallowing hard. "I don't care what happens next. I understand I messed things up so much. But I love you and if you don't love me back. I understand. I can only hope you'll forgive me so we can maybe try to be friends." A single tear rolled free, Jane let go of my hand to wipe it away before tucking herself back under the blankets.

"I almost kissed you that day." I whispered, fighting my own tears. "If it wasn't for Angela rushing out to throw me off of you, I would've kissed you with everything I have." I looked up. "August 7th, 2011."

Jane gave me a look. "Your birthday. I know when you're birthday is. I'd never forget something like that. I forget Frankie's and Tommy's, but never yours. I got you a book about turtles and we went to that human body exhibit at the museum for this last birthday."

I smiled at her ranting. "I know. I actually remember all of that." I took a slow breath, reaching for Jane's hand tucked around the edge of the blanket. "August seventh that year was the day I fell completely in love with Detective Jane Rizzoli. You gave me a vanilla cupcake and the most cherished book in my collection. That was the day you showed me I mattered to someone on a level I never experienced before. You cared to make sure I felt special on such a inconsequential day. And I fell in love."

I sniffled as I wrapped my fingers in hers. "Your hands are always warm." I bent down kissing the top her scar. "I'm scared Jane. I'm scared because it took a maniac to hurt me twice to open my heart fully to you and my mind is fighting my heart, telling me to disconnect until it can process fully." I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks. "Then one look at you and my heart swells in my chest at the memories of kissing you, being held by you and feeling more complete than ever. I was never scared of Holton when you were by my side."

Jane nodded. "Your big dumb brain got in the way again. As much I love it, I kinda hate it." She tugged on my hand, using me as leverage to sit up. "So, you've been in love with me for seven years and eleven months?"

I tipped my head down. "That's what hurt when I saw you. All the time I wasted." I stopped, my emotions boiling up. "I don't know what to do."

I felt myself being pulled into Jane's unique warmth. "You let me love you, Maura. I fell in love with you seven years and eight months ago. I got some ground to make up." She pressed a kiss to my temple. "Please let me love you."

I broke down at her words, curling into her chest as the sobs wracked my body. With each one, I felt more and more weight freed from my shoulders. I knew it would be a struggle as I continued to heal physically and emotionally. The deeper scars working their way to the surface as my anger and fear drifted in. But Jane had as many scars, if not more, than I and she still loved me. I felt it in the way she held me and her heart pounded in her chest.

I sniffled, pressing my hand against that heart, letting each beat settle me. I licked my lips, "Only if you show me how to love you, Jane."

She chuckled, a raspy laugh and leaned back. "Everyday. I'll show you everyday. You hold me hostage in all the best ways and I'm never going to try and fight it anymore. I'm yours Maura Isles."

I looked up into her eyes and finally understood the strange saying. I did indeed see my whole world in her. I smiled, reaching up to wipe away her tears. "I'm yours, Jane Rizzoli." I bent forward and for the first time, kissed Jane as me.

Our first kiss was a million times better than any of the others I remembered.

* * *

 **XXXX Jane**

I don't think anyone in the world was happier than me to be back home in Boston. Even the disgusting smells of city traffic made me smile.

I was home after two months in England. Back in the city I called home.

"I told Frost and the gang to come over tomorrow to say their hellos." Ma fidgeted next to me in the backseat of the car sent by the Isles family. "I already filled the fridge up with your favorites. Vince has Jo for one more day and then she's coming home."

I nodded absently. Not listening to a damn thing she said. She was being her crazy self again even after being away from me for two days. She'd left with Constance to get my homecoming set up. I was grateful for the silence, but it made me miss Maura.

Maura had left a week ago. She had to return to work and sort out the messes made by Pike and testify in a dozen different cold cases attached to Holton.

We were healing together. I would catch glimpses of fear and panic in Maura every so often. I'd make her talk it out, even if it was her yelling at me for my natural born stupidity when it came to my choices. But she was back. We were back and having her remember me and everything, was amazing and scary. We'd been best friends and the transition to more was slow. Both of us nervous. I knew I loved Maura and she was it. I figured that out years ago, I could wait for her. I would wait for us. We agreed to come home and continue working on our friendship relationship. I didn't know what to call us, we definitely weren't friends with benefits. Just friends who kissed a little and held each other whenever we could.

I smiled absently thinking of our goodbye kiss in the flat. I seriously had been cheating myself keeping my feelings hidden. Maura was one hell of a kisser. Better than any man I encountered and probably better than anyone on this planet. The good doctor had skills and I kicked myself. I could only imagine the things we could've done. My mind shifted to picturing those things and I zoned out.

"Janie? Janie? We're home." Ma tapped me on my shoulder, ripping me from a lovely daydream of Maura wearing nothing but my Red Sox Jersey. I rubbed my eyes, I was beat from the flight and ready to collapse in my bed. I knew it would be nothing like the fancy pillow top bed I'd been sleeping on, but it was mine and I missed it.

I yawned, moving to sit up. Ma hopped out the other side, rushing to the trunk. "Ma, you can just bring my bag. I'm going to head straight to bed. I don't care my apartment is probably really dusty and gross being gone so long. I don't care, please don't hover and try to clean." I leaned out the door, half hollering at Ma.

"You should care. Dust can carry a multitude of microbes and residual skin cells with them. When you inhale dust your practically inhaling other people and their waste." Maura's voice was to my back. I spun around to see the woman leaning into the car on my side. Her hair was up and away from her face, giving me the perfect view of her neck and all those freckles I wanted to kiss. Her hazel eyes sparkled when she met mine.

"Maura! I thought you had a body." I grinned taking her offered hand, letting her guide me from the car.

She grabbed my other hand to steady me. "Kent has a body. I took a half day to ensure the cleaners did an immaculate job before I moved you in. My home had been neglected during the time I was gone. And I do care about dust microbes." She helped me step onto the driveway before sliding an arm across my waist.

I swallowed hard at her touch and the smell of her perfume filling the air. Everything about Maura Isles was distracting and I almost missed what she said until I saw Ma taking my bag into Maura's and the pile of boxes next to the trash with Janie's kitchen, Jane's sports memorabilia, and Jane's clothes written in black marker.

I stopped walking. "Wait. Did you say moved me in?" I glanced down, Maura had a shy smirk on her face.

"I did." She nudged me forward. "I had help from your mother and Frankie. It didn't take long to collect your things and bring them over. I already made room for you in the closet and the spare bedroom has plans to be redone as your office." She spoke quickly, a hint of giddiness in her voice.

I scrunched my brow, "Maura."

She stopped quickly, her heels stuttering on the pavement. "Oh I'm sorry. I should've asked and not jumped to conclusions. I just thought this was a good idea. We've been living co-dependently for two months, and you practically lived here when we were friends, it made sense. I want us to work and I can keep monitoring your healing process. Plus your apartment was very dirty." Maura was straight up rambling.

I smiled, pointing at her feet. "I was about to ask when did the doctor clear you to wear those?" I winced at the sight of the pink scar running down the side of her knee, matching the one I'd given her years ago to save her life.

Maura turned a bright red, swallowing nervously. "He didn't. I have two more weeks of therapy before I can move to a low wide heel." She turned a brighter red. "I wore them for you. It's your favorite pair." Her voice dropped and she tipped her head away. "I can have your brother move your things back this week."

I turned to face Maura, cupping her face with my hands and lifted her beautiful face. When her hazel eyes met mine, I grinned. "I did move in a long time ago. I realize when I went to back for England. All my crap was at your house. Even my favorite coffee mugs are neatly arranged in your cupboard." I ran my thumb over her cheek. "I sleep better next to you. So if you're asking me to move in, yes."

Maura's grin exploded across her face, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, bending down to kiss her deeply. Smiling against her mouth as her hands found my hips and she moaned into my mouth. I parted just enough to whisper, "Yes." I returned to kissing the woman senseless, laughing as she kicked off her heels and stood on her tip toes.

Now I was finally home.


	15. Chapter 15

**N: this is what it is. I've been very busy trying to get my detective series completed and out to print, so this story fell to the wayside and was worked on in bits and pieces. There will be one more update before i check this one as complete. I might do another rizzles based off the movie Her, but that's down the road a bit. Read on and enjoy! I know there's no smut, but smut takes forever to write and write well...sooooo**

 **Okay! Read on and if you want more, i have books on Amazon under Sydney Gibson that will make great back to school reads!**

* * *

 **Maura**

"You're fine. You know everyone here. They're friends. No need to be nervous." I mumbled to myself as I walked through the back entrance to the morgue. Today was my first official day back after three months of medical leave and I was petrified.

I shifted my bag in my hands, nervously fidgeting. I could do this. I could go back to work and see all of my friends, coworker's. I could go back to normal like Jane said.

I smiled at the thought of Jane. My Jane. Every time I said that, thought it, my heart would skip, and I'd grin like a fool.

I walked into the morgue and thankfully found it to be empty and clean. I moved to my office and grinned at the large bouquet of flowers sitting on the desk. They were my favorite, lilies and I knew who they were from. I set my bag down and reached for the card.

You're amazing and I love you. Jane.

I grinned, pressing the card against my heart. I wanted to run upstairs, find Jane and kiss her senseless. But I knew that would embarrass her and we were still trying to keep our relationship quiet. The entire ordeal with Holton had created enough press and unwanted attention, we didn't need to add more. I also really liked keeping things secret. It made coming home to Jane ten times better.

I sat in my chair and turned on the computer. I had a stack of files on my desk that needed to be reviewed. I'd been able to work from home as I continued to heal, but Kent had done the heavy lifting.

I let out a slow steady breath. Six months was a long time to be away from anything, let alone work. The social dynamic would be different. I was different. Would anyone notice?

My brain started dissecting at a rapid pace and I felt like I did on my very first day here, but less confident. I bit my lip, reaching for my phone when I saw a message waiting.

Maur. You're fine. Tell that big brain to settle its ass.

I chuckled. Jane really did know me through and through. And I her. Gaining my full memory of her and adding the freedom of not hiding my feelings, was incredible. Granted we had a few missteps as we adjusted to being more than friends. Jane was very nervous about public displays and intimacy.

I smirked, thinking about our first night together a few weeks ago. Jane may have called herself inexperienced, but I begged to differ. I'd never had a lover like her. I shifted in my seat as vivid memories surfaced.

"oh shoot, you're early or I'm super late." Susie Chang stood in my doorway holding a large orchid and a silly balloon of a bear dressed as a doctor. She had her usual panicked look. I watched her eyes run over my outfit. I was still very thin, but not as bad as I once was. Thanks to some healthy Italian cooking and love, I regained most of my weight and grew a dangerous love of pistachio gelato.

I stood up, smoothing out my skirt. A nervous habit of mine. "I'm early, Susie. I thought it best to get here and avoid…" I paused.

"The welcome wagon? I get it, Dr. Isles." She smiled, setting down the flower and bear on my coffee table. "I've told the staff to go easy and not barge in with welcomes. Detective Rizzoli put me in charge and to be honest, she scares me." Susie huffed, "It's great to have you back, you've been missed."

"It's good to be back." I pointed at the balloon, "Thank you and tell the staff thank you. I received many of their well wishes."

Susie suddenly rushed forward, enveloping me in an awkward embrace. "I'm really glad you're okay, Maura." She whispered around tears before letting me go and rushing out of the room. Leaving me to stand in awkward silence. A wave of anxiety struck and I began to fidget with my fingers. I turned away from the door, taking calming breathes. I could do this. People will ask about my incident and the incidents that followed. Jane warned me of this. I closed my eyes.

"You wore the outfit I laid out for you." Jane's raspy voice calmed me immediately. "I'm going to take this as a huge win." She stood behind me, laying her hands on my shoulders and squeezing. "I ran into Chang scurrying out of here like her ass was on fire."

"Language, Jane. And your selection was perfect for today. A simple blue dress long enough to cover my legs." I sighed. I was healed but the scars would take a little longer to fade and I was incredibly self-conscious of them. I leaned into her touch. "How long can I hide down here?"

"Not long. Dispatch called, there's a body in the park. They were going to call in Kent, but I told them you were back and I'd check if you wanted first dibs." Jane gently turned me around, searching my face. "You ready?"

I swallowed hard nodding. "I think so. I have to jump back in to my old routine." I twisted my fingers.

Jane covered my hands with hers. "You can do whatever you like. But the boys would love to see you. They've missed how well you wrangle me at work. Frost claims I'm unruly and Korsak straight up calls me a crab ass."

I wound my fingers in hers, "You do tend to be moody when you're tired. You came back to work faster than recommended." I glanced at her brown eyes.

Jane shrugged, "I've had worse and come back later that night. Plus I had to jump back into my old routine before I retired and forced you to retire with me." Jane brushed a piece of hair from my face. "I like our routine we had. Even the shopping."

I grinned. Jane had endured a whole week of shopping when it was revealed my entire wardrobe was destroyed. She did manage to slip in a few Red Sox t-shirts and talked me into a pair of converse. "And you were rewarded handsomely." I chuckled at the thick blush creeping up her neck.

"Um, so you want to go look at a dead body with me?" Jane peered up through her eyelashes.

I nodded slowly. She went to step away when I gripped her hand. "Wait, will you have dinner with me tonight? Our first date after our first day at work together?"

Jane grinned, "I think we've moved way past that." She winked, "I think we're supposed to have a date before we get naked."

It was my turn to blush, "Everything about us is backwards, Jane." I stepped closer, "I asked you out and I intend to follow through."

Jane kissed my cheek, "Then it's a date." She motioned for me to follow her, "Let's go. It's time to go be superheros once again." I squeezed her hand before letting it go. I knew I'd have a rough time with this first scene, but if Jane was near, I could do anything.

I'd already done it all to be with her.

* * *

 **XXXXX Jane**

"So, is Maura good?" Frost stared at me over the top of his monitor. Our case was paused while we waiting for the lab and Maura to process the body.

I ran a hand through my hair, "Yeah. She had one tiny freak out in the car on the way back to the morgue, but recovered. She got better as her staff trickled in and said their hellos." I propped my chin up on a hand. "The woman is a force of nature. She's stronger than anyone I know."

Frost chuckled, "Because she has you. You two literally compliment each other." He leaned back in his chair, "How about you? You were freaking the hell out this morning. Have you taken the time to settle down?"

I shrugged. "Eh. It is what it is. I talked to the therapist, went to therapy with Maura and all that jazz. I think my mind and body has just adjusted to my life and the monsters I walk with." I rolled my shoulders, feeling the skin tug at my healing scars. "Plus what's two more scars?"

Frost shook his head, "Really, Jane, are you good? We haven't really talked since you came home. Talked talked."

I sighed. "I'm really good, Frost. It's really weird to say it after everything, but everything dark was thrown away the second Maura opened that car door and told me her home was mine. You know that ridiculous saying love heals all wounds or some bullshit like that? It's true. I love Maura wholly. She is literally the other half of my heart and finally having her, it fused every crack I ever carried. She loves me no matter what, even when she had amnesia, she loved me." I smiled like an idiot. "And I love her."

Frost rolled his eyes laughing, "The great Jane Rizzoli has become a marshmallow."

I grimaced before leaning across my desk so only Frost would hear me. "You would too if you ever saw Dr. Isles in nothing but her lab coat." I winked at him as his mouth gaped open.

"No. She didn't?"

I winked, "Maybe she did, maybe she did." I stood up, "I'm going to get some coffee, you want some or?"

Frost swallowed hard, shaking his head. "You're one lucky son of a bitch, Jane."

I nodded and glanced at the clock, "I am, and I have to go. I have a date."

"Yes, you do." Maura's heels clicked on the tile as she entered the bullpen. She held up a thin envelope. "I have the autopsy report and lab results. Cause of death was chemical asphyxiation from the apparent methamphetamine lab the victim's brother was running in her basement. Her lungs are filled with a strong mixture of acetone and ammonia. Susie ran the blood tox screen, you have enough to arrest the brother on involuntary manslaughter." She turned to me, her eyes lighting up. "I believe this closes the case?" She twisted her watch, "Just in time for our dinner reservations."

Frost took the envelope, waving us both off and refusing to look at Maura. I chuckled and grabbed my jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow Frost?" I turned to Maura, "Oh, remind me to pick up your lab coats from the dry cleaner, Maura."

Frost groaned and buried his head in the file. "Goodnight Jane, Dr. Isles."

I laughed when Maura walked over to Frost and pulled him into a giant hug. "Thank you so much Barry for everything you did for me and Jane." Maura blinked back tears, and whispered, "If Jane doesn't ask you to be her best man, I'm calling claim."

Frost grinned, "It's calling dibs, Maura." He leaned out of her arms, "You don't have to thank me, I did what I did because your family." He glanced at me, "And you keep Jane's crankiness to a bearable level." He waved us off, "Get out of her and have a drink for me."

I stepped next to Maura, linking my hand in hers. I no longer cared who saw us, we'd been outed an hour after I killed Holton. Cavanaugh also threatened career ending write ups if anyone dared to make an inappropriate comment. Then benefits of having your boss date your Ma, he becomes family and defends family. I looked at Maura delicately wiping tears away, "Shall we?"

She nodded, sniffling and squeezing my hand.

* * *

"Maura, I thought we were going out to a restaurant near your house. Not out of the country." I squinted out the window of the Isles family jet. "Where are you taking me?"

Maura leaned into my side. "I told you I wanted to take you somewhere important for our first date." She kissed my cheek, "It's in London."

"Only you would go back to work on a Friday. Why couldn't you wait until next week?"

"I was cleared on Thursday and it made sense. I've been very eager to get back into my routine." Maura picked up my hand. "I'm also very tired from today. The weekend will allow me to reset my schedule and get the proper rest." She ran a finger over my knuckles.

I shook my head, "So you take me to London? That's not very restful and it isn't helping my constant desire to run away and take you with me. We could go buy a castle, well maybe I could make you a sand castle. You could write your novels and I could watch you write them." I chuckled at the tiny pinch I received. I leaned forward, kissing her solidly on the lips. "I love you, I think I forgot to say that today."

Maura blushed, "I love you too, Jane." She closed her eyes. "Today wasn't as strenuous as I expected. Susie did a wonderful job wrangling, as you call it."

I laughed, "That girl is devoted to you. I think if you were a queen, she'd swear fealty to you." Maura gave me a weird look. "What? I might have started paying attention to all your weird shows and documentaries. Who knew you were such a fantasy nerd." I ran my thumb over her fingers.

"I ran out of books and medical journals to read. It was Frankie who turned me on to that show. He was watching it when it was his turn to watch over me. I got hooked and then he gave me the books." Maura raised her eyebrows. "You know I've never read a fantasy fiction novel before? It's been science, medical or biographies! The world painted in those books, incredible and stimulating."

I frowned. "Please don't ever use the phrase Frankie turned me on ever again. It grosses me out and makes me jealous."

Maura swatted my arm. "It was one innocent kiss and all it did was make me want to kiss you more." She leaned over, kissing my cheek. "And I have no desire to see him naked as much as I do with you."

I blushed, shaking my head. "I don't put out on the first date, Doctor."I squeezed her hand as the pilot came overhead. Letting us know we were about to land.

Maura winked, "I have scientific evidence that proves otherwise." She moved away, releasing my hand. "But I will honor you virtuous ways."

I groaned. Me and my stupid humor. I pouted at Maura. She only smiled and shook her head. "My hands will remain to myself until the second date." She tapped my seat belt, "Buckle in Jane, we're landing."

I groaned again, pouting even deeper. I really had shot myself in the ass. Maura cuddles and kisses were my favorite and I never wanted to go without.

* * *

"Uh, Maura. I'm not a giant history nerd like you, but why does this place seem really familiar?" I walked with Maura through elegant gardens with a massive castle surrounding us. I pulled my coat closer, shoving my hands into my pockets. I guess not putting out also meant not holding Maura's warm hand.

"This castle has been the backdrop of many films, shows, and books. Including that new show you forced us to watch when you moved in." She smiled over her scarf, then pointed to a small staircase leading up to a long stone wall. "This way."

I shrugged, "I was flipping through it, remembered your mom is best friends with Prince Phillip and I got hooked. It didn't hurt the entire cast was easy on the eyes. Plus it got me really into reading about the Queen. See, shows sometimes lead to learning, against your medical opinion." I squinted as I made out a butler standing with a silver tray. My stomach roared with hunger and I prayed he had snacks on that thing.

"Jane, my medical opinion doesn't have a thing to do with fictional shows based on reality. I just didn't like that you ate all junk food when we watched the show." She laughed as we slowly walked up the stairs. "Salt and sugar doesn't aid the healing process."

I looked at her, grabbing her elbow to help her up the stairs in her ridiculous heels. "I could say something about your heels not aiding the healing process, but I do love when you wear them." I grinned when her hazel eyes met mine. I had to look away when the urge to kiss her overwhelmed me, that's when the far turret caught my eye. Then it all clicked and I froze in my steps. "Oh my god, Maura. This isn't…"

She grinned, tugging my coat sleeve. "Windsor castle, yes it is." She motioned to the butler standing still. "There's hot chocolate and fresh scones up there. I heard your stomach growl and I know you're hungry."

I looked incredulously at my girlfriend, "I thought we were going somewhere special to you for our first date. This is Windsor castle, the Queen lives here. I half expected the creepy surgical museum, or something with weird dead things. A place where baby Maura learned to love the dead." I reached for her hand, sighing internally when her warm palm slid against mine. "Plus, how did you get us in here? And just in general tell me what the heck is going on."

Maura walked us up the rest of the stairs. She smiled at the butler, "Please set the tray over there, we won't need anything else. Thank you, Hamish." I winced when she moved away, her hands slipping from mine.

He smiled, "Of course, Dr. Isles. The prince has instructed that whatever you may need, we are at your service." He pushed up his cuff, "Everything is arranged inside for dinner when you're ready. The guest house is also prepared with your things." He bowed slightly, "Enjoy your stay Dr. Isles, Detective Rizzoli."

I stared as he walked away, still confused and slowly putting the pieces together. "When you lost your memory, was it replaced by ones from the show? Or are you secretly a princess?" I glanced at her, walking towards me with a steaming mug. "I would've been happy with a fancy vegan meal at that one place you love in Back Bay."

"That will be our fourth date." She pressed the warm mug in my hands. "I brought you here, Jane, because this is still the one place in the world where I can come when things bear down. It's my reset place, my miniature fortress of solitutde."

I laughed, winking at her. "I knew you were paying attention during that superman marathon." I sipped the chocolate, moaning at the rich warmth. "Shit, this is good."

"Langauge, Jane." She motioned for me to stand next to her at the stone wall. "It's the Queen's personal recipe, it's eighty percent pure chocolate." She leaned on the edge of the wall. "When my mother was painting the Prince's portrait, I would sit in the far corner reading whatever text I'd found that week. Then one Saturday I finished the book and quietly left the room in search of my mother's bag. I'd stuff an extra book in her bag." She tipped her chin up, the ambient light from the castle cast shadows across her face, making her stunning. "I got lost and ended up here. I was quickly mesmerized by the view, the fog clutching to the trees like they were best friends. I barely saw the peaks of churches and other castles in the far distance, and I was taken out of my reality. A reality where I was an outsider. Too smart for her classmates to understand, too strange for the teachers to want to know, too unfamiliar to gain the affection of my parents. I've always been painfully aware of how I'm a square peg trying into the round ways of the world. Out here, I found a peace within the thick fog and the height I stood over the world. I was separated and couldn't be judged. For a year, I'd spend as much time out here, dreaming. Dreaming of a time when I'd find my place and as an adult, someone to share my place with." She turned to looked at me, her hazel eyes glassy. "I came here even after I started as the Chief Medical Examiner. Trying to find my place in a new world. Then you came along, and you became my new castle in the fog."

She held out her hand, I took it stepping closer to her. "When I couldn't remember who you were, I could only picture bringing you here. You were the only thing in that new fog that made sense, Jane. Then my memories came flooding back, and I became scared. I came here to think, and the fog separated, the sun shone through and in the minute I wished you were standing next to me to see it." She turned to face me, sliding her arms around my waist. "I wanted to take you here and tell you, thank you for giving me a new world where I can be me in. I love you, Jane. I love the way you love me and accept every single oddity I am. I never want to forget you again." She leaned forward resting her head against my heart, smiling. "I love that I can make your heart do that. Skip beats before falling into a rapid heart rate."

I kissed the top of her head. My heart was racing, and I was having a hard time holding back tears. Happy tears. "You've always done that, Maura. Always will." I looked out onto the view in front of us. "This is incredible Maura, thank you for sharing it with me."

"Thank you, Jane. For everything. You're my best friend and the love of my life." Maura looked up, standing on her tip toes to kiss me softly. "I know this is a strange first date." She laid a hand against my jaw.

I chuckled, "It's perfect for us." I kissed her back just as my stomach growled in jealousy for being ignored. Maura laughed, parting from the kiss to press a hand against my stomach. "And this might be the best first date I've ever been on. Everyone else would take me to a local bar, try and booze me up, and then pull out all the stops to get into my pants." I grabbed her hands, "No ones ever given me a secret piece of themselves to hold. I'll promise to take care of you and never let you feel alone in this world, Maura."

Maura sniffled and smiled as my stomach groaned in protest. "We should go inside and eat." She stepped away, I covered her hand on my stomach.

"I agree." I leaned over her shoulder, snatching a scone and shoving it in my mouth. Earning a dirty look form Maura. I shrugged, "What? Not like the Queen is watching."

Maura cocked an eyebrow, "Actually." She nodded towards the far tower with the royal flagging flicking in the gentle breeze. She laughed when my jaw dropped open and tugged me to follow her. "Let's go inside before you embarrass me even more."

I wiped the back of my mouth with my hand, brushing away crumbs. "Oh honey, I hate to tell you but your in for a lifetime of disappointment. I'm going to do my best to embarrass you for the rest of our lives." I chuckled as I sloppily kissed the side of her cheek.

Maura leaned into me, "Then I look forward to forever."

* * *

XXX

 **Maura**

Jane was asleep next to me, sleeping heavily on her stomach. The sheets had slid down to her waist, leaving her bare back to be exposed. I smiled, Jane's first date rule didn't last very long. It did take a bit of convincing that it was okay to indulge in extracurricular activities. The guest room was only ever used my close friends of the family and on the opposite side of the castle. We were virtually alone. I smirked at the memory of Jane putting up a small fight until I kissed the one spot on the side of her neck, all restraint went out the window.

I reached over, running my fingers over her warm skin. It was smooth, warm and even though it was littered with scars, it was perfect. Perfect because it was Jane. My Jane.

I ran my fingers over her healing scars from Holton's attack. She had two and they were spaced and angled in such a way that they reminded me of wings. Jane was my guardian angel and no one could tell me otherwise. She was the shadow of protection always hovering around me.

I leaned forward, pressing a kiss on the edge of her shoulder before resting my chin in the same spot. I owed Jane my life a thousand times over and I would spend the rest of my life proving I was worthy of her love. Worthy of her protection. After all the monsters that chased us, pushed us to the edge, we always survived and came back home to one another.

I looked across the room at my suitcase. In the far bottom corner sat a small blue velvet box. Inside that small box sat a platinum band with rubies inset. An unconventional ring for asking one to marry with, but everything about us was unconventional. I sighed, moving my hand down to Jane's lower back. I wanted to propose to her on this date, but was too frightened to follow through. Jane and I just got to the point where we were both almost fully healed. I was ten pounds away from my old weight, and could walk in heels with a minimal limp. Jane was back to normal with less nightmares than normal. I attributed that to her death grip on me when we went to bed.

I forwent my idea to ask her to marry me because it felt like I was rushing and not savoring. I'd barely had Jane like I always wanted her for years, for a month. We were still learning this new level of us and I was scared if I rushed it, it would fail.

I pressed my cheek against Jane's shoulder, "Patience, Maura. Patience."

"I'm okay if you want to take advantage of me in my sleep if you're that impatient." Jane's raspy voice made me smile. She rolled over to face me, a sleepy grin on her face. "Hey beautiful."

I blushed, tipping my chin down. "Hi."

Jane brushed hair from my face, her eyes roaming over my naked state. "You know, if I ever saw you naked back in the day, I probably would have thrown all of my sensibility out the window and either asked you out or kissed you. Risking everything." She ran a hand down my collarbone, over my breast to rest right under the swell.

I covered her hand with mine. "I had a difficult time when I saw you partially naked in my lab." I leaned forward kissing her soundly. "It's very late, go back to sleep."

"I was, until I felt your fingers roaming." Jane blinked, and scooted closer, her hand moving up to cup my breast.

I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Every time you touch my scars, it reminds me to keep living. Keep fighting. So I can come home to you." Jane kissed me deeply. "You've been thinking." She motioned to my forehead. "You have your thinking lines."

I shook my head, "It's nothing."

Jane cocked an eyebrow, "It's never nothing, but I'm too tired ask more questions." She pressed the length of her body against mine. "Whatever it is, you'll figure it out. Just as long as you're not figuring our a way to propose to me in front of the Queen in the morning."

I forced a smile, running my hands over her back. "No, not in front of the Queen." I fudged the truth.

"Good." Jane kissed me again, her hands covering my breast and squeezing. "I'd hate if you asked me to marry you first."

I went to dissect her words but was distracted by a warm hand moving further down my body.

"Oh god, Jane." I rasped the words out, feeling her smirk against my mouth.

"God Save the Queen." Jane chuckled before rolling me on my back.

I clutched to her shoulders, losing all thought under her ministrations. The last thought I had before Jane clouded my entire mind was, I wanted to marry this woman.

And I would.


	16. Chapter 16

**N: Short one to wrap this up. I might come here and there and add to it, but i wanted a simple happy ending and that's what i've done. Enjoy and thank you for reading! I'm hoping to be back with a new rizzles story when i complete my detective novel in the next couple of months. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **One year later**

 **Jane**

"Frost, why didn't we pick normal jobs where we worked days and had weekends off?" I shuffled my feet, blowing warm air into my hands. "And ones that didn't have us standing in the middle of winter looking at frozen dead body."

Frost audibly swallowed hard, "Jane, can we not talk about the body? I'm trying not to puke after Korsak called it a meat popsicle." He stood next to me, facing the other way. "And to answer your question. Because we love this shit and wouldn't have it any other way." He grinned, burying his face in a thick scarf.

I chuckled, "True. But I'd like to have a normal schedule." My eyes drifted to the sight of Maura's car pulling up behind the coroner's van.

"She doesn't have a normal schedule either. and without this job, you two would've never met." Frost turned around. "What's it been, eight months?"

"One year as of tomorrow." I bit my lip, smiling as Maura elegantly stepped out of her car, looking like a winter runway model. "Best year of my life and I think the first one since we met that I didn't end up in the hospital for doing something real stupid." It had been a great year. No maniac killers were hunting me or Maura. We had bodies, but nothing that took us deep into the pits of darkness like Hoyt, Holton and the others. We were still healing and learning how to navigate a life together. Ma was pushing every three minutes of when I was going to make it official and put a ring on it. She'd even go so far as to leave bridal magazines in the bathroom along with reading material about adoption or IVF. Ma wanted her grandkids and her doctor daughter in law. Secretly, I was also gunning to start a new life with Maura. Daydream constantly at my desk of calling her my wife, and once Frost caught me writing out different variations of my last name with Isles. He teased me incessantly until I held his robot action figure over the garbage disposal, promising he'd never say a thing about my girlish moment.

There'd been a million moments where I almost asked her to marry me, but sucked it back at the last second. It was a god damn miracle I hadn't screwed this relationship up, and I was still scared I would. No matter how much I loved Maura Isles more than the air I breathed. I huffed, sniffling a runny nose. I just wanted to go back home, crawl in bed with Maura and snuggle my thoughts into oblivion.

"It's been a great year for the rest of us. Long gone is Rizzoli the crab. Replaced by Rizzoli the grump when Maura is at a conference and you miss her." Frost giggled and stepped out of the way of my punch. "Frankie told me you went ring shopping last weekend."

I nodded, my eyes locked on the love of my life. "Yeah, but don't say anything. I still don't know if it's the right time." I stepped forward as Maura smiled our way and knelt next to the frozen body. "Everything is so perfect, I'm afraid to fuck it up."

Frost shook his head, "When you think like that, it usually ends up all fucked up. You guys love each other, might as well lock it down and chase away the few idiots who think they have a chance with Dr. Isles."

I shot him a glare, "Who thinks that?"

Frost laughed shaking his head, "A few but Dr. Isles usually politely whittles away their bravado by diagnosing them with male pattern baldness. Plus it's usually the rookies who are caught off guard by such a stunning ME, everyone in the department knows Rizzoli and Isles is forever." He slapped my back, "Uncurl the fists, Dr. Isles only has eyes for you, and has since the first day you met. I cannot believe it took you this long to see you were born for each other." He motioned me to follow, "Let's get this done before we freeze our asses off and the snow starts falling. We're supposed to get eight inches by morning. Cavanaugh has put us all on call so we don't have to drive in if the snow is too dicey."

I huffed, uncurling my fists. My jealousy would spike here and there whenever someone dared to come near Maura in an aggressive or flirtatious way. It calmed down in the last few months, but that was my lingering tidbits from Holton. I'd always worry in the pit of my stomach she'd be taken from me, no matter how strong our love was. I sucked in a icy breath, counting down like my therapist taught me and moved towards the scene.

Maybe I would just buy that ring Frankie made me put on layaway. If I kept overthinking it, I'd eventually fuck it up, no matter how perfect we were.

My anxiety faded the second her hazel eyes met mine, "Detective Rizzoli, are you ready?"

I grinned, "Always."

* * *

 **XXX**

 **Maura**

There was something incredibly peaceful and soothing about snow when it was fresh. It covered the world in a blanket of white silence. I grinned looking out the bedroom window. The late night storm started the second I arrived at the morgue. Jane rushed me home with the excuse it would take at least a day for the body to thaw. I halfheartedly agreed with her, only because I saw no signs of foul play. I did recognize the signs of a stroke, but would have to complete the autopsy to rule it as a natural death. The snow was heavy and continuing to fall, I wouldn't be able to make it into the lab until much later in the day. It was almost five in the morning and I was excited at the prospect of sleeping in.

I looked over at Jane snoring. She'd fallen asleep within minutes of the movie she asked for me to put on my laptop when we crawled in bed. Jane was like a bear in winter, sleeping like she was hibernating and burrowing into my side for warmth. Her wild hair was spread over my pillow as she grabbed it and smashed her face deeper in it.

I smiled. Who knew this would be my life? All of the rules I knew and adhered to were thrown out a few months into our relationship. Jane wasn't predictable and it forced me to relax and be less predictable. I'd learned to go with the flow, but always keep my heart open to her. It'd been a incredible year and I was completely in love with Jane with no desire to ever look at the past when I was afraid to tell Jane I loved her whenever I wanted to. Now I said it every chance I got, even in the middle of her yelling at the TV when her team was losing. It was my favorite to watch her blush and turn shy, whispering she loved me back.

I watched her sleep for a few more minutes until my heart skipped and a bolt of spontaneity struck. I rushed to my closet, removing the ring box from the Louboutin box I hid it in almost a year ago. I opened the box, smiling at the ring. I'd been planning an elaborate dinner for our one year anniversary and maybe a proposal for dinner. I'd been nervous until Frankie let it slip over coffee Jane had made him go ring shopping with her. He told me that I'd have to be the one to pull the trigger or our grandkids would always wonder why their grandmothers were still living in sin.

I chuckled at the thought and crept back into bed. I slid next to Jane, picking up her left hand and sliding the ring on it without disturbing her. I bit back the grin at how perfect the ring fit her and curled up into her side. I wanted to see how long it took the detective to figure out what I was asking, without outright asking her. I kissed her forehead, "I love you, Jane." Jane grumbled and pulled me deeper into her, smothering me in her strong arms.

I fell asleep, excited for the mystery to start when she woke up.

* * *

 **XXX**

 **Jane**

I yawned, reaching for my phone. It was a quarter to eight in the morning and I had a message from Cavanaugh telling me to stay home unless called. I smiled, tossing my phone back on the side table. I rolled over, running my hand across the bed until it brushed against Maura's leg. "It's a snow day for us." I blinked and looked up. Maura was sitting cross legged against the headboard, glasses on with her laptop.

She smiled, kissing me as I sat up next to her. "We do."

I frowned, "But you're still working. Snow days are for being lazy, hot chocolate and snowball fights." I sighed, trying to look over her shoulder. "Can't lab reports and the frozen body wait? I'm sure Chang slept in the lab and is personally seeing to the thawing process?" I brushed her hair back, "I love when you wear glasses. You should wear them to work."

Maura shook her head, "I'm not reviewing lab reports. Susie already emailed me last night and gave me a update on the body. We have another eighteen hours before the body is malleable." She tilted the laptop up so I couldn't see the screen. "No I shouldn't wear my glasses. I will not have sex at work and the last time I wore my glasses to the lab, we almost defiled my desk."

I pouted. "Even if I said it was a fantasy?" I fluttered my eyelashes, hoping to sway her.

"Jane. Do you want me to list all of the germs, bacteria, residual toxins, and dust floating in the air? My lab is clean, but it isn't spotless. Let alone the fact the deceased lying a mere three feet away." She raised an eyebrow, "Unless you have a sexual fetish I don't know about?"

I leaned back, gathering my mess of hair into a loose ponytail. "You literally take the fun out of everything with that big brain of yours. And no, I don't have a sexual fetish other than your labcoat." I reached over with my right hand, running an absent finger over the soft skin of her calf, eyeing the thin scar. "Can we do something silly today? I've been thinking too much and working too much."

Maura nodded, "About cases? You've cleared the last homicides with convictions and I'm pretty certain the frozen body is a natural death." She glanced at my hand. "Today is our anniversary."

I sighed, "That's probably why I keep thinking too much. We made it a year and nothing went sideways." I ran a finger across her scar. "You know I love you?"

Maura chuckled, "I think you've told me once or twice." She shifted to sit facing me, fidgeting like she was nervous and handed me her laptop. "Can you plug this in? The cord is on your side of the bed."

I took the laptop, "Maura, you're fidgeting. Please don't tell me you made a fancy reservation with super fancy plans. The trip to Scotland in spring was our anniversary gift to each other. I even bought tickets for the pathology and surgical museum." I set the laptop down and reached over the edge of the bed for the cord. "I also doubt anything will be open today if it keeps snowing like this. Ma snuck in while we were at the scene and stocked our fridge with enough pasta to last us through the year." That's when I caught the ring on my finger.

"What if Scotland is our honeymoon?" Maura's voice was tiny behind me.

The platinum band fit my finger so perfectly, I barely felt it. The inlaid rubies caught the light coming from her bedside lamp, reflecting slivers of red. I sat up quickly, turning to Maura. "Maur…."

She swallowed nervously. "I love you Jane. I love you more than anyone else I've ever loved in my entire life. You're the other half of my soul and I never understood life until I met you. You're my polar opposite, and yet you make me whole. Even when I forgot you, you made me whole." She scooted closer, her hands shaking. "I know our lives are far from normal and we live in the shadow of monsters, but you're my light and as long as you're by my side I know everything will work out. I will always come home to you, I will always protect you with everything I have and I was wondering if you'd like to marry me?" She rasped out the last few words.

I sat in silence shocked that Maura had a sneaky side. "Maura."

She suddenly shook her head, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed to stand. "It's fine. I wanted to ask you when I took you to England, but it was too soon. Then I kept thinking about it after Frankie told me you'd never pull the fuse. I slipped the ring on when I woke up earlier. A silly spontaneous moment." She waved her hand as tears welled up in her beautiful hazel eyes.

I crawled across the bed, grabbing her wrist to stop her pacing. "Maura, come here."

She kept her head down until I stood up, pushing her chin up with two fingers. When she caught my eyes and the tears, she panicked. Reaching up to brush away my tears. "Jane. I'm sorry."

I shook my head, leaning forward to kiss her hard to shut her up. I parted, breathing heavily, "It's pull the trigger, Maur. I'm going to kill my little brother, but before I do, yes." I looked up at my confused girlfriend.

She titled her head, "Yes?"

I chuckled, "Yes. I will marry you. Yes I would've taken forever to pull the trigger, not because I don't love you. But because I'm still in awe I have you." I shook my head. "You surprise me every day, Maura. Don't ever change." I sucked in a slow breath. "I love you, I love your new found spontaneity and my life is nothing without you in it. You've always been the light at the end of the tunnel." I stepped out of her arms and walked to my duffel bag. I pushed past gym clothes and pulled out a red velvet box. "What Frankie didn't know was that I went back later and bought a ring for you. I figured if we've survived everything we have, what's the point of being a chicken shit and scared? You love me, I love you and its clear no one can tear us apart. So I stopped thinking and went with my heart." I opened the box and pulled out a simple band with a diamond inlay. "I got you a band instead of a traditional ring. I didn't want you to get your gloves caught on it." I also dug out the small chain I bought. "There's a chain in case you want to wear it around your neck while you do autopsies." I took a deep breath, looking up at a crying Maura. "Maura, will you marry me? Be my wife, partner in crime, best friend and my everything? Deal with my ma asking when she's getting grandkids and take on my dysfunctional family for the rest of our lives? "

Maura sniffled, "Yes. Yes I will be your everything, Jane."

I slid the ring on with a shaky hand. Lifting her finger to kiss it before being wrapped in a smothering hug and searing kiss.

When we parted, breathless, I ran my hand down her cheek. "Forever?"

She grinned with watery hazel eyes that loved me unconditionally. "Forever Jane."


End file.
